Children Should Be Seen And Not Heard

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 1

Deep in the space/time vortex, the Tardis travelled uneventfully towards its next destination. Inside, the Doctor and K9 were playing snap and trying to teach Leela.

LEELA-------But it is so hard, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Nonsense. It's one of the easiest games in the universe, isn't it K9?
K9------------Affirmative, master. Can you play my next card please, mistress?
LEELA-------Of course K9.
K9------------Snap!
DOCTOR----What, again?
K9------------Affirmative, master.
DOCTOR----You keep doing that. I knew these cards were a bit dog-eared, but hadn't realised they were dog-crisped.
K9------------Master?
DOCTOR----Are you positive you don't have X-ray vision, K9?
K9------------Affirmative, master.
DOCTOR----Then you must be cheating some other way.
K9------------Computers cannot cheat, master.
DOCTOR----Well, I hardly expect someone who's doing it would own up.
K9------------You start this time, mistress.
LEELA-------All right, K9.
K9------------Now you, master.
DOCTOR----I know, I know. There. Ha, ha.
K9------------Can you turn my next card, mistress?
LEELA-------Again? Very well, K9.
K9------------Snap!
DOCTOR----After only three cards? Now I know there's something funny going on.
K9------------Master?

The familiar sound of materialisation filled the room.

DOCTOR----A-ha! And about time. It was a silly game anyway.

The Doctor threw his cards down, got off the floor and strode to the console.

DOCTOR----Hmm, everything seems to be okay. I wonder where we are? Oh, Earth. That makes a pleasant change (!) Let's have a look, shall we?

He turned on the scanner.

LEELA-------Never mind K9. I didn't believe you were cheating. The Doctor is just a bad loser.
DOCTOR----I am not! Ah, a park! And it's not raining for once.
K9------------Apologies are not necessary, mistress.
LEELA-------You are a wonderful dog, K9.
DOCTOR----Watch it, you'll have him blushing.
K9------------Computers do not blush, master.
DOCTOR----Never mind. Right, shall we go outside, Leela?
LEELA-------Is it interesting, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes! No! Well, quite interesting. Are you coming or not?
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR----(opens doors) Good. K9? You want to go walkies?
K9------------I do not walk, master.
DOCTOR----Trundlies then.
K9------------Master?
DOCTOR----Do you want to come with us or not?
K9------------Affirmative, master.
DOCTOR----Good! Well, come on then. We don't want to waste the sunshine on this glorious day.

The Doctor strode outside and looked around, hands in pockets.

DOCTOR----Yes, it is a very nice day - for England. Can't be summer. Thee's not a drop of rain or cloud in the sky. Hurry up, you two!
LEELA-------We're here, Doctor. There is no need to shout.
DOCTOR----At last.
LEELA-------Phew, it's so hot.
K9------------Temperature, thirty five degress celcius, mistress.
DOCTOR----Then it must be summer after all.
K9------------Affirmative, master.
DOCTOR----Hmm, I don't think I'll need my hat.

He took it off and threw it into the Tardis before locking the door.

LEELA-------What did you do that for?
DOCTOR----I don't want to roast in this heat.
LEELA-------What about your scarf?
DOCTOR----What about it?
LEELA-------It will make you very hot.
DOCTOR----Nonsense. Now I'm not wearing my hat, I feel as cool as a cucumber.
LEELA-------"Cool as a cucumber"?
DOCTOR----It's an expression. It means, not very hot.
K9------------Cucumber. Elongated green vegetable which can be used in salads, sandwiches-
DOCTOR----I know, K9!

He crouched beside K9, pulled a lead from his pocket, attached it to the mechanical dog then stood again.

LEELA-------What did you do that for?
DOCTOR----Because of that notice, over there.
LEELA-------What does it say? Is it some sort of code?
DOCTOR----No. It says, "Please keep off the grass. All dogs must be kept on a lead and not allowed to foul the footpath". So, no leaving little clumps of iron filings behind you, K9.
K9------------I do not have iron filings, master.
DOCTOR----A trail of engine oil then. Stop splitting hairs.
K9------------Master?
DOCTOR----Never mind.
LEELA-------But Doctor, there are people on the grass.
DOCTOR----I know.
LEELA-------But the sign says they are not allowed on it.
DOCTOR----Oh, nobody ever pays attention to signs.
LEELA-------You have with K9.
DOCTOR----That's because I'm doing my public duty.
LEELA-------I am confused.
DOCTOR----Well, never mind that. Hello.
LEELA-------Hello.
DOCTOR----Don't start that again.
LEELA-------Then why did you say it?
DOCTOR----Because I've just seen someone by the lake I recognise. Come on. Let's see if he remembers me.

