Happiness Is...A Bulging Bank Balance

Part 64

"You're all back early," Shelley observed as the men returned to the Rovers in differing moods.
"Treble brandies all round," Fred ordered. "We've just had us a very nasty shock."
"What sort of shock?" Shelley asked.
"The worst imaginable," Mike added. "What could be as bad as all that?" she wondered.
The doors burst open. "Me!" Reet boomed joyously, arms raised in triumph.
"Oh no," Audrey muttered. "I thought we'd seen the last of her."
"Not a hope, Aud," Reet replied victoriously. "And it's no good whispering. All I have to do is look at the script to know what yer saying."
"You've been axed," Dev said. "The storyline had you locked up on remand but you were due to die in a riot before the trial."
"And yer've obviously been misinformed," Reet stated.
"How did you swing it, eh?" Mike asked. "Even Bet can't get her foot back in the door again that fast."
"Yer so right there," Reet told him as she tickled him under the chin like a pet. "Those backstabbing writers were all so stupid. Too wrapped up in mutiny and their own egos that they forgot I owned the building and, therefore, I paid their wages. I'm the only one who does the hiring and firing on Ritanation Street. Suffice to say, those who weren't in on the mutiny, like my wonderful Jack Stapleton, have all signed new loyalty contracts where they vow never to try and axe me again or I'll have their heads. The rest? Well, they were far too influenced by that scumbag I axed weeks ago, Roger Marks. So, as they love churning out crap daily, I've decided to put them down the sewers so their talents don't go to waste and will feel right at home." Everyone pulled a face at that thought. "Now I'm back, everything goes back to normal," she continued. "Betty, Emily, Fred and Dev. Get yer backsides back up to Salford pronto and make me quadruple the money you've done me out of these past few days."
"Ken will be glad to hear you're back," Deirdre croaked hoarsely. "They wanted to turn him normal again and he was not happy."
"How can yer tell what's normal with him?" Reet frowned.
"True," Deirdre conceded. "He has always been a bit on the strange side. So, Ken can stay as he is?"
"Course he can," Reet smiled.
"I'll go and tell him right now. Thanks, Reet," Deirdre beamed. "
Pleasure," Reet said as she watched her leave. "Well, at least someone's pleased to see me."
"I am too, Reet," Norris grinned annoyingly.
"You?" Reet was surprised. "I thought you'd be delighted to see the back of me."
"So did I," he admitted sadly. "Then I discovered they were planning on rewriting history so you never existed, and that would've meant I lost my daughter."
"Ah," Reet breathed. "So it was the CHILD you wanted around and not me at all!"
"No," he insisted. "I missed you being horrible to me. I'll prove it. Hit me."
"Yer what?" she raised an eyebrow.
"Hit me," he begged.
"Don't be stupid," she snorted. "And don't give me orders, peasant!"
"HIT ME!" he demanded as she shoved her.
She picked up a tray and smashed him over the head. "How DARE you touch me, moron!" she yelled.
"Thank you," he grinned happily as he rubbed his bump. "Now I know things are back to normal."
She smiled wryly, her gaze fixed firmly on Audrey and Mike. "Oh, yes," she said slowly. "Things ARE back to normal."
Audrey swallowed hard. "Well, it's great to see yer again, Reet, but I really have to pop over and see Gail and what kiddies she has left who are still speaking to her. Goodnight." She bid a hasty retreat before Reet could say or do anything.
"Not running away too, Michael, dear?" she asked sarcastically.
"Not a chance," he was resolute. "I wouldn't let Linda drive me away, so I certainly aren't gonna let you."
Reet looked around. "Where IS Linda?"
"I don't know and I don't care," he spat angrily. "I just wish wherever she's gone, you'd gone with her."
"Now, now, Mike," she said patronisingly. "Yer know yer don't mean that. We both know yer love me really."
"Love you?" he squinted. "I'd rather love a boa constrictor. Although the resemblance between you and it is uncanny. Especially the way it squeezes the life out of people while you squeeze the money." He slammed the glass down and stormed out.
Reet smiled, satisfied with a job well done of driving him away despite his protestations. "Before I go too," she addressed the drunken masses, "I just want to warn yer. If ANY of yer try to double-cross me, you'll be joining them so-called writers down the sewers. And I'll make sure NONE of yer ever act again. Although, in a lot of yer cases, yer can't act now so no one'd miss yer. I'll be going over your contracts tomorrow. So, if yer want to keep these lovely wages, yer know what yer have to do. Night everyone and pleasant dreams." She swept out majestically feeling rather smug.
"Quick, Shelley," Fred gasped. "Drinks all round for everyone!"

