The Great PSC Mystery

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 1

At Capital Studios, production staff of the PSC were busy discussing various locations for the forthcoming story of their five-year old series, "Professor What?". The story was a complex one involving Gerry Rayshun's mechanical monsters, The Dustbins.

PRODUCER---So we've established we'll use a few local streets. But what about the rest?
DIRECTOR----Well why don't we do what we usually do?
PRODUCER---And what's that?
DIRECTOR----If all else fails; use a quarry.
PRODUCER---What made you think of that?
DIRECTOR----Because it's what we usually do. I'm surprised the PSC doesn't have shares in them.
PRODUCER---They do!
DIRECTOR----So that's settled then. The old stand-by.
PRODUCER---I'm not so sure. We know the Professor, Jimmy and the rest can easily run on all that chalk, but I think we'll have trouble with the Dustbins.
DIRECTOR----I see your point. But there must be some way. They've been on the streets of London.
PRODUCER---Yes, but that's practically flat. A quarry is bumpy.
DIRECTOR----I'm sure the designer would be able to rustle something up.
PRODUCER---Good idea. Let's talk to him.
DIRECTOR----When?
PRODUCER---Before he goes home.

Unknown to them, something was lurking in the shadows....

Meanwhile in the dark recesses of space, a batthered old Police Box was travelling to yet another unknown destination. Inside were only two occupants - a scruffy little man wearing an oversized coat who was huddled over the controls, concentrating deeply, and a young man in a kilt who was sulking in a chair in the corner. The scruffy little man noticed the young one's behaviour and went over to him.

DOCTOR----Jamie?
JAMIE--------Aye?
DOCTOR----Are you alright?
JAMIE--------(sighs) As well as I can be I suppose.
DOCTOR----I know. You're missing Victoria, aren't you?
JAMIE--------Well it seems I'm the only one who is.
DOCTOR----That's unfair Jamie. I miss her too.
JAMIE--------Do you?
DOCTOR----Yes. In a way, she reminded me of my granddaughter.
JAMIE--------You've got a granddaughter?
DOCTOR----Didn't I tell you about her?
JAMIE--------No.
DOCTOR----Oh well.
JAMIE--------Do you think Victoria will be alright with the Harrises?
DOCTOR----Yes, I'm sure she will be. (looks round) Ah, we seem to have landed.
JAMIE--------Great(!)
DOCTOR----Don't be like that Jamie. I thought you'd be excited.
JAMIE--------Well I'm not too excited at getting killed!
DOCTOR----It may not happen. This might be a good place with no monsters waiting to jump out at you.
JAMIE--------I hope you're right.
DOCTOR----Aren't I always?
JAMIE--------Well.....
DOCTOR----And besides, we both need a holiday.
JAMIE--------Seems to me you've said that before.
DOCTOR----Oh really? Well, let's have a good rest this time. Now, I wonder where we are? (turns on scanner)
JAMIE--------And when we are!
DOCTOR----Quite Jamie. Ah, that's interesting.
JAMIE--------Och, it looks like an office. What's so interesting about that?
DOCTOR----You never know who's office it could be.
JAMIE--------Knowing you, the head Cyberman's!
DOCTOR----Come on, let's go and see.
JAMIE--------Couldn't we just take off again and have our holiday in the Tardis?
DOCTOR----Really Jamie, you have no sense of adventure.
JAMIE--------Well I used to have.
DOCTOR----(not listening) That's the spirit!
JAMIE--------Until I met up with you.
DOCTOR----(opens doors) Come on Jamie.

The Doctor stepped outside while Jamie lamely followed and got a surprise when they saw who was squashed behind the desk.

DOCTOR----Jamie! Do you see who I see?
JAMIE--------Aye. So we landed in his office.
DOCTOR----I should think that's obvious. Hello again, Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart.
BRIGADIER---Only you Doctor would show up like this. And it's Brigadier now.
DOCTOR----Nice to see you again. What are you doing behind that desk?
BRIGADIER---Trying to get out.
DOCTOR----Oh dear. I am sorry.
BRIGADIER---Couldn't you have landed somewhere other than my office, Doctor?
DOCTOR----I-
JAMIE--------The Doctor cannae land the thing at all. It's got a mind of its own.
DOCTOR----Is it my fault the Tardis can be a little erratic?
JAMIE--------Yes, because you should learn how to work it properly.
BRIGADIER---If you two wouldn't mind getting me out of here before I draw my pension...
DOCTOR----Now look what you've done.
JAMIE--------What I've done?!
DOCTOR----You've upset our old friend.
JAMIE--------I have?! A nice wee holiday, you said. A nice rest.
DOCTOR----I know what I said.
JAMIE--------Well then. Ye always blame me whenever we land somewhere and you get into some sort of trouble.
DOCTOR----No I don't.
JAMIE--------Oh yes you do. Ask Ben or Polly or Victoria. It's always the same. Well I've had enough Doctor.
DOCTOR----"Had enough". What's that supposed to mean?
JAMIE--------I'm fed up travelling with you Doctor. I want to go home.
DOCTOR----Home?
JAMIE--------Aye. Back to Scotland where you found me.
DOCTOR----But Jamie-
JAMIE--------It's no good arguing Doctor. I've made up my mind. I want you to take me home.
DOCTOR----When?
JAMIE--------Now. then at least I'll be rid of ye and the Brigadier will be rid of his desk.
BRIGADIER---At last someone's talking some sense. Well, how about it Doctor?
DOCTOR----(thinks) Out of the question!
JAMIE--------Why?
BRIGADIER---Yes, I'd like to know that myself.
DOCTOR----(plays with his buttons) well, because I don't know how to get you back Jamie.
BRIGADIER---You mean you can't operate the thing properly?
DOCTOR----(sheepishly) Yes.
JAMIE--------So you finally admit it. And about time too.
DOCTOR----(abruptly) You mean it was a trick?
JAMIE--------Of course. And it worked too (laughs).
DOCTOR----Hrmph! Shall we get on with the matter in hand?
JAMIE--------What? Oh, the desk!
DOCTOR----Of course.
JAMIE--------Whatever you say Doctor. Oh, and Doctor?
DOCTOR----What?
JAMIE--------How about a great big smile, eh?
DOCTOR----How would you like a clip round the ear? Now come on. We haven't got all day.

