Look What's Crawled Out Of The Woodwork

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 1

Deep in space, a blue box spinned, crossing the galaxy with its lamp on top flashing. Inside a spacious console room the occupants were biding their time.

LEELA-------Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes, Leela?
LEELA-------Do you think we will ever see them again?
DOCTOR----Who?
LEELA-------Vila and the others.
DOCTOR----Perhaps.
LEELA-------It would be good.
DOCTOR----I take it you're missing Vila.
LEELA-------Yes. He was such an innocent man.
DOCTOR----That's one way of putting it.
LEELA-------And it would be good to speak to Avon. We parted on not good terms.
DOCTOR----I'm quite sure he forgives you.
LEELA-------I hope so. K9 misses Orac too.
DOCTOR----Maybe he's fallen in love.
LEELA-------How can a machine fall in love with another machine?
DOCTOR----It was a joke.
LEELA-------Joke?
DOCTOR----Mmm. Some humour.
LEELA-------Oh. Where are we going, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Earth.
LEELA-------Is that interesting?
DOCTOR----It has its moments.
LEELA-------Why are we going there?
DOCTOR----Because I'm needed at UNIT.
LEELA-------UNIT?
DOCTOR----Never mind. I can't wait to see the Brigadier's face when he meets you.
LEELA-------Is he a bad man?
DOCTOR----Not at all. A bit pompous at times. But then, aren't all soldiers with rank?
LEELA-------You confuse me Doctor.
DOCTOR----Sorry Leela. I keep forgetting you don't know what I'm talking about half the time. Sometimes even I don't know what I'm talking about half the time. Ah, we seem to have arrived. Come on.

Meanwhile in the bowels of the Tardis, a door opened by itself.....

The Doctor stepped out of the ship and surveyed the surroundings.

DOCTOR----They've redecorated! Cheek!
LEELA-------What is this place, Doctor?
DOCTOR----My laboratory. They could've asked first. Or at least consulted me about the colour scheme.
LEELA-------There seems to be only us here.
DOCTOR----Oh, there's bound to be someone around somewhere. Brigadier! Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart! Come out, come out, wherever you are!
LEELA-------Why are you shouting?
DOCTOR----To attract someone's attention of course. BRIGADIER!
LEELA-------Someone is coming.
DOCTOR----About time.
LEELA-------I sense....there is great anger.
DOCTOR----That'll be him.
BRIGADIER---What the blazes is going on here? Doctor!
DOCTOR----Hello Brigadier. I was beginning to think you'd never get here.
BRIGADIER---What on Earth are you doing here? Just 'dropped in'?
DOCTOR----You sent me a message.
BRIGADIER---I didn't, you know.
DOCTOR----Yes, you did. You said the Earth was in great danger from an unknown alien intelligence.
BRIGADIER---Well if I did, I'm afraid I know nothing about it. It's good to see you though.
DOCTOR----Yes. I suppose then I did just drop in.
BRIGADIER---You seem to make a habit of it, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Well...you know how it is, Brigadier. I always turn up where I'm not wanted.
BRIGADIER---Quite. Good grief! Who on Earth is that?
DOCTOR----That? Oh, that's Leela.
BRIGADIER---What have you done with Miss Smith, or shouldn't I ask?
DOCTOR----Haven't you seen her?
BRIGADIER---If I had Doctor, I wouldn't ask such a stupid question.
DOCTOR----Why change the habit of a lifetime?
BRIGADIER---You know Doctor, sometimes you strongly remind me of your other self.
DOCTOR----Do I? Which one?
BRIGADIER---The last one.
DOCTOR----Oh, me. You can't be serious, Brigadier. I admit I and I are the same, but I assure you I have matured somewhat since then.
BRIGADIER---I hadn't noticed. It seems to me Doctor, you never take things as seriously as you did when you couldn't go gallivanting around the universe.
DOCTOR----I can assure you I do, Brigadier. Don't I, Leela?
LEELA-------What?
DOCTOR----Never mind.
BRIGADIER---So where is Miss Smith?
DOCTOR----I brought her home. Perhaps the Tardis got the dates mixed. But it was definately South Croydon.
BRIGADIER---You mean, you stranded her somewhere, past ot presemt?!
DOCTOR----I'm glad to see you've grasped the basics of the Tardis at last.
BRIGADIER---How could you be irresponsible, man?!
DOCTOR----About what?
BRIGADIER---Miss Smith!
DOCTOR----Oh, I'm sure she'll turn up sooner or later. Didn't she always?
LEELA-------Who is Miss Smith?
DOCTOR----What? Oh, your predcessor.
LEELA-------What?
DOCTOR----She travelled with me before you.
LEELA-------Oh.
BRIGADIER---Nice girl, Miss Smith.
DOCTOR----When she wasn't screaming, interfering, spouting women's lib....
BRIGADIER---So, you're the latest.
LEELA-------Latest?
BRIGADIER---Friend of the Doctor's.
LEELA-------I suppose I must be.
BRIGADIER---It's nice to meet you, Leela.