They made their way along the path and stopped in front of the man who was crouched down picking up coins. He noticed Leela's bare legs.

MAN---------Oh, I say.

The man slowly rose, pocketing the coins as he did.

DOCTOR----Harry Sullivan! I knew it was you.
HARRY------Goodness me. Doctor! It's good to see you again.
DOCTOR----And you. How long's it been now?
HARRY------Nearly fifteen years, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Well now. Doesn't time fly?
HARRY------It does with that Tardis of yours. And, erm, who's the young lady?
DOCTOR----This is Leela. She travels with me.
HARRY------Very pleased to meet you. I say, do you often dress like that?
LEELA-------What is wrong with it?
HARRY------Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. It's just a bit... Well, you know. Modern fashions, I suppose.
DOCTOR----Perhaps. But Leela is a warrior.
HARRY------Oh, a warrior, eh? That must be terribly interesting.
LEELA-------It is, when I am allowed to carry my weapons.
DOCTOR----(coughs) And this is my dog, K9.
HARRY------A dog?
DOCTOR----Yes.
HARRY------Well, excuse me for saying so, Doctor, but that's the funniest looking dog I've seen.
ALISTAIR----Where's the doggie, daddy?
DOCTOR----Hello. who are you? Aren't you going to talk to me then?
HARRY------This is my son. I've told him not to talk to strange people.
DOCTOR----I'm not all that strange.
LEELA-------If you say so, Doctor.
DOCTOR----So, he's your son? What's his name?
HARRY------Alistair Robert Steven Sullivan.
DOCTOR----Alisatir Robert Steven Sullivan, eh? Why, that nearly spells ar..... Alistair?
HARRY------After the Brigadier.
DOCTOR----Oh. What does he think about it?
HARRY------He doesn't know.
DOCTOR----Oh?
HARRY------We haven't seen each other since before my marriage. Lost touch. You know how it is.
DOCTOR----Oh, I do, I do. Ha!
HARRY------What?
DOCTOR----I thought you'd fallen out with him. He's not an easy man to tolerate.
HARRY------You never seemed to have any problems there, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Oh, there were times during my exile I wished I could just get in the Tardis and get away from him. So, you're married.
HARRY------Well, naturally since we have our little Alistair here.
DOCTOR----Quite. Anyone I know?
ALISTAIR----Where's the doggie, daddy?
HARRY------Shh, Alistair. No, Doctor.
DOCTOR----I thought you and Sarah might.....
HARRY------Oh, come now, Doctor. She was all right, I suppose-
DOCTOR----But not your type, eh?
HARRY------No, Doctor. Not my type at all.
ALISTAIR----I want to see the doggie, daddy!
DOCTOR----Here's the doggie, young Alistair.
HARRY------I do apologise for his behaviour, Doctor. He can be quite obnoxious at times.
DOCTOR----Just like his namesake!
ALISTAIR----That's not a doggie.
LEELA-------K9 is a computer.
ALISTAIR----Does he bark?
K9------------No, I do not.
ALISTAIR----The doggie talked!
HARRY------Don't be silly, Alistair. You know doggies don't talk.
LEELA-------This one does, don't you, K9?
K9------------Affirmative, mistress.
DOCTOR----Isn't he great?
HARRY------Unusual, Doctor. Did you make him? Her? It?
DOCTOR----No. And we generally refer to K9 as him.
ALISTAIR----(laughs) I want you to bark.
K9------------This unit does not bark.
DOCTOR----Oh, go on, K9. Just this once, eh? Woof, woof.
K9------------I was not designed to be a real dog. I will not bark.

Alistair suddenly burst into tears, crying very loudly. People began to stare.