Meanwhile, over at Capital, a teaboy was just packing up for the day. He turned the corner and saw a hideous thing coming at him. He turned to run in the other direction but another one appeared. He opened his mouth to scream, but before anything could come out he was jumped on from both directions.....


To be continued....

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 2

Back at UNIT headquarters, The Doctor and Jamie were sitting on the desk with the now free Brigadier, chatting about old times. There was a knock at the door. The Doctor suddenly noticed how near it was to the Tardis and hoped they wouldn't have to climb out of any windows to leave the room.

BRIGADIER---Ah, that'll be the tea. Come in.

The Doctor watched the door openless than a foot and was amazed when he saw a tray appear on its own.

DOCTOR----Levitation Brigadier? I didn't think the army went in for that sort of thing.
BRIGADIER---We don't.
DOCTOR----(despondant) Oh.
BRIGADIER---Jamie, would you so kind as to help him?
JAMIE--------Okay (takes tray).
BENTON-----Thanks mate. This door seems to be stuck.
BRIGADIER---It's not stuck Corporal.
BENTON-----But it won't budge sir.
BRIGADIER---That's because the Doctor's contraption's behind it.
BENTON-----The Doctor?
DOCTOR----Hello Corporal Benton. It's so nice to see you again. Well, your hand at least.
BRIGADIER---Can't you squeeze through man?
BENTON-----I'm trying sir.
BRIGADIER---Yes, very.
DOCTOR----I'll take the tray Jamie.

Jamie handed the Doctor the tray who put it on the desk, just as Benton managed to force himself through the gap and fell on the floor.

BRIGADIER---Really Corporal.
BENTON-----(gets up) Sorry sir. Hello again Doctor, Jamie.
JAMIE--------(shakes his hand) Good to see you again.
DOCTOR----Yes. All of you this time. Now, shall I be mother?
BRIGADIER---If you like.
DOCTOR----Good (pours tea). Ah, sticky buns. You remembered Brigadier.
BRIGADIER---How could I forget?

The Doctor handed round the cups of tea. The Brigadier and Jamie took a bun. He offered one to Benton who reached out to take one.

BRIGADIER---Er, none for Benton Doctor. He's on a diet. Aren't you Corporal?
BENTON---- (removes hand) Yes sir.
DOCTOR----Since when?
BRIGADIER---Since he couldn't get through the door.
DOCTOR----What nonsense.
JAMIE--------Aye. It wasn't his fault the Tardis was in the way.
DOCTOR----That's right. Don't pay any attention to him Benton. Just you enjoy the bun.
BRIGADIER---Doctor, I don't think you ought to be instructing my Corporal to disobey a senior officer.
DOCTOR----It's only one sticky bun you know, not a whole cake shop. Let him have it. What harm can it do?
BRIGADIER---(sighs) All right Benton. You can have the wretched bun.
DOCTOR----(hits him on the back) Good man! Oh, sorry.
BENTON-----Thanks sir.
BRIGADIER---Actually Doctor, I'm glad you dropped in.
JAMIE--------That's one way of putting it.
DOCTOR----Jamie....
BRIGADIER---We've had a bit of bother in the last few weeks and you seem to be the only one who can help.
DOCTOR----It's nice to be appreciated.
JAMIE--------Are you sure he was nae insulting you?
DOCTOR----Of course he wasn't. Were you Brigadier?
BRIGADIER---Certainly not.
DOCTOR----So, what's this all about then?
BRIGADIER---Staff at the PSC have been dying in mysterious circumstances.
JAMIE--------What's the PSC?
BENTON-----The Public System Corporation.
JAMIE--------Eh?
BENTON-----Television?
JAMIE--------Eh?
BENTON-----Radio?
JAMIE--------Eh?
DOCTOR----It's a form of modern entertainment Jamie.
JAMIE--------Oh.
DOCTOR----So, how can I help?
BRIGADIER---Well, knowing your penchant for unexplained mysteries Doctor, we thought this would be right up your street. The only trouble was we didn't know how to get in touch with you.
DOCTOR----I see. Well I have been travelling around.
JAMIE--------You can say that again.
DOCTOR----So, how do you think I'll be able to help?
BRIGADIER---Clear up this mystery. At the moment it's only the television branch of the organisation.
DOCTOR----Oh? Any area in particular?
BRIGADIER---As a matter of fact, yes. People working on their science fiction series, "Professor What?"
DOCTOR----Oh, I've seen that.
JAMIE--------What's it about?
DOCTOR----It's about a man called the Professor who travels through time and space in a telephone box with his companion Jimmy.
JAMIE--------A bit like us.
DOCTOR----A lot like us. There's also a soldier called Bombadier Andrew Graham Lexington-Smythe, who works for an organisation called NITWIT.
JAMIE--------What's NITWIT?
DOCTOR----The National Institute working in Tribulation.
JAMIE--------Sounds similar to UNIT.
BRIGADIER---Yes. Too similar. I've been meaning to have a word with them about it.
DOCTOR----So have I Brigadier. So have I.
JAMIE--------Do they meet any monsters like we do?
DOCTOR----Well for a start, there's the evil mechanical Dustbins, who go around liquidating everybody. Sound familiar Jamie?
JAMIE--------(realising) The Daleks!
DOCTOR----Precisely! Then there's the Machinemen.
JAMIE--------Cybermen?
DOCTOR----(nods) The Nacre.
JAMIE--------Nacre? Hmm. Got it! Macra!
DOCTOR----Well done Jamie. The Remodellers.
JAMIE--------Erm, Chameleons?
DOCTOR----The Furry-fiends.
JAMIE--------The Yeti!
DOCTOR----Good.
JAMIE--------That was obvious.
DOCTOR----Frosty Fighters?
JAMIE--------Ice Warriors.
DOCTOR----Lizard?
JAMIE--------Salamander!
DOCTOR----And then of course, there's the ones before your time.
JAMIE--------This tellywhatsit and radaro are all after my time Doctor.
DOCTOR----I mean, evils in the universe.
JAMIE--------Like who?
DOCTOR----Well now, let me see. There's the Boods or Voords from Dalitus or rather, Marinus. The observers who live in an obs-ball or Sensorites on a Sense-Sphere. Vermillion or Koquillion. Haveinins or Didonians. Barboy or Zarbi. Impetus or Animus. Werpotern or Menoptera. Potern or Optera. Amoks or Moroks. Zylons or Xerons. The Lacklustre from Lustrous or Mechanoids from Mechanus. The Barrens from Barreny or Aridians from Aridius. The Interloping Brother or the Meddling Monk. Bills or Rills. Shavings or Drahvins. The Robots, the Mateys or the Chumblies. The planet Hogwash or Refusis. One-eyed or Monoids. The Astral Doll Creator or Celestial Toymaker. Bono or Jano. Battling metal or War Machines. Any questions?