While the Brigadier showed Leela how to shake hands, something crawled out of the Tardis.....

BRIGADIER---Well miss, I think I'd better find something for you to put on. Can't have you going around like that.
DOCTOR----Of course not. Especially with a load of soldiers about.
BRIGADIER---Quite. Shall we go?
DOCTOR----Hmmm. Brigadier?
BRIGADIER---Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Are you positive you didn't send that message?
BRIGADIER---Yes.
DOCTOR----Then I wonder who did?
VOICE-------I did.

Everyone turned and saw an enormous spider crawl out from under the table. The Doctor was visibly shocked.

DOCTOR----How did you get here?
SPIDER------The same way as you, Doctor.
DOCTOR----You were all destroyed!
SPIDER------I managed to escape.
DOCTOR----I can see that. But how?
SPIDER------When you came back, I knew it would be the end and the destruction of the Great One. I managed to sneak away without any of my sisters noticing. You left your craft unlocked, Doctor, so I went in and hid until the time was right to show myself.
DOCTOR----That's trespassing, you know!
SPIDER------It was such a stupid thing to do, Doctor, for one of great intelligence.
DOCTOR----I wasn't thinking clearly. I had just escaped death by order of your queen.
SPIDER------The queen was a fool.
DOCTOR----Was she?
SPIDER------Yes.
DOCTOR----Why?
SPIDER------Because she is dead and I am not.
DOCTOR----Good point.
BRIGADIER---Friend of yours, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Not exactly. This is one of the things which caused my regeneration.
BRIGADIER---Which regeneration?
DOCTOR----The last one!
BRIGADIER---A spider?!

The spider shot at the Brigadier.

SPIDER------Insolent fool! You are lucky. Next time you won't be.
BRIGADIER---What did I say?
DOCTOR----They prefer to be known as eight-legs.
BRIGADIER---Oh. Sorry. I didn't know.
SPIDER------Well, you do now.
BRIGADIER---Quite.
LEELA-------Let me kill it Doctor.
DOCTOR----You wouldn't get near it Leela. Leave it for now.
SPIDER------Friend of yours, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Deja vu! What? Yes.
SPIDER------Good.
DOCTOR----What do you want?
SPIDER------Revenge, Doctor.
DOCTOR----For what?
SPIDER------The destruction of our sisters and the Great One.
DOCTOR----It had to be done.
SPIDER------Only in your opinion, Doctor. I have waited a long time for this.
DOCTOR----For what?
SPIDER------Conquest of the Earth!
DOCTOR----(laughs) Oh, you'll go far, all by yourself.
SPIDER------But I am not alone, Doctor.
DOCTOR----(serious) What?
SPIDER------There are many others.
DOCTOR----You told us, only you escaped.
SPIDER------That is so, but now there are also my offspring.
DOCTOR----Offspring? How many?
SPIDER------See for yourself.

The Doctor's eyes bulged and his jaw dropped as he watched what seemed like thirty emerge from the Tardis.

DOCTOR----That's an awful lot of offspring.
SPIDER------Yes, Doctor. And there's no Metebelis crystal to help you now.
DOCTOR----No.
BRIGADIER---They're connected with that wretched crystal of yours?!
DOCTOR------I'm afraid so. But it's not been mine for a long time. I used it to destroy the Great One.
SPIDER------And yourself.
DOCTOR----Yes. But I didn't regret any of it.
SPIDER------You will co-operate, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Never!
SPIDER------You [/i]will[/i], Doctor.
DOCTOR----Never!

Unknown to them, a spider leapt onto Leela's back and joined itself with her mentally, before turning invisible.

SPIDER------You have no choice, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Everyone has a choice.
SPIDER------Have it your way, Doctor. You can either choose to help us, or your female friend will die.
DOCTOR----All right, you win.
SPIDER------I knew you'd see sense, Doctor.
DOCTOR----For now, anyway.
SPIDER------Any tricks Doctor, and she dies. Do you understand?
DOCTOR----Yes!
SPIDER------Excellent. Now we shall discuss my plans.
DOCTOR----If you like.
SPIDER------The girl and the imbecile remain here. You will come with me.
DOCTOR----Don't do anything stupid, Brigadier.
BRIGADIER---I won't, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Good. The same goes for you, Leela.
LEELA-------I understand.
DOCTOR----Good. Good. See you later.


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 2

The Doctor took long strides as they headed for the Brigadier's office, with the Spider lagging about two feet behind. The Doctor peered over his shoulder, hands firmly in his trouser pockets.