DOCTOR----Now look what you've done.
LEELA-------It is not K9's fault. He does not bark. He said so himself.
DOCTOR----Well, he could've tried just this once!
LEELA-------Please do not shout, Doctor.
DOCTOR----I'm sorry. K9, don't you want young Alistair he to stop crying, hmm?
K9------------Affirmative, master. The noise is disrupting my sensors.
DOCTOR----Then will you bark? Hmm?
K9------------Affirmative, master. But only this one time. (coughs) Woof, woof. Bark, bark.
ALISTAIR----(laughs) He barked! He barked! Daddy, the doggie barked!
DOCTOR----Well done, K9.
HARRY------Thank heavens for that.
DOCTOR----Yes, well, I suppose we really ought to get back to the Tardis before anything else happens.
HARRY------So soon?
DOCTOR----I'm afraid so.
HARRY------I'll walk with you. It'll be good to see your Tardis again after so long.
DOCTOR----Right. Come on, Leela. Walkies, K9.
HARRY------So, Doctor. Where to next?
DOCTOR----Oh, you know. Here and there, round and about.
HARRY------Yes, Doctor, I know. Nowhere particular in mind?
DOCTOR----Not really. The universe is a big place.
HARRY------A big place to get lost in, certainly.
DOCTOR----Or hijacked by Time Lords, eh?
HARRY------How can I forget (?)
DOCTOR----Well, here we are.
HARRY------Still looks the same.
DOCTOR----Well, of course she still looks the same.
HARRY------You know, Doctor, I know it's awfully silly, but for a while after I left, every time I saw a battered old police box, I half expected you to pop out of it.
DOCTOR----Well, I do have the habit of turning up unexpectedly.
HARRY------Still, it was fun while it lasted.
DOCTOR----Travel broadens the mind, Harry.
HARRY------Well, it certainly did with me, Doctor.

The Doctor unlocked and opened the door.

DOCTOR----Leela, why don't you take K9 inside?
LEELA-------All right, Doctor. Will you be long?
DOCTOR----I shouldn't think so.
LEELA-------Goodbye.
HARRY------Goodbye Miss, er....
LEELA-------Leela.
HARRY------Goodbye, Miss Leela.
ALISTAIR----Bye bye, miss.
LEELA-------Bye, little boy.
ALISTAIR----Bye bye, doggie.
K9------------Goodbye.

Alistair giggled as Leela pulled K9 into the Tardis.

DOCTOR----Like to have a look at the old place, harry?
HARRY------Er, no thank you, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Not even for old times' sake?
HARRY------Er, it's tempting, but no. Thanks all the same.
DOCTOR----So, I suppose a quickie's out of the question.
HARRY------I beg your pardon? "A quickie"?
DOCTOR----Trip round the universe.
HARRY------(relieved) Oh.
DOCTOR----Why? What did you think I meant?
HARRY------It doesn't matter. No, thank you.
DOCTOR----Oh well, never mind. Another time then.
HARRY------Yes. Perhaps when I haven't got Alistair with me.
ALISTAIR----Can I have a look, daddy?
HARRY------Not this time, Alistair.
ALISTAIR----Why not?
HARRY------Because I say so.

Alistair blew a raspberry then when the Doctor and Harry started talking again, ran inside, past Leela and disappeared down the corridor.

DOCTOR----Hey! Leela, where did he go?
LEELA-------Down there, Doctor.
HARRY------That little.... I'm really sorry about this, Doctor.
DOCTOR----That's all right, Harry. That's all right. We've got to find him.
LEELA-------Do you have any idea where he could be, Doctor?
DOCTOR----He could be absolutely anywhere.
HARRY------What are we going to do, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Find him, of course!
HARRY------Sorry, Doctor.
DOCTOR----No. I shouldn't have shouted.
HARRY------Helen will kill me when she finds out about this.
DOCTOR----Your wife?
HARRY------Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Well, I shouldn't worry about if if I were you. To her, it'll probably be tales from a child's imagination.
HARRY------Of course, you're right.
DOCTOR----Unless she knows you-
HARRY------No.
DOCTOR----Good. Right then, first thing we do is close the doors.
LEELA-------But won't that mean the little boy can't get out?
DOCTOR----Exactly. Don't want him hiding in the park somewhere, do we?
LEELA-------Don't we?
DOCTOR----No, we don't. Right, that's the doors closed. Now, K9, can you pick up a trace on him?
K9------------Affirmative, master.
DOCTOR----Right then, be a good sniffer dog and lead on.