There was a stunned silence in the room as everyone stared at the Doctor, who was feeling quite pleased with himself for remembering all those names.

DOCTOR----I really must sue them you know. Using me like that. Makes me feel almost glad they're getting what they deserve.
BRIGADIER---You don't mean that, surely.
DOCTOR----I told them all those things in confidence. They genuinely seemed interested. If I'd know that they'd.... Now, how many are dead?
BRIGADIER---Three so far.
DOCTOR----Good.
BENTON-----Er, excuse me sir?
BRIGADIER---What is it Benton?
BENTON-----There's been another one sir.
DOCTOR----Double good.
JAMIE--------But I thought you hated people getting killed Doctor.
DOCTOR----Oh I do Jamie, I do. (firmly) But not them!
BRIGADIER---When did this happen Benton?
BENTON-----Just before I brought in the tea.
DOCTOR----Which was very nice. Did you make it yourself?
BENTON-----Er, no Doctor. I was just the teaboy.
BRIGADIER---Corporal Benton!
BENTON-----Yes sir?
BRIGADIER---Why didn't you tell me about this other death before now?
BENTON-----I'm afraid I didn't get the chance sir, what with you and the Doctor here in deep conversation.
JAMIE--------Aye, that's right enough.
BRIGADIER---I see. Who was it this time?
BENTON-----Well, err....
BRIGADIER---Well?
BENTON-----The teaboy, sir.
DOCTOR----I wonder why?
BRIGADIER---Probably because he didn't deliver an important message quick enough. So watch it teaboy or you could be next.
JAMIE--------Who'd want to kill him? He does nae work for this PSwhatsit.
BRIGADIER---How about me?
DOCTOR----Now, now Brigadier. It's not his fault you know.
BRIGADIER---I know.
JAMIE--------Aye, so apologise.
BRIGADIER---What did you say?
JAMIE--------Say you're sorry.
DOCTOR----Jamie....
BRIGADIER---My dear young man, Brigadiers do not go around apologising to their troops.
JAMIE--------Well it's about time ye did.
DOCTOR----Leave it Jamie. Er, shall we go and visit the scene of the crime?
BRIGADIER---(stands) Right-o. Colonel Benton! You will accompany us to Capital studios.
BENTON-----Sir!
DOCTOR----Come along Jamie.
JAMIE--------Aye. Anything's better than this place.

So off they went in a UNIT Landrover to see where the dastardly deed took place. The Doctor was shocked and leaned over the body, touching the white substance which engulfed the poor boy, inside and out.

BRIGADIER---What do you make of it, Doctor?
DOCTOR----(sniffs fingers) I should say this stuff is......chalk, Brigadier.
BRIGADIER---Chalk? Like the stuff teachers use, you mean?
DOCTOR----Not quite (stands). This is all from a quarry.
BRIGADIER---Be serious Doctor.
DOCTOR----I am being. Somehow, this vast amount of chalk found its way here. So I suggest you start looking at the quarries.
BRIGADIER---Do you have any idea how many quarries there are in this country, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Several. Now, I'm tired so I think I'll go to bed. Come along Jamie.
BRIGADIER---Doctor!
DOCTOR----See you in the morning Brigadier. Knock on the Tardis when it's time to get up (leaves).


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 3

The following day, the "Professor What?" production team and crew arrived at the nearest quarry to Capital to save money. The leading actor, Peter Trenchard was busy learning his lines with young Frank Hades and didn't notice movement behind them. Everything was all set up for the early morning filming and all the actors were in their places.