DOCTOR----Come along. If you expect to conquer an entire planet, I'm afraid you'll have to move faster than that.
SPIDER------Two-legs have always moved faster, Doctor. A fact that will change very soon.
DOCTOR----We'll see.
SPIDER------How much further?
DOCTOR----Oh, about two more corners. I'd offer to give you a piggy-back, but you know how it is (smiles).
SPIDER------Are you afraid of coming under complete control, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Not at all. I'm just not stupid enough to let you try. Ah, we've arrived.

The Doctor pushed the door open then ran to the desk, where he sat in the Brigadier's chair, feet on the desk. He pulled out his yo-yo and played with it, whistling, as he waited for the spider.

SPIDER------Would you stop that awful noise!

The Doctor shut up and put his yo-yo away.

DOCTOR----At last. I was beginning to think you'd never get here.
SPIDER------We are alone, aren't we?
DOCTOR----(looks round) Well, I should think so unless there's someone under the floor.
SPIDER------Good. I have a proposition for you.
DOCTOR----No, thank you.
SPIDER------But you haven't heard what I'm going to say.
DOCTOR----I don't care. I don't like being propositioned and especially not by - as dear Jamie would say - a great big hairy beastie.
SPIDER------You will change your mind.
DOCTOR----I shouldn't think so.
SPIDER------Have it your own way. But don't say I haven't warned you.
DOCTOR----I consider myself well and truly threatened. Now, about this insane idea of yours.
SPIDER------Which one?
DOCTOR----You have more than one? Hmm. Well, the one about ruling Earth.
SPIDER------What about it?
DOCTOR----It won't work, you know.
SPIDER------Why do you say that?
DOCTOR----Because I'll stop you.
SPIDER------With your life?
DOCTOR----If necessary.
SPIDER------Like on Metebelis 3?
DOCTOR----It worked very well then.
SPIDER------Not quite.
DOCTOR----Oh?
SPIDER------I got away.
DOCTOR----Well, that's pretty obvious. Why don't you invade somewhere else?
SPIDER------Any planet in particular?
DOCTOR----Yes. Skaro or Telos would be good.
SPIDER------Really?
DOCTOR----Yes. I'd like to see that.
SPIDER------I'll bear that in mind. We seem to have made no progress.
DOCTOR----Disappointed?
SPIDER------Not at all. It would have helped with your co-operation, but we can manage perfectly well without it.
DOCTOR----How optimistic of you (!)
SPIDER------I suggest we return to the others.

------------------------------------

BENTON----Brigadier. I was told you were..... What the hell is that?
BRIGADIER---Careful Sergeant. Stay right where you are and I strongly advise you not to do anything.
BENTON----Where did they come from?
BRIGADIER---It seems the Doctor brought them, although I must say, on his behalf, he didn't realise they were in his Tardis.
BENTON----The Doctor's here?
BRIGADIER---I just said so.
BENTON----Sorry sir. What do they want?
BRIGADIER---To take over Earth.
BENTON----Not another lot! The Doctor seems to attract alien invaders.
BRIGADIER---Ah, but to be fair, he doesn't always bring them himself.
BENTON----Where is the Doc?
BRIGADIER---Having a cosy little chat with the leader. I wouldn't be surprised if he'll hand them this planet on a plate.
BENTON----The Doctor wouldn't sell us out, sir.
BRIGADIER---No, I know he wouldn't. But all the same, it's his fault.
BENTON----How?
BRIGADIER---It seems, Mister Benton, the leader has a grudge against the Doctor and it's all to do with that infernal blue crystal he used to have.
BENTON----Why, sir?
BRIGADIER---It was from that wretched planet he always talked about. What was it called? Metebelis 3. That's it. Metebelis 3.
BENTON----Oh, that place.
BRIGADIER---Yes, Benton. That place. Apparently, from what the spider said, he destroyed something called the Great One which, in turn, destroyed the rest except the one that escaped into his Tardis, before he came back here and changed his face again.
BENTON----I see. Who's that girl?
BRIGADIER---The Doctor's friend. Leela, her name is.
BENTON----Is she okay? She seems to be acting very odd.
BRIGADIER---Perhaps that's why the Doctor took a shine to her. Well suited in my opinion.

Suddenly, the spiders began to advance towards them.....

Meanwhile, outside the lab....