So, off they set down corridor after corridor. They'd been walking about 15 minutes when they heard the familiar sound of dematerialistion.

DOCTOR----Oh, no!

They raced back to the console room. The Doctor skidded when he reached The door.

DOCTOR----Don't touch that switch!


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 2

The Tardis lurched violently, throwing them all to the floor. The Doctor crawled to the console, pulled himself onto his knees and stabilised her.

DOCTOR----Like father, like son. I was right. HARRY SULLIVAN IS AN IMBECILE!
HARRY------Are you feeling all right, Doctor?
DOCTOR----You can tell he's related to you, Harry.
HARRY------Oh? How?
DOCTOR----Because who else in the universe would produce a child who would do precisely the same thing as his father?!
HARRY------You don't mean....
DOCTOR----I'm afraid I do, Harry. And, knowing what you're like, we'll probably end up smack bang in the middle of a load of Daleks or Cybermen. And all because you had to have a son just like you!
HARRY------Oh, dear.
DOCTOR----"Oh, dear", he says. Harry, if I were you, I'd put your son on a very short lead.
HARRY------He's not normally like this, Doctor.
DOCTOR----No? Well, I'm sure he'll grow into it.
LEELA-------Doctor, do you have any idea where we're going?
DOCTOR----No, but we're going into the future. Forward and forward we go, where and when we'll stop, nobody knows.
HARRY------I say, Doctor. Haven't you got that a bit wrong?
DOCTOR----It's my Tardis and I'll say what I want to.
HARRY------Sorry.
DOCTOR----And how I want to.
HARRY------Fair enough.
DOCTOR----4110. 4111. 4112. 4113. Well, Harry, it looks like you've got your trip for old times' sake, after all.
HARRY------Yes. I'm rather afraid I have.
ALISTAIR----Sorry, daddy.
DOCTOR----And so you should be. Don't touch things you don't understand.

Alistair burst into tears.

DOCTOR----Oh, get him out of here before I get K9 to stun him.
HARRY------All right, Doctor.
DOCTOR----And I want the pair of you to keep out of my sight until I say otherwise. Is that clear?
HARRY------Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Good.

Harry took Alistair away. The Doctor sat on the floor and played with his scarf.

LEELA-------Do you want me to go too, Doctor?
DOCTOR----What? No. I wonder where we're heading?
LEELA-------Do you really not know?
DOCTOR----Of course I don't know!
LEELA-------All right!
DOCTOR----Sorry, Leela. I'm just a bit grumpy at the moment.
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Which is quite understandable under the circumstances.
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor. I think the boy thought he would do no harm.
DOCTOR----(sighs) I expect so. Why don't you go and find out how he is, hmm? Maybe give them both something to eat and drink.
LEELA-------All right, Doctor.

Leela left. The Doctor stretched to see where they were then flopped back down again.

DOCTOR----5173! It's at times like these when I wish the Tardis ran on petrol.

About an hour later, the Tardis materialised. The Doctor's eyes bulged and he gave a toothy grin as Leela, Harry and young Alistair joined him.

LEELA-------Have we arrived?
DOCTOR----Well, the Tardis has stopped moving, so I suppose we must have.
HARRY------Any idea where we are, Doctor?
DOCTOR----And when, Harry. Don't forget that.
HARRY------I'm not very likely to, am I?
DOCTOR----No, and no.
HARRY------And what's that supposed to mean?
DOCTOR----No, you're not likely to forget it and no, I don't know where or when we are.
LEELA-------Why is that, Doctor? Has something gone wrong?
DOCTOR----Not that I know of. But, with a child of Harry's you can never be too sure what irreprarable damage has been caused.
HARRY------All right, Doctor.
DOCTOR----What now?
HARRY------You don't have to keep going on about it.
DOCTOR----Do I?
HARRY------Yes!
DOCTOR----Nonsense. I've hardly mentioned it this whole trip.
HARRY------I give up!
DOCTOR----That's the spirit. Now, to answer your question Leela, I don't know because I haven't looked yet.
LEELA-------But, why not?
DOCTOR----Because Harry's so determined to argue about practically nothing, I haven't had a moment to myself.
HARRY------I argue?!
DOCTOR----See, what did I say? Now, if Harry will be quiet for at least ten seconds, I can check and tell you.