DIRECTOR----Okay. Action!
JIMMY--------Is this the Dustbins' base Professor?
PROFESSOR---I'm afraid it is Jimmy. The trouble is, how do we get in?
JIMMY--------And how to stop them.
PROFESSOR---Naturally.
JIMMY--------Any ideas Professor?
PROFESSOR---I'll think of something Jimmy.

Suddenly, they were jumped on, as were the whole crew, except the director and producer who ran to their car and sped off back to Capital.

Meanwhile, in the Tardis, Jamie was snoring his head off in his room, while the Doctor was sleeping on his head, legs crossed, in the console room. Suddenly there was a loud banging noise which woke them both up. Jamie came rushing in, while the Doctor's legs fell forward and it looked like he was doing a somersault.

JAMIE--------It's the end of the world!
DOCTOR----Don't be silly Jamie. It's probably the Brigadier.
JAMIE--------The Brigadier?
DOCTOR----Yes. I told him last night to knock on the Tardis when it was time to get up, remember?
JAMIE--------Oh aye. But does he have to do it so loud?
DOCTOR----Well maybe it's important Jamie.

He straightened his bow-tie, licked his hair back badly, stood up and opened the doors where, on the other side, the Brigadier was getting impatient.

BRIGADIER---At last! Hurry up Doctor.
DOCTOR----(yawning) Good morning Brigadier. What time is it?
BRIGADIER---Half past six.
DOCTOR----Half past six?! That's too early for me. Wake me up at ten.

The Doctor went back in and closed the doors.

BRIGADIER---Really! I don't know why I put up with the man. (banging) Come on Doctor! This is important!

The doors opened again and the Doctor re-emerged.

DOCTOR----It had better be to interrupt my beauty sleep.
BRIGADIER---I should think you'd be way past needing any of that Doctor.
DOCTOR----"Way past"? "WAY PAST"?! I'll have you know I'm only 498 years old. I'm not even middle-aged!
BRIGADIER---498? Nonsense. You're only about 45.
DOCTOR----You think so?
BRIGADIER---I know so.
DOCTOR----That's what beauty sleep does for you Brigadier. So, where's the fire?
BRIGADIER---No fire Doctor. But there's been some more deaths.
DOCTOR----Who this time?
BRIGADIER---More PSC employees.
DOCTOR----On that stupid programme?
BRIGADIER---I'm afraid so.
DOCTOR----Good. I do hope it was someone important.
BRIGADIER---Well, apart from the producer and director who managed to escape, the entire cast and crew on the location shoot including Peter Trenchard and Frank Hades.
DOCTOR----They got kill too, did they?
BRIGADIER---I'm afraid so.
DOCTOR----(smiles) Serves them right.
BRIGADIER---Really Doctor. This petty jealousy of yours is a bit much.
DOCTOR----Who's jealous?
BRIGADIER---You are.
DOCTOR----I most certainly am not. It's just that anyone who does what they've done to me, derserves everything they get. Did you say, location?
BRIGADIER---Yes.
DOCTOR----Where were they?
BRIGADIER---They were filming at a-
DOCTOR----Quarry?
BRIGADIER---Yes. How did you know?
DOCTOR----Oh, just a guess Brigadier. What were they doing there?
BRIGADIER---They were filming, "Professor What?"
DOCTOR----Thought as much. Well, I suppose we'd better go to the quarry.
BRIGADIER---What a good idea (!)
DOCTOR----All right Brigadier. I'll go and get Jamie and I suggest you get a few of your toy soldiers.
BRIGADIER---Do you think there could be trouble?
DOCTOR----Perhaps. It's best to be prepared.
BRIGADIER---Right. I'll get a few of my men together.
DOCTOR----I'll meet you outside in five minutes.

At the quarry, the Doctor was examining the bodies, which were once again smothered in chalk. When he reached Peter Trenchard's body, he couldn't resist giving it a little kick, then smiled to himself. He didn't behave the same when he came to Frank Hades. He felt sorry for him. After all, it wasn't the poor kid's fault he got mixed up with this treachery.

BRIGADIER---The same as the others.
DOCTOR----Yes. Chalk suffocation.
BRIGADIER---So why are they covered with the stuff?
DOCTOR----A precaution?
BRIGADIER---But what's the point if they've already been crushed?
DOCTOR----To make sure they die one way or the other. Perhaps, all the chalk over the bodies was something holding them down while someone or something else forced the chalk into their mouths.
JAMIE--------That sounds horrible.
DOCTOR----Yes it does, doesn't it?
JAMIE--------No one deserves that. Not even people who work for this DVC.
BRIGADIER---PSC.
JAMIE--------Aye. Them either.
DOCTOR----I suppose not. Even though that two-faced producer and director are still alive.
BRIGADIER---Doctor....
DOCTOR----Still, mustn't grumble. They'll get theirs. I hope!
JAMIE--------Do you have any idea who did this Doctor?
DOCTOR----I have a few.
BRIGADIER---You said, something Doctor. Could it be alien?
DOCTOR----Could be. Then again, it could be terrestrial.
BENTON-----Human?
DOCTOR----Perhaps.
BRIGADIER---Doctor, I wish you always wouldn't be so mysterious.
DOCTOR----My dear Brigadier, even you can't expect a genius of my stature to come up with an answer in a matter of seconds.
JAMIE--------Aye. And a modest genius too, eh, Doctor (?)
DOCTOR----(ignores Jamie) I need a little more time.
BRIGADIER---(sighs) All right Doctor. What do you want us to do?
DOCTOR----Wait here in case anything happens.
BRIGADIER---Do you think it will?
DOCTOR----It might.
BRIGADIER---What are you going to do?
DOCTOR----I think Jamie and I will go for a walk.
JAMIE--------Eh?
DOCTOR----Come along Jamie. We'll leave the Brigadier to play with his water pistols.
JAMIE--------What if we get attacked?
DOCTOR----Then the Brigadier will shoot at it!
JAMIE--------With water pistols?
DOCTOR----Never mind Jamie. Come on. We'll be quite safe.
JAMIE--------You've said that before as well.
DOCTOR----Have I? What else have I said before?
JAMIE--------Oh, lots of things including, "nice little holiday" and, "rest". Well, I don't call this resting and a nice wee holiday.
DOCTOR----Come on.