SPIDER------Wait!
DOCTOR----What now?
SPIDER------You will not go in.
DOCTOR----But you said we'll go back with them.
SPIDER------And we will. But not yet.
DOCTOR----I wish you'd make up your mind.
SPIDER------With a remark like that Doctor, you're lucky I haven't killed you.
DOCTOR----No, but your leader tried and failed, I must add.
SPIDER------That was an oversight which could so easily be rectified.
DOCTOR----I'll bear that in mind. Can we go in now?
SPIDER------Wait! yes. You may enter and join your friends.
DOCTOR----Thank you (goes in). Hello everyone.
LEELA-------Doctor!
DOCTOR----Everything all right?
BRIGADIER---Fine.
DOCTOR----No trouble with the....them?
BRIGADIER---No. They haven't moved a muscle. I think they're all asleep.
DOCTOR----Oh, I doubt that.
LEELA-------Where have you been? I have been worried.
DOCTOR----Oh, just having a conversation with our eight-legged friend here.
BRIGADIER---I hope you agreed to their demands, Doctor.
DOCTOR----What? How did you know?
BRIGADIER---The conversation you had before you left.
DOCTOR----Oh. Well, we reached an impasse, shall we say.
LEELA-------You must co-operate, Doctor. For all our sakes.
DOCTOR----Why?
LEELA-------It would be more productive to give them what they want.
DOCTOR----"Productive"? Leela, you've never.... Right. Well, Mister Benton! Why, my dear chap. It's so good to see you again.
BENTON----And you, Doctor. It's so good you've returned toEearth.
DOCTOR----Yes. What was it I said after that Axon business, Brigadier? Oh yes. I'm like an intergalactic yo-yo. Or something like that.
BRIGADIER---Quite.
DOCTOR----You were more amused the first time, remember?
BRIGADIER---Of course I do.
DOCTOR----Yes. So, did you find out about Sarah at all?
BRIGADIER---Afraid not.
DOCTOR----Oh. I'd rather like to know where I left her too. This has got me very baffled. But, I love a mystery so I'll probably come across her when I least expect it.
BENTON----Miss Smith? She's here.
BRIGADIER---Really?
BENTON----Yes. That's what I wanted to speak to you about.
BRIGADIER---Excellent. There you are, Doctor. Mystery solved.
DOCTOR----What a shame. Still, she has turned up when I least expected it.
BRIGADIER---I suggest you go and bring her here, John.
BENTON----Sir.
BRIGADIER---And no mention of the Doctor. I'd like it to be a surprise.
BENTON----Right, sir (leaves).
DOCTOR----Are you all right, Leela?
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR----You're awfully quiet.
LEELA-------Am I?
DOCTOR----Yes. It's not like you. Not like you at all.
LEELA-------Sorry. I was just thinking how good it would be to see Sarah-Jane.
DOCTOR----Leela, how did you know her name was Sarah-Jane?
LEELA-------You told me.
DOCTOR----Did I? When?
LEELA-------Ages ago.
DOCTOR----I must have forgotton. So many things happening. Where's K9?
LEELA-------K9?
DOCTOR----Yes. Where is he?
LEELA-------I don't know.
BRIGADIER---Who's this, K9?
DOCTOR----He travels with Leela and I. Brain like a computer. We met him at the Bi-Al foundation and was invaluable during the trouble there. We'd never have managed without him, would we Leela?
LEELA-------No, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Leela took a shine to him. Insisted we take him with us, didn't you?
LEELA-------Yes.
DOCTOR----He's only little, but brilliant with a blaster. Why don't I see if I can find him, eh?
SPIDER------Not so fast, Doctor. You promised there would be no tricks.
DOCTOR----And there won't be, I promise.
SPIDER------You know what will happen.
DOCTOR----You remind me often enough. All I want to do is go in the Tardis to find and bring out my other friend. If I can find him, that is. He's so small he'll hide anywhere to prevent doing some work.
SPIDER------You had better not be lying, Doctor. Remember what happened to Lupton when he got above himself.
DOCTOR----Well, he was stupid. Whereas you're so often telling me how intelligent I am. Look, if you hear the Tardis begin to materialise, you can fire at it as much as you like because that's when it's at its most vulnerable.
SPIDER------I hope it is as you say, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Of course it is. Don't you think I'd know my own Tardis by now?
SPIDER------All right, Doctor. You can find your friend.
DOCTOR----Try to find him. Thank you.
BENTON----Here they all are.
SARAH------Hello Brigadier. Long time no see.
BRIGADIER---Miss Smith. Thank you Sergeant.
SARAH------Doctor!
DOCTOR----Hello Sarah. Oh, this is Leela. Leela, Sarah.
SARAH------I've got a bone to pick with you.
DOCTOR----Really? What about?
SARAH------Where you left me.
DOCTOR----Well, come into the Tardis and tell me all about it.
SARAH------Oh no, Doctor.
DOCTOR----What?
SARAH------You're not getting me inside that again. Harry made the right decision. My only regret is I didn't stay with him.
DOCTOR----Have I done something to upset you?
SARAH------Oh no, Doctor (!) Being hypnotised, blinded, shot at, half-throttled by plants, nearly eaten by a tyrannosaurus rex, poisoned by Cybermats, not forgetting the Daleks, of course, then dumped miles from home are everyday occurances for me (!)
DOCTOR----You've forgotton something, Sarah.
SARAH------What's that (?)
DOCTOR----Look around you.
SARAH------(screams) N-not again!
DOCTOR----Yes. Why don't you say, hello?
SARAH------You aren't serious.
DOCTOR----Oh, but I am. This human has met your old queen. Isn't that right, Sarah?
SARAH------Y-yes, that's right.
DOCTOR----In fact, they were so close, Sarah tried to kill me to get the crystal. Isn't that also right, Sarah?
SARAH------Yes!
DOCTOR----So, treat her with respect. Come on, Sarah.
SARAH------Where?
DOCTOR----Into the Tardis.
SARAH------You never listen to a word I say. Nothing really changes.
DOCTOR----Sorry? I wasn't listening. I need your help.
SARAH------(sighs) All right, Doctor. But this is definitely the last time.
DOCTOR----Whatever you say.
SPIDER------Stop!
DOCTOR----What now?
SPIDER------Why is the female going with you?
DOCTOR----To help me look for K9. It will take less time with the two of us.
SARAH------But I don't know what this, K9, looks like.
DOCTOR----Small and he gets his name from his K9 teeth. Isn't that right, Leela?
LEELA-------That's right, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Now you know.
SPIDER------You had better not be trying to trick me.
DOCTOR----Why don't you try trusting me for once, eh? Sarah here, doesn't want to leave Earth and I wouldn't go without Leela anyway.
SPIDER------Go then.
DOCTOR----Thank you. Come on Sarah.