Harry stopped himself from hurling a load of abuse at the Time Lord as the Doctor pulled himself to his feet and checked the readings.

LEELA-------Well?
DOCTOR----Very, thank you.
LEELA-------Doctor!
DOCTOR----Well, we're still on Earth and the co-ordinates are the same as those for the park.
HARRY------That's a relief. You had me worried there for a while, Doctor.
DOCTOR----You've every reason to be worried, Harry.
HARRY------Oh? Why?
DOCTOR----Because we're no in the year 9997 - 8 thousand years into your future.
HARRY------Oh, crikey!
DOCTOR----Not bad for a first effort at tampering, wouldn't you say? Not quite as good as yours mind, but close enough.
HARRY------Practice makes perfect, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Not in my Tardis, it won't. Look at the scanner. Erm, Leela?
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR----I think, before we venture out into the big, wide, Harry's future world, you ought to change into something more suitable.
LEELA-------What should I wear?
DOCTOR----Something like that, should suffice. Not exactly the same mind you. I don't think the Tardis has that exact Paris cut-off. But something similar.
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor (leaves).
DOCTOR----And not Janis thorns hidden in the pockets, understand? Hmm, no answer.
HARRY------She probably didn't hear you.
DOCTOR----More likely she's sulking.
HARRY------Excuse me for asking, Doctor, but what exactly are Janis thorns?
DOCTOR----A weapon of Leela's tribe. You'd do better to keep on the right side of her. Don't give her an excuse to use any, or that knife of hers. If I've told her once, I've told her an infinity of times, but she won't listen. Oh, for the days of Sarah Jane. No. Come to think of it, she went her own sweet way too. Girl companions!
LEELA-------Will this do, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Hmm? Sorry, I was thinking. Yes. Yes, that's fine. Any Janis thorns?
LEELA-------Would I?
DOCTOR----Yes.
LEELA-------Well, I have none.
DOCTOR----Good. Shall we go? Not you, K9.
K9------------Master?
DOCTOR----I want you to guard the Tardis and be ready in case I need you, okay?
K9------------Master.
DOCTOR----(opens door) Right then, let's go.
LEELA-------Erm, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes, Leela?
LEELA-------What is this I am wearing?
DOCTOR----It's called a boiler suit or overall.
LEELA-------It is not comfortable.
DOCTOR----You'll get used to it. (locks door) Right, which way now?
HARRY------It doesn't look much like the park to me. Where's the grass, plants, trees?
DOCTOR----It's called progress, Harry. Now, the pond was this way. Come on.

The Doctor started going left, stopped, stuck his finger in the air then pointed in the opposite direction. The others dutily followed. Suddenly, from nowhere, a group of children, no more than ten years old, appeared in front of them waving guns about.

CLADEK-----Stop!
DOCTOR----Hello, little boy. What's going on here then, hmm? Cowboys and Indians, is it?
CLADEK-----Be silent, grownult.
DOCTOR----"Grownult"? What's that then?
CLADEK-----You know because you're one of them.
DOCTOR----I most certainly am not, you know!
CLADEK-----Silent or you will be killed.
HARRY------Oh no, not again.
CLADEK-----You will come with us. Graham will want to see you.
DOCTOR----Graham? Who's Graham?
CLADEK-----He commands this world.
DOCTOR----Oh, I should very much like to meet him. Well, lead on. Take us to your leader.

They were taken down dirty street after dirty street for what seemed like hours.

DOCTOR----Oh, look. Saint Paul's. Wonder what happened to that?
CLADEK-----It is Graham's palace.
DOCTOR----Is it, now? Have either of you two noticed something odd about this place?
HARRY------No. Except it's not the Britain I know.
DOCTOR----Leela, how about you?
LEELA-------There are no people.
HARRY------Of course there are people. What do you think these children are?
LEELA-------But that is all there are. There are no grown-ups. Adults.
DOCTOR----Exactly. Now, I wonder where they all are, hmm? Grownults?
HARRY------What's that you say, Doctor?
DOCTOR----That boy called me a grownult.
HARRY------So?
DOCTOR----Don't you see? Grown-up and adult. The words are combined.
HARRY------I see.
DOCTOR----And it's obvious they don't like grown-ups around here. Ah, we seem to have arrived.
HARRY------Now we can get some answers.
DOCTOR----You're learning, Harry. Travelling with me was useful, after all.