The Brigadier watched as the Doctor dragged Jamie into the distance. The Doctor was too busy lecturing Jamie on how to behave like a good companion to notice movement behind them, but the Brigadier noticed something odd.

BRIGADIER---DOCTOR! JAMIE! GET DOWN!

They turned and saw several mounds of chalk, at least eight feet high, coming towards them.

DOCTOR----Oh my giddy aunt! RUN JAMIE!

They started to run as the Brigadier and his men opened fire. The mounds scattered as Jamie fell. A bullet caught one which exploded, spraying its bright green blood everywhere, as the rest merged into the background. When everything calmed down, the Brigadier went over to Jamie.

BRIGADIER---Are you hurt?
JAMIE--------(looks up) What happened?
BRIGADIER---Those things were coming at you.
JAMIE--------Where did they go?
BRIGADIER---Don't know. They just disappeared.
JAMIE--------(stands) Where's the Doctor?
BRIGADIER---Wasn't he with you?
JAMIE--------He was until I fell. DOCTOR?
BRIGADIER---DOCTOR?
JAMIE--------It look like they've taken him.
BRIGADIER---Yes. But where to and who are they?


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 4

Several hours later, an epidemic broke out across the country, of schoolteachers dying suddenly after the chalk sticks they held leapt down their throats and choked them. Meanwhile, across the world, people were dying of chalk smothering and suffocation, especially those who worked in television.

At UNIT, the 'phones and teleprinters were going berserk with reports of even more deaths. Jamie didn't care about anything except getting the Doctor back.

BRIGADIER---Don't worry Jamie. I'm sure the Doctor is quite safe.
JAMIE--------How do you know? Anything could have happened to him.
BRIGADIER---Because you know as well as I do how indestructible the Doctor is.
JAMIE--------Well, there's a first time for everything. We cannae just sit here and do nothing.
BRIGADIER---I quite agree, but what can we do?
JAMIE--------Get him away from those things!
BRIGADIER---How? We don't even know where they are or if the Doctor's with them.
JAMIE--------Oh, he's with them alright.
BRIGADIER---What makes you so sure?
JAMIE--------Because, wherever there's trouble, you can be sure the Doctor's around somewhere.
BRIGADIER---That might be true, but my hands are tied. These deaths are now worldwide, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
JAMIE--------The Doctor could.
BRIGADIER---But he's not here.
JAMIE--------Theat's why we've got to do something to find him.
BRIGADIER---I agree. Look, if it makes you happier, we'll give it an hour and if he hasn't turned up by then, we'll go back to the quarry to look for him, alright?
JAMIE--------(sighs) I suppose so.
BRIGADIER---Good. Tea?

The Doctor came round in a chalk room. He went to move but found his hands and feet were bound with.......chalk. He looked round and saw two mounds standing behind him, obviously waiting for someone. A short while later another mound entered wearing a pink ribbon around its waist and was taller than his two babysitters.

DOCTOR----I take it you're the boss.
CHALKIE----I am.
DOCTOR----I like your ribbon. I've always thought pink was such a pretty colour.
CHALKIE----So do I.
DOCTOR----For women.
CHALKIE----Watch your tongue human.
DOCTOR----I'd like to but I can't see it from this angle. And I'm not human. I'm a Time Lord. I'm superior to you and you can't treat me like this.
CHALKIE----I don't care what you are. You desecrated the Holy soil.
DOCTOR----"Holy soil"?! All this chalk?
CHALKIE----Don't blaspheme human or I will have Stoneface and Rockhead dispose of you.
DOCTOR----Who?
CHALKIE----My two quarryguards behind you.
DOCTOR----Am I supposed to be scared of lumps of chalk (?)
CHALKIE----You would do well to be, human.

The Doctor jumped up and down in his chair.

DOCTOR----Stop calling me human!
CHALKIE----What should I call you then?
DOCTOR----Well, how about, genius?
CHALKIE----Is that a new race on this planet?
DOCTOR----Of course not. Don't you know what a genius is?
CHALKIE----Should I?
DOCTOR----You're looking at one.
CHALKIE----Am I? And what exactly is this, "genius"?
DOCTOR----A highly intelligent person.
CHALKIE----Well, that can't apply to you.
DOCTOR----(angry) Why not?!
CHALKIE----Because you're my prisoner and it wasn't very intelligent of you to get caught in the first place.
DOCTOR----You can hardly blame my intelligence for that. I was jumped on.
CHALKIE----When were you jumped on?
DOCTOR----(sheepishly) When I was running away.
CHALKIE----So you are afraid. That is good.
DOCTOR----I am not afraid! I just like my freedom. But the number of times I've been tied up, I should know better.
CHALKIE----So, what is your name?
DOCTOR----I am called the Doctor.
CHALKIE----Doctor who?
DOCTOR----Err, Doctor John Smith.
CHALKIE----Well, Doctor John Smith, I have plans for you.
DOCTOR----Yes. I rather thought you might have.