Once Sarah had walked through the doors, the Doctor quickly closed them and set up the force field.

SARAH------You're back in here then.
DOCTOR----Yes.
SARAH------What happened to the wooden one?
DOCTOR----It's still there. You've got to help me, Sarah.
SARAH------Oh, no.
DOCTOR----You have to. You're the only one.
SARAH------Never again, Doctor. Do you hear me? Never again.
DOCTOR----Please.
SARAH------Get that, whatshername-
DOCTOR----Leela.
SARAH------Yes, her or one of the others. The Brigadier, huh?
DOCTOR----I can't. It's too late.
SARAH------What are you talking about, Doctor? They're only a few feet away.
DOCTOR----In body, yes. But not in mind.
SARAH------You really do get worse, you know. All right. You've had your fun. Now let me out of here.
DOCTOR----Sarah, listen to me. They're possessed, just like you were.
SARAH------How do you know? They seemed fine to me.
DOCTOR----Oh, little things.
SARAH------Like what?

The Doctor removed a small whistle from his pocket, brought it to his lips and blew.

SARAH------What are you doing now?
DOCTOR----You'll see.
K9------------Master?
DOCTOR----Ah, K9. Not busy, I hope.
SARAH------K9?!
DOCTOR----That's right.
K9------------Busy? Clarify, busy.
DOCTOR----Ransacking the Tardis databanks again.
K9------------Negative, master. I was scanning them.
DOCTOR----That's what I meant.
K9------------You did not say.
DOCTOR----I apologise, K9.
K9------------Apologies are not necessary, master.
DOCTOR----Thank you, K9.
SARAH------But, you said-
DOCTOR----I know what I said. That was to confirm my suspicions. You see, Leela didn't know who K9 was and it was her idea to take him with us.
SARAH------I see. But the Brigadier?
DOCTOR----And Sergeant Benton. When did you ever hear the Brigadier use Benton's first name?
SARAH------Never.
DOCTOR----Exactly. And he's now RSM Benton, but he still calls him Sergeant.
SARAH------So do you.
DOCTOR----Habit.
SARAH------Perhaps it's the same with the Brigadier.
DOCTOR----No. He knew, much as Leela did, what the Spider was talking to me in private about. And Leela used a long word for someone who isn't well educated.
SARAH------And knew what it meant too, I suppose.
DOCTOR----Now you're getting it.
SARAH------Don't be patronising, Doctor. I thought you killed all the spiders.
DOCTOR----So did I.
SARAH------What happened?
DOCTOR----It's a long story. Suffice to say, one survived and the rest are it's babies.
SARAH------Pretty large babies.
DOCTOR----Well, the had been hiding in the Tardis for a long time.
SARAH------What do they want?
DOCTOR----The same as all failed megalomaniacs, Sarah. revenge.
SARAH------Where do you come into all this? No, don't tell me. The Great One. Well?
DOCTOR----You told me not to tell you.
SARAH------Very funny (!)
DOCTOR----If only it were. They want my help to conquer Earth then the entire universe.
SARAH------How can they do that?
DOCTOR----By using the Tardis.
SARAH------What do they intend to do, ask you nicely?
DOCTOR----They've already tried that, without success. I think they'll try to take me over, like they did with the others.
SARAH------You're not going to let them, I hope.
DOCTOR----Of course I am.
SARAH------Doctor-
DOCTOR----Trust me. However, I suspect they'll try it again on you.
SARAH------Oh, no!
DOCTOR----You must.
SARAH------It was bad enough the first time.
DOCTOR----Sarah, I haven't asked much of you over the years.
SARAH------Course not (!)
DOCTOR----But for my plan to work, you [/i]must[/i] let them.
SARAH------Supposing I tell them about your plan?
DOCTOR----You won't, because I'm not telling you what it is.
SARAH------All right. Supposing then I tell them you have a plan?
DOCTOR----You won't do that either because you won't be under their control.
SARAH------I don't understand.
DOCTOR----Follow me. K9, you come too.
K9------------Master.
SARAH------Why do I always let you manipulate me, Doctor?
DOCTOR----(smiles) You can't resist my charms. Come on (leaves).
SARAH------I just know I'm going to regret this. Hell,
don't I always?!