To be continued...

Part 66

The next day Reet was on the phone in her penthouse. "Yer kidding! Really? Well, I can't say I'm all that surprised. He literally reeked money. How much?! Sixty billion?! Is he married? Wonderful! Good work, Ken. See yer." She hung up, grinning so much at her next trophy her face almost split in half. "Reet Getty," she said to herself. "Yes. That has a lovely ring about it. A 200 carat diamond one at least." She picked up the phone and dialled. "Hello, Harry? It's Reet Shuttleworth. Very well, thank you. I was wondering if that invitation to dinner was still open? Well, I'm free tonight. The Kabin, Rosamund Street. See yer at seven then." She hung up, adding sixty billion to her millions. Her mental arithmetic was interrupted by a knock at the door. "What?" she barked.
The door slowly opened and Norris popped his head around it. "Are you coming downstairs to work today, or what?"
"I've already answered that with my previous remark," she informed him.
"What?" he frowned, not understanding.
"Exactly," she grinned. "I'm on my own down there," he protested.
"So?" she shrugged. "Yer should be used to that by now."
"With all the time off you have, I am," he remarked.
"What yer whining about then?" she shrieked.
"Because," he said firmly," When you actually grace the set with your presence, things out to be different and you should be pulling your weight instead of throwing it around."
She raised an eyebrow. "How DARE you talk to me like that! I OWN the shop! I OWN this studio. I own EVERYTHING which pays yer wages, yer ungrateful peasant! If I choose not to work in the shop, that's my business. Now get out and make me some money, or I'll set Barbara on yer!"
"Threats again," he snorted, totally unimpressed. "That's all you ever do when you can't get your own way. Well, I'm telling you now, Reet, I won't stand for this much longer."
"Yer won't be STANDING much longer at this rate!" she yelled. "So, the peasant is revolting. Nowt new there. Do as yer told. I'm far too busy all afternoon making myself even more gorgeous for a hot date tonight to work."
"Sure the afternoon's long enough?" he asked sarcastically. "Perhaps you should put it off a month or two to give you more time to prepare."
"Get out!" she screamed, hurling a paperweight at him. It hit the door which he'd hastily closed for cover. It reopened.
"Touched a nerve?" he continued, feeling pleased with himself.
"I've tried to be very patient with you-" she hissed through gritted teeth.
"I'd hardly call that patience," he interrupted. She picked up a vase.
"I wouldn't if I were you," he said. "That cost money. You won't like it being broken into tiny pieces."
"If yer head goes the same way on contact, I won't be too upset," she replied.
"What are you waiting for?" he goaded.
"Ooh, puncturing those flamin' kids' football has given you a superiority complex," she noted.
"Perhaps," he admitted. "But at least I'm not a lazy, bossy, drunken, money-grabbing slob."
"Get out!" she yelled, hurling the vase.
"Missed me," he grinned and left.
Reet looked at the mess on the floor. "My beautiful vase," she sobbed. "That cost me a whole pound from Cheap & Cheerless and gone, just like that. He'll pay for this. And he can start by cleaning up all the bits with his tongue!" She flounced out, got in the lift and went down to the shop. When the lift doors opened and she stepped onto the shop floor, she noticed it was eerily quiet. "Norris!" she yelled. She walked to the front and discovered it was empty and the door locked with the closed sign up. "Little runt! Shutting the shop and doing me out of my profits! I'll flamin' get him for this!" She picked up the phone. "Ken. Get yer wobbly backside over to The Kabin. I don't care what yer doing! Put him down and get here NOW! What do yer mean, what if yer don't? Don't you dare rebel on me an' all, or I'll make yer boring again in yer cardie. Good. Glad to know you've seen sense." She slammed the phone down and began to plot her revenge on Norris, even though she knew her fun would have to wait until she'd reeled in her biggest catch to date who were much better than tiddler's like Baldwin.

To be continued...