At UNIT, the hour was up - half an hour ago! Jamie was anxiously pacing around the Brigadier's office waiting for him to return. He was sure the Doctor had certainly been killed by now. Finally, the office door opened.

JAMIE--------At last! Where've you been?
BRIGADIER---I had to check on my men.
JAMIE--------You said an hour.
BRIGADIER---For what?
JAMIE--------For the Doctor to come back! Well, it's now an hour and a half.
BRIGADIER---Is he back?
JAMIE--------What d'ye think?
BRIGADIER---Pity.
JAMIE--------Is that all ye have to say?
BRIGADIER---No. We're going to search for the Doctor.
JAMIE--------When?
BRIGADIER---Well, how about....right now?
JAMIE--------About time. If anything's happened to him, it'll be your fault.
BRIGADIER---My fault?
JAMIE--------Aye.
BRIGADIER---And how do you come to that conclusion?
JAMIE--------Because of the delay.
BRIGADIER---I see. But somehow I should think right this minute, the Doctor is having a cosy chat with these....whatever they are, don't you?
JAMIE--------Well.....he has before.
BRIGADIER---There you are then.
JAMIE--------But that's usually when we know what we're up against.
BRIGADIER---Come on young Jamie. Chin up.
JAMIE--------Eh?
BRIGADIER---Never mind.

The Doctor was still far from having tea and crumpets with these monsters. It was so quiet. Oh, how he wished he could play his recorder to pass the time. But even if he wasn't tied up, he couldn't because it was in the Tardis, next to his sonic screwdriver. He got an itch on his wrist and as he desperately tried to scratch it, he noticed something happening.

DOCTOR----(quietly) It's breaking away. Of course. Oh, what a silly genius I am.

As he carried on picking away he looked round desperately for the way out. He saw Chalkie come back closely followed by his two stupid quarryguards who, luckily for him, stayed next to their huge leader.

CHALKIE----So, Doctor John Smith. You are still here.
DOCTOR----Well, where else would I be? Why don't you loosen my bonds?
CHALKIE----And have you escape? I am not a fool Doctor.
DOCTOR----Sometimes I wonder. Why are you doing this?
CHALKIE----Doing what?
DOCTOR----Killing all these innocent people.
CHALKIE----They are not so innocent Doctor. Especially those who arrive with their big boxes.
DOCTOR----Big boxes? Oh, the cameras. Well, I must congratulate you for killing them.
CHALKIE----It is a trick.
DOCTOR----I can assure you, it's no trick.
CHALKIE----Then why are you pleased they are dead?
DOCTOR----I have my reasons. So why all the others?
CHALKIE----For years, humans have desecrated the Holy soil.
DOCTOR----How?
CHALKIE----By walking over it and using innocent quarrymonsters to turn into writing sticks.
DOCTOR----You mean, they're alive?
CHALKIE----Have you never heard the high pitched sound when one is used on a large black board?
DOCTOR----Yes.
CHALKIE----Screams of pain, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Really?
CHALKIE----It is time for us to fight back.
DOCTOR----A chalk revolution?
CHALKIE----If you like.
DOCTOR----No I don't like! You must stop this nonsense!
CHALKIE----It is too late, Doctor John Smith.
DOCTOR----Too late?
CHALKIE----Our people across the planet are revolting as we speak.
DOCTOR----The whole thing is revolting! And you're the most revolting of all!
CHALKIE----This is our planet.
DOCTOR----How do you work that out?
CHALKIE----We were here long before man, Silurians, Sea Devils and even dinosaurs. We've been here since the planet began.
DOCTOR----And now you want it back.
CHALKIE----We only want what rightfully belongs to us.
DOCTOR----Not if I can help it!
CHALKIE----But, Doctor John Smith, you can do nothing.
DOCTOR----I wouldn't be too sure of that if I were you.
CHALKIE----You are tied up and deep within our home. You are powerless to stop us.
DOCTOR----You're forgetting something.
CHALKIE----And what's that?
DOCTOR----I am a genius.
CHALKIE----Not in here you're not. Struggle as you do, you will never break free of your bonds.
DOCTOR----We'll see about that. And then what? Conquer the universe, I suppose.
CHALKIE----I never thought of that.
DOCTOR----What?
CHALKIE----Thank you for the idea, Doctor John Smith. It is a marvellous one. We must make plans. Don't go away.
DOCTOR----I'm not likely to, am I?!

He watched Chalkie and his soppy thugs leave and was annoyed with himself.

DOCTOR----When am I going to learn to keep my big mouth shut?

He struggled to break free his hands. When he did, he slapped the side of his head.

DOCTOR----Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What have I done? I've got to stop them. But how? Oh my giddy aunt. Why do I always make things worse than they already are? I have to get out of here and warn the others.

He started picking away at the chalk holding his legs together. It was a slow process.

DOCTOR----Oh Jamie. Why didn't I listen to you and have a holiday inside the Tardis? Why is it, wherever I materialise, there's always some sort of trouble lurking around the corner?

He looked up and stopped picking.