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 3

About half an hour later, the Doctor and Sarah emerged from the Tardis.

SPIDER------Did you find your friend, Doctor?
DOCTOR----K9? No. We looked everywhere, didn't we, Sarah?
SARAH------We most certainly did. If you don't believe me, ask my aching feet.
SPIDER------Enough of these games! Daughter. it is time.
DOCTOR----Time for what? Tea?
SPIDER------Be silent! I have had enough of these games. Now!

The Doctor watched as a spider leapt onto Sarah's back and feigned disgust.

DOCTOR----Isn't it about time you came up with something more imaginative? This jumping onto people's backs is terribly monotonous you know, and very boring.
SPIDER------Silence, Doctor! I will not tell you again. Restrain him.

The Doctor stepped back from the approaching Leela, Brigadier and Benton until he could retreat no further. They grabbed him.

DOCTOR----What's going on? Let me go!
SPIDER------It is no use struggling, Doctor.
DOCTOR----I demand you release me this minute!
SPIDER------Never. I gave you the chance to co-operate but you refused. Now I must take matters into my own hands.
DOCTOR----Oh, don't tell me. I'm going to get jumped on from behind. Not very sporting of you really. It gives me no chance to get away.
SPIDER------That is the idea.
DOCTOR----Not as long as my mind's my own, you won't!

The Doctor struggled then broke free and ran towards the Tardis. Before he reached it, Leela, The Brigadier and Benton extended their arms and shot an energy bolt into his back, making the Doctor fall heavily on the floor.

SPIDER------Take him daughter, but do not damage his mind. It is valuable to our future of universal domination.

The spider crawled onto the Doctor's back and locked her mind with his. The others revealed themselves on the rest.

SPIDER------Doctor? Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes.... Oh, Great One.
SPIDER------Get up.

The Doctor grabbed the handle of the Tardis and hauled himself up.

SPIDER------Open the door.
DOCTOR----Yes, Great One.
SPIDER------Excellent. Now we will enter. Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes, Great One?
SPIDER------You will enter last. Understood?
DOCTOR----Understood, Great One.

The Doctor followed every human and spider into the Tardis.

SPIDER------Close the doors.

The Doctor did.

SPIDER------Where shall we begin?
DOCTOR----Might I suggest the planet of the flies, Great One?
SPIDER------Flies?
DOCTOR----Yes.
SPIDER------As in, food?
DOCTOR----Well I don't mean, as in trousers.
SPIDER------Perhaps I was a little hasty in my decision about your mind. It might be more beneficial to have it totally destroyed.
DOCTOR----Apologies, Great One. I will try not to do it again.
SPIDER------All right. Do your best.
DOCTOR----I will.
SPIDER------I think that's an excellent planet to start with. Let's go there.
DOCTOR----Yes, Great One.

The Doctor punched in the co-ordinates and they all watched the time rotor rise and fall.

SPIDER------How long will it take?
DOCTOR----Not sure.
SPIDER------Guess!
DOCTOR----Around twenty minutes, Great One.
SPIDER------Excellent. You may detach yourselves from the humans, except the Doctor and Sarah-Jane Smith, my daughters.

One by one they dropped to the floor and joined their mother. Leela, the Brigadier and Benton were all dazed.

BRIGADIER---What on earth's going on? (looks round) What are we doing inside this infernal contraption? Doctor? Doctor? Answer me man!
LEELA-------Doctor?
BENTON----He's just like the girl was, sir.
BRIGADIER---Miss Leela? Don't be absurd man.
SPIDER------The human is correct. We have total control of the Doctor and through him we shall dominate time and space.
BRIGADIER---I see. What about Miss Smith? Surely, she isn't possessed too.
SPIDER------She is.
BRIGADIER---But why? She's done nothing.
SPIDER------On the contrary. She was useful to our quenn the last time. Such an easy subject to manipulate. I thought she could be of use a second time.
BRIGADIER---So, there's nothing we can do.
SPIDER------No.
BRIGADIER---Then I suppose we have no choice but to entrust our lives in the Doctor's hands.
SPIDER------But if you try anything, we shall destroy the Doctor and then every one of you.
BRIGADIER---We'll behave.
SPIDER------You had better.
BRIGADIER---I said we would. What do you want, blood?
SPIDER------What a good idea.
BRIGADIER---It was only a saying. I didn't mean it literally.
SPIDER------No? A pity. I thought you were offering to sacrifice yourself.