Part 68

On the 9th November Reet and Harry were married at 10 in the morning. The honeymoon was delayed because, he said, he wanted to take her on a round the world cruise. She was all for that since it mean she'd still get paid for 3 months of not working, even though it meant his doom was delayed slightly. As she mingled with the guests at the reception, Ken collared her.
"What do yer want?" she hissed.
"I need to talk to you urgently," he pleaded.
"Can't it wait?" she asked impatiently.
"I'm afraid it can't. It's about your husband," he told her.
She sighed heavily. "All right. Let's go outside." He followed her into the cold. "Right, get on with it. And make it quick," she ordered.
"He's broke," Ken said.
"Yer what?" she laughed. "Oh, don't be ridiculous."
"It's true," he implored. "He only married you for YOUR money."
"I don't believe yer," she said. "Yer the one who told me he was worth sixty billion. And you expect me to believe he's actually completely potless??!!"
"I made a mistake. I'm sorry," he said, feeling guilty. "I had another look on the Internet and discovered him on a porn site. Well, naked pictures of him on a porn site with a biography underneath. He's got a very nice body under that suit, hasn't he?"
"Never mind about his body!" she yelled. "What about his money? His flash Jag?"
"Ah," he said flatly. "Well, according to the biog, he works for a company who rent Jags. He had an email address so I corresponded with him to discover more. He told me he lives with his parents since being declared bankrupt several years ago owing nearly a million pounds in gambling debts."
Reet's world collapsed. She swayed in shock, unable to take in the fact the conner had been well and truly conned. Ken helped her sit on the step.
"I'm truly sorry, Reet," he said sincerely.
"So yer should be, moron!" she shrieked, belting him. "It's all your fault! Now I know why there's no immediate honeymoon or a replacement for my wrecked Porsche! What am I going to do?"
"Reet?" they heard Harry say behind them. "Are you all right, darling?"
She cursed inwardly as she stood. "Fine," she smiled forcefully. "Let's go back in. It's freezing out here."

That afternoon, Reet and Harry were alone in the penthouse. She needed time to decide what to do about him so until she had duly played the part of an adoring wife to her toyboy hubby. After all, she didn't win all those awards for nothing like they do these days. He still sensed something was wrong.
"Are you sure you're all right?" he asked.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she replied, trying to keep the anger at not getting that sixty billion after all out of her voice.
"It just seems something's up," he pressed.
"You've been acting very odd since you talked to that bloke in the dress.
"Yer imagining things," she dismissed, hoping to shut him up.
"Am I?" he countered.
"Oh, all right," she sighed, brain working overtime. "If yer must know, Ken's told me there's plotters trying to get me ousted as head of the new Reet TV plc, that's all. Not the sort of thing a girl wants to hear on her wedding day."
"Or any day," he said.
"Yer aren't wrong there!" she snorted. "But I'll win," she continued confidently. "I always do. How about summat to eat?"
"Lovely," he smiled. "I'll cook for you."
"I don't mind," she said.
"You stay there and keep the bed warm," he told her then got out and went to the kitchen. Ken's right about that body, she thought. Shame he turned out to be another backstabber.
A short while later he was back. "There's no food," he said. "I'll get dressed and pop over the road."
"Okay," she smiled as she watched him dress. "You couldn't lend me some money, could you?" he asked.
Those words were like a red rag to a bull. "What?" she replied.
"I seem to have left my wallet at my old place," he went on.
"I bet yer did," she said flatly. "Right, that's it."
"That's what?" he wondered innocently. "I've had enough of yer lies, that's what!" she shouted. "The lies of a man who's a bankrupt and living with his parents!"
"Who told you that?" he chuckled nervously.
"Don't matter," she replied.
"Oh, I know. That tosser in the frock," he realised. "All right, yes. I'm broke and married you for your money. You didn't think any sane man would actually love you, do you? Look at the state of you. You're an old, ugly, fat and distinctly unpleasant woman who should buy a new wig because you might not look like such a freak."
Reet was stung by those words. "I'm not THAT bad!" she defended, knowing what a real man magnet she was.
"Only in your severely distorted mirror," he sniped. "I've been watching you snare all your dead, rich husbands and decided I'd like to be a very rich widower. You really are such a stupid bitch. Alan Bradley got that right back in 1989. You think you're clever, but you're as thick as all that eyeliner and mascara you paint on your hideous face. Well, I certainly had you fooled, didn't I?"
"You'll not get away with this," she warned. "I'll have yer."
"I'll get away with it," he said.
"I'll tell the police. Ken already knows," she replied, trying not to panic.
"And who'd believe a weirdo like him?" he laughed. "You won't tell anyone."
"Don't be too sure about that," she said firmly through hooded eyes.
"How can you tell anyone when you'll be dead?" he laughed again.
"Yer kill me and yer'll go to prison," she said desperately.
"Perhaps," he said mysteriously. "Even if they caught me, I'll still have all your lovely money waiting for me on my release." He lunged at her throat, grinning with pleasure as he tightening his grip. After a while she stopped struggling and he let go. He checked for signs of life and when there was none, searched for her bank books and made a hasty exit, leaving the lifeless body of Reet lying sprawled across the bed.

To be continued...