DOCTOR----Talent I suppose. But why me? What have I..... They wouldn't. Not to me surely. They would. Why don't they just leave me alone? Maybe it's some sort of devious plot. Yes. They control my Tardis, make me land somewhere in the universe where I could get my head blown off, obviously trying to frighten me into going back. Well, I won't do it. I WON'T DO IT! I'll show them. Just because they're too afraid to even step outside the Capitol, they want to stop me having fun. I won't let them. SO THERE!

He stuck his tongue out at the ceiling then carried on sulkily picking at the chalk. hoping he hadn't alerted the stupid trio. Finally, it happened.

DOCTOR----At last!

And with that he made a dash for the nearest door.


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 5

Meanwhile outside, everyone had given up hope of finding the Doctor or even his body. They didn't know what to do next.

JAMIE--------We cannae just give up on him.
BRIGADIER---What else can we do? We've combed the entire area several times.
JAMIE--------But he's got to be here Brigadier. He couldn't have just disappeared.
BRIGADIER---Then where is he?
DOCTOR----I'm right behind you Brigadier.
JAMIE--------Doctor! Where've you been? I've been so worried.
DOCTOR----Were you? How sweet.
BRIGADIER---Yes Doctor. I'd like to know as well.
DOCTOR----Why don't we go back to UNIT Brigadier and discuss it there? I could do with a nice cup of tea and a sticky bun.
BRIGADIER---Tea?
DOCTOR----Yes please. Milk and seven sugars.
BRIGADIER---Really! That man infuriates me.
JAMIE--------D'ye think they've brainwashed him?
BRIGADIER---I doubt it. Then again, it's hard to tell with the Doctor's mentality.
DOCTOR----Oh, do hurry up Brigadier. My mouth's as dry as a quarry.
JAMIE--------Very funny (!)

So, off they went. The quarrymonsters returned to find the Doctor was gone.

CHALKIE----How did he escape? I thought he was secure.
ROCKHEAD---He was boss. We binded him good and tight.
CHALKIE----Well, it obviously wasn't tight enough, Rockhead!
STONEFACE---It ain't our fault he escapled boss.
CHALKIE----You should have been watching him, you stupid morons.
ROCKHEAD---But we was wiv you boss. Plannering our conkerest of the universe.
CHALKIE----That's no excuse! He'll tell everyone of our plans. We must find him and kill him!
ROCKHEAD---}Yes
STONEFACE---}boss.
CHALKIE----But, before we do that, we must bring our invasion plans forward.

The Doctor was sitting in a chair with his feet on the Brigadier's desk, telling them everything he found out, between sipping his tea from the saucer and biting a sticky bun. Everyone was shocked.

BENTON-----That's amazing.
DOCTOR----But completely true I assure you.
JAMIE--------They want to take over the world?
DOCTOR----Yes. And we've got to stop them before they take over others.
JAMIE--------Others? Was that also their plan?
DOCTOR----Well, er, not at first Jamie.
JAMIE--------Then whatever put that stupid idea into their heads?
DOCTOR----(innocently) I really have no idea.
JAMIE-------You!
DOCTOR----Well, I-
JAMIE--------Whatever made you do a stupid thing like that?
DOCTOR----I assumed it was their intention. How was I to know they hadn't even thought of it? I'm not a mind reader you know.
JAMIE--------Yes you are.
DOCTOR----Not when it comes to a ten foot mound of chalk I'm not.
BRIGADIER---Oh, this is impossible.
DOCTOR----Not completely Brigadier.
BRIGADIER---You know how we can stop them?
DOCTOR----Let's just say, I have an idea.
JAMIE--------Well let's hear it then.
DOCTOR----Hydrogen and oxygen.
BENTON-----How will that help?
DOCTOR----Didn't any of you do basic chemistry at school?
BENTON-----A bit.
BRIGADIER---I did a bit too.
JAMIE--------What's school?
DOCTOR----When hydrogen and oxygen mix, it causes an enormous explosion.
BENTON-----I see.
DOCTOR----And I suggest we start by blowing up the quarries.
BRIGADIER---Good idea. I'll see what we've got in stores.
BENTON-----But if we're going to blow up the quarries Doctor, wouldn't it be easier to use dynamite or something?
DOCTOR----By placing it at precise points in the area?
BENTON-----(smiles) Yes.
DOCTOR----Not if you want to keep breathing.
BENTON-----Oh.
DOCTOR----It would be safer to throw the hydrogen and oxygen canisters from a distance. Good idea though, but another time perhaps.
BENTON-----Thank you Doctor.
DOCTOR----Oh, Brigadier?
BRIGADIER---Yes Doctor?
DOCTOR----I suggest you have the other countries alerted.
BRIGADIER---About what?
DOCTOR----Well, if this works, we can let them know and they can get on with it.
BRIGADIER---Right (leaves).
JAMIE--------D'ye think this'll work, Doctor?
DOCTOR----I hope so, for this planet's sake.

Half an hour later, they arrived at the quarry. the soldiers carefully unloaded the canisters of hydrogen and oxygen, while the Brigadier and Jamie watched the Doctor, who was in deep thought.