The Brigadier coughed nervously and reddened slightly.

LEELA-------You are a coward. I will offer myself to be sacrificed if it is needed.
BRIGADIER---Don't be foolish, girl.
BENTON----The Brigadier's right, miss.
LEELA-------I am no coward. If it is a choice between my life or the Doctor's, I will die.
BENTON----You'd give your life to save the Doc's?
LEELA-------And perhaps yours too.
BRIGADIER---Are you some sort of martyr, then?
LEELA-------I am a warrior of the Sevateem. We do not fear death, unlike you.
BRIGADIER---If I feared death miss, I wouldn't be a soldier.
LEELA-------Soldier?
BENTON----Like a warrior, miss.
LEELA-------Oh. I am sorry.
BRIGADIER---That's all right. Still, there aren't many who would lay down their life for the Doctor. Or anyone, come to that.
BENTON----Miss Grant did sir, during all that Daemon business.
BRIGADIER---She must be the exception. After all, the Doctor can afford to lose a life when he has so many. Still, somehow I can't see Miss Smith there, offering to do the decent thing. Not with her feminist views.
BENTON----The way things are going, it doesn't look like we'll ever find out.
BRIGADIER---No. But at least she's quiet for a change.
LEELA-------I wish K9 was here. He'd know what we should do.
BRIGADIER---The little fellow? The Doctor and Miss Smith couldn't find him.
LEELA-------The Doctor doesn't know all the places he hides in. I will call him.
BRIGADIER---What good would that do?
LEELA-------He will come.
BRIGADIER---He's not a dog, you know.
LEELA-------But he-

Leela was interrupted by the sound of materialisation which filled the room, preventing her from saying too much.

BRIGADIER---What's that awful noise? Ah, it's stopped. Good.
LEELA-------We have landed.
BRIGADIER---Landed? Landed where?
LEELA-------I do not know.
BRIGADIER---Why I keep letting the Doctor get me into these situations, I'll never know.
SPIDER------You didn't, human. We [/i]did. You were under our control when you entered this time machine.
BRIGADIER---"Time machine"? have you been reading H. G. Wells?
SPIDER------If that was not a serious question, be quiet. Was it?
BRIGADIER---No, not really. Don't know why I said it really.
SPIDER------You have obviously been around the Doctor too much. That is the kind of remark I would have expected from him.
BRIGADIER---It would seem you may be right. His flippancy in serious situations seems to have rubbed off on me. I do apologise, most strongly.
SPIDER------Accepted. You wished to know where we are.
BRIGADIER---Yes.
SPIDER------Well, as the Doctor might say: we have stopped for tea.
BRIGADIER---I didn't know you drank it.
SPIDER------We don't.
BRIGADIER---Oh.
SPIDER------This is the planet of the flies. Our opposite number, you might say.
BRIGADIER---Ah, I understand now.
SPIDER------Good. Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes, Great One?
SPIDER------Commence with whatever it is you do on landing.
DOCTOR----Yes, Great One.
LEELA-------Doctor?
BENTON----It's no good miss. He can't hear you.
DOCTOR----Atmosphere breathable. Radiation zero. The conditions outside are acceptable.
SPIDER------Excellent. Open the doors. I am hungry.
DOCTOR----Yes, Great One.
BRIGADIER---What are we supposed to do while you're eating?
SPIDER------You will accompany us.
BRIGADIER---Ah.
SPIDER------Come.

The spider led the way as they left the Tardis and emerged on the edge of a misty swamp. The Doctor closed and locked the door when everyone was outside, to ensure no one sneaked in again. The spider heard some of her daughters scream.

SPIDER------My daughters! What is going on? Where is this place? Where are the flies?
BRIGADIER---Well, don't look at me. I have no more idea than you, I'm afraid.
SPIDER------Doctor? Why can I see no flies?
DOCTOR----The Tardis probably made a mistake, Great One. She has been known not to get me to where I want to go, on numerous occasions.

More spiders screamed and few remained.

SPIDERS------Daughters! What is going on?
DOCTOR----Your Waterloo, I'm afraid.
SPIDER------You have tricked me!
DOCTOR----(smiles) Well, of course I have. You did say I was intelligent. I knew all along you'd had my friends taken over.
SPIDER------How?
DOCTOR----Leela is a savage and not too well educated, so she'd hardly use the word, "productive" in a million years and know what it means. The Brigadier here? Well, he not only knew of our conversation word for for, but also called RSM Benton, Sergeant and John. And of course, he didn't seem at all surprised by it. But the biggest mistake of all was when Leela had absolutely no recognition when I mentioned K9. She's really fond of him but went along with everything I said, truth and lies.