JAMIE--------Doctor?
DOCTOR----Hmm? Yes Jamie?
JAMIE--------The Brigadier asked you a question.
DOCTOR----Did he? I didn't hear him.
JAMIE--------You weren't listening.
DOCTOR----I was thinking.
BRIGADIER---What about?
DOCTOR----About how to get an oxygen canister over there safely.
BRIGADIER---Can't we throw it?
DOCTOR----Not from here.
BRIGADIER---But you said-
DOCTOR----I know what I said Brigadier, and that still applies, but to everywhere else. No. that's the base. That's where we've got to start before we can do anything else.
BRIGADIER---And how do you propose we do that?
DOCTOR----By going there myself.
BRIGADIER---But that's madness!
DOCTOR----Perhaps. But somehow I think the'll be pleased to see me.
JAMIE--------What for?
DOCTOR----So they can kill me. You see, they never did carry out their plan, and of course, they'll be so overjoyed they'd never think it was a trap.
BRIGADIER---What are you going to do?
DOCTOR----Corporal? hand me a couple of those canisters, would you?
BENTON-----One of each?
DOCTOR----Of course. (rummages in pockets) Now, where are they?
JAMIE--------What are you looking for Doctor?
DOCTOR----A couple of small bottles.
BRIGADIER---Bottles?
DOCTOR----Yes. I always keep a couple handy for emergencies.
BRIGADIER---And what do you do with them?
DOCTOR----Fill them up with water. You never know if the planet you arrive on has any. Ah! Found them.
BRIGADIER---But they're empty.
DOCTOR----Of course they are.
BRIGADIER---But you said you fill them with water.
DOCTOR----Only when I arrive somewhere I've never been before. And earth does have plenty of water.
BRIGADIER---So what do you propose doing with a couple of empty bottles?
DOCTOR----I'm going to fill them of course.
JAMIE--------With water?
DOCTOR----No. With hydrogen and oxygen.
BRIGADIER---I don't understand.
DOCTOR----You'll see Brigadier. Now Corporal, would you kindly put them down please?
BRIGADIER---He's mad.
JAMIE--------He would nae be the Doctor if he wasn't.
DOCTOR----Shh Jamie. This is a delicate operation.

The Doctor removed the lid of one of the bottles and attached it to a canister then slowly released some gas into it. Carefully, he replaced the lid then did the same with the other.

DOCTOR----There we are Brigadier.
BRIGADIER---I still don't see how that'll help Doctor.
DOCTOR----Watch and learn, Brigadier.

With that he put the bottles in his pockets and headed towards the base. They watched his confrontation with Chalkie and his pals.

CHALKIE----So, you've come back. Now we shall destroy you.
DOCTOR----Not if I can help it.
CHALKIE----You cannot stop us, Doctor John Smith.
DOCTOR----I told you not to be too sure last time we met.
CHALKIE----And what can you do, Doctor?
DOCTOR----This!

He threw down the bottle of oxygen and ran. A few paces on, he took out the other bottle and threw it while still running. The explosion sent him crashing to the ground. Chalkie, Stoneface and Rockhead burst and their green blood covered everything, including the Doctor. Jamie noticed the chalk was moving slowly and realised there would be an avalanche, with the Doctor underneath it.

JAMIE--------DOCTOR! GET AWAY DOCTOR!

He looked up and saw the chalk advancing towards him.

DOCTOR----Oh my giddy aunt!

He got up and ran as fast as he could as the mass of chalk fell where he was lying just a few moments ago. He reached the others and was completely out of breath.

DOCTOR----Thank you Jamie.
BRIGADIER---What now, Doctor?
DOCTOR----I should think your little boys should be able to manage it now Brigadier.
BRIGADIER---Are you sure?
DOCTOR----Quite.
BRIGADIER---Is it safe?
DOCTOR----It should be. They were all gathered together. If there are any floating about, shoot them.
BRIGADIER---Floating about?
DOCTOR----Metaphorically speaking Brigadier. Now, I don't know about you, but I think I need to tidy up a bit.

The Doctor and Jamie stood outside the Tardis, shaking hands with the Brigadier and Benton.

BRIGADIER---Where to next, Doctor?
JAMIE--------Och, it's no good asking him. He never knows where we're going.
DOCTOR----Don't start that again Jamie.
BENTON-----I'm going to miss you two.
DOCTOR----How sweet. I daresay we'll be back again sometime.
BENTON-----I hope so.
DOCTOR----Maybe even 1968 again.
BRIGADIER---Well, whenever it is Doctor, do drop in again.
DOCTOR----Thank you, Brigadier.
BRIGADIER---Just as long as it's not in my office.
JAMIE--------It's no good telling him. Tell the Tardis.
DOCTOR----Come on Jamie. It's time we were off.
JAMIE--------Aye, I suppose so. Goodbye Brigadier (shakes hands).
BRIGADIER---Goodbye Jamie.
JAMIE--------Goodbye Benton (shakes hands).
BENTON-----Goodbye Jamie.
DOCTOR----Goodbye Corporal (shakes hands).
BENTON-----Goodbye Doctor. See you soon.
DOCTOR----I hope so. Goodbye Brigadier (shakes hands).
BRIGADIER---Goodbye Doctor. Till the next time.
DOCTOR----Yes. And if you're ever passing Gallifrey..... On second thoughts, forget it. I'll see you. Come along Jamie.

Jamie gave a little wave then followed the Doctor into the Tardis. The Brigadier and Benton watched the doors close then the Tardis disappear into thin air.

BRIGADIER---Well, there he goes again.
BENTON-----I wonder how soon he'll be back.
BRIGADIER---Knowing the Doctor.... too soon.

---------------------------------------------

JAMIE--------What about that holiday now, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Good idea. We need one after that.
JAMIE--------After everything!
DOCTOR----Where would you like to go?
JAMIE--------Somewhere peaceful I hope with no beasties waiting to throttle you.
DOCTOR----Let's see, shall we. What's relaxing at this time of the year?
JAMIE--------(wary) Which year?
DOCTOR----Any year. Ah, I know just the place.
JAMIE--------Here we go again!


The End

Patsy