Before the spider could react, more of her daughters disappeared.

SPIDER------Where is this place?
DOCTOR----Amphibius.
SPIDER------You have tricked me!
DOCTOR----Congratulations.
SPIDER------You will die for this!
DOCTOR----I don't think so.
SPIDER------Daughter-
DOCTOR----Before you say any more, I think I should advise you that your daughters on my and Sarah's backs are not under your control.
SPIDER------You lie!
DOCTOR----You wish (!) I gave Sarah an injection, which means as soon as your daughter locked into her mind, it was destroyed.
SPIDER------I don't believe you.
DOCTOR----Sarah, get it off.
SARAH------With pleasure, Doctor. I don't know how Lupton managed to put up with it.
DOCTOR----Well, he was mad.

The spider watched Sarah remove the dead spider and drop it into the swamp.

SPIDER------There is the one on your back.
DOCTOR----You don't listen, do you? I have free will, therefore [/i]I[/i] am controlling [/i]it[/i].

He closed his eyes and the spider fell, stunned. The effect didn't last long as it and the others disappeared.
DOCTOR----It seems you're the only one left.

SPIDER------It isn't over yet.
DOCTOR----I'm afraid it is. I'm really sorry it has to be like this. Everything has a right to live in the universe. But I couldn't really let you take over the cosmos now, could I?
SPIDER------You will-

Before the spider had a chance to finish, it was eaten.

DOCTOR----Leela?
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR----I want you to take the key and let everyone into the Tardis.
LEELA-------Is it over?
DOCTOR----Yes, it's over. Right, off you all go.
LEELA-------What about you?
DOCTOR----I'll be along in a minute. Now, hurry up.

The Doctor watched them go.

DOCTOR----I hope you all enjoyed that. It should kill the hunger for five minutes or so. Goodbye.

The Doctor entered the Tardis and went straight to the console.

DOCTOR----Right. I think it's time you all went home, don't you?
BRIGADIER---I couldn't agree more, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Somehow I knew you'd say that.
SARAH------Bit like old times eh, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes. Still, I expect you'll be glad to be back home.
SARAH------Well, actually, I thought-
DOCTOR----Ah, home (opens doors).
BRIGADIER---That was quick. I thought it took twenty minutes.
DOCTOR----Not really, Brigadier. That was to lure the spiders into a false sense of security.
BRIGADIER---So, why did it take so long to get there?
DOCTOR----Oooh, I programmed a few detours in, that's all.
BRIGADIER---Oh, very clever, I must say.
DOCTOR----(smiles) It was nothing. Well, I think it's time to say goodbye.
BRIGADIER---Just like that?
DOCTOR----Just like that.
BRIGADIER---Not staying for a chat and a cup of tea then.
DOCTOR----Best not. Leela and I had better get on our way.
SARAH------Doctor?
DOCTOR----Take care Sarah.
SARAH------(disappointed) Oh. Bye, Doctor. (leaves)
DOCTOR----Mister Benton.
BENTON----See you soon, Doctor.
DOCTOR----I hope so.
BRIGADIER---With your track record, I should think that's more than likely.
BENTON----Bye, miss.
LEELA-------Leela.
BENTON----Bye, Leela. (leaves)
DOCTOR----Another one, Leela?
LEELA-------Another one?
DOCTOR----Like Avon.
LEELA-------Oh.
BRIGADIER---Well, goodbye Doctor, Leela.
DOCTOR----Just a moment, Brigadier. I think when you call me in future, you should use some sort of codeword.
BRIGADIER---And what would you suggest? UNIT, perhaps? Tardis? Long scarf?!
DOCTOR----Much too obvious. How about, "spider"?
BRIGADIER---I don't think that's very funny, Doctor.
DOCTOR----It's not meant to be. I just thought, after the way it fooled me it was very apt.
BRIGADIER---All right, Doctor. "Spider" it is. Can I go now?
DOCTOR----Most definitely. Goodbye Alistair. And don't do anything stupid while I'm away.
BRIGADIER---As if I would. (leaves)
DOCTOR----Right, shall we go?
LEELA-------Where is K9?
DOCTOR----I told him not to come out until it was safe. He's in the bathroom. Why don't you go and get him?

The Doctor closed the door, punched some buttons and dematerialised.

BENTON----I wonder is we will see him again, sir?
BRIGADIER---Who knows, Mr Benton? Who knows? Come on, the Doctor might not have wanted tea, but I do. What about you, Miss Smith?
SARAH------Mmm, lovely. But what was all that in the Tardis about my feminist views.....?


The End

Patsy