They were taken inside and saw three young boys at the other end of the aisle.

CLADEK-----You wait here.
DOCTOR----Wouldn't dream of leaving.

Cladek walked down towards the boys. The Doctor, Leela and Harry were all silent, listening to what was being said.

GRAHAM----I want my Davros model back.
RAYMOND---I haven't finished with it yet.
GRAHAM----You've had it longer that I have!
RAYMOND---I've been busy.
GRAHAM----Yeah, drawing again I suppose. Are you going to use the disccam to film it and put sound effects on it, or what?
RAYMOND---When I have a minute.
GRAHAM----That's not good enough! Go and do it now. I want it in one hour. Is that understood, Raymond?
RAYMOND---Yes.
GRAHAM----Well, get on with it then! Now, Scott. Have you been messing about with my Cyberman head again?
SCOTT-------No, Graham. It was nae me.
GRAHAM----It better not have been.
SCOTT-------You can trust me.
GRAHAM----I'd rather trust Weng-Chiang! It's a good job you're my deputy. You'd never make a leader.
SCOTT-------I wouldn't want to be one.
GRAHAM----Good, cos you're not. But I am. Yes?
CLADEK-----We found some grownults wandering the streets, leader.
GRAHAM----That's impossible!
CLADEK-----And a young boy who was with them.
GRAHAM----That's even more impossible!
CLADEK-----But true, sir. He is not of this place.
GRAHAM----An alien?
CLADEK-----I assume so, but he looks humanoid.
GRAHAM----Oh, great! I've never met a humanoid alien before. Bring them over.
CLADEK-----Leader!

-------------------------------

DOCTOR----Reminds me of a parallel universe I went to once. Wonder what happened to the adults?
LEELA-------Perhaps they were put to death.
DOCTOR----What? Nonsense. These children will be grown-up soon.
HARRY------I say, Doctor. Have you noticed how they all look alike apart from the three we saw at the other end?
DOCTOR----Shades of, "The Midwich Cuckoos", eh?
HARRY------Real life, "Village of the Damned".
DOCTOR----Hmm. Looks like we've got company again. Hello.
CLADEK-----Our leader will see you now.
DOCTOR----And about time too. Come on.
CLADEK-----The strangers, sir.
GRAHAM----Ah, yes. And a child. Who are you?
DOCTOR----Well, I'm the Doctor, this is Leela and Harry.
GRAHAM----And the child?
HARRY------My son, Alistair.
GRAHAM----I see. You're not from round here, are you?
DOCTOR----Well, Harry and his son are natives of this planet, but they come from eight thousand years ago.
GRAHAM----Don't be ridiculous.
DOCTOR----I'm not being. I assure you, it's the truth.
HARRY------He's right.
GRAHAM----And how come you're here, then?
DOCTOR----We travelled through time.
GRAHAM----D'ye really expect me to swallow that?
DOCTOR----It is the truth.
GRAHAM----Time travel is only fiction. Now, I want the truth or I'll blast you with my Cyber gun.
DOCTOR----Yes, I noticed you had one. May I ask where you got it?
GRAHAM----You may not. Ladek, take the grownults to the others.
HARRY------What about Alistair?
GRAHAM----He stays here.
HARRY------Now, wait a minute-
GRAHAM----Silence! Cladek, get them out of my sight. I want to read my comics then have a play, so I don't want to be disturbed until I say so.
CLADEK-----Yes, leader. Move you lot.
HARRY------Here we go again.
DOCTOR----You took the words right out of my mouth.
GRAHAM----I wonder if Raymond's finished with my Davros model yet?


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 3

The Doctor, Leela and Harry were taken to what was left of Buckingham Palace where they were shown into a room.

DOCTOR----Now, what?
CLADEK-----You will stay here until our leader decides what to do with you.
DOCTOR----Perhaps.
CLADEK-----You will!
DOCTOR----If you say so.

Cladek closed and locked the door.

DOCTOR----But it's what I say that counts.
LEELA-------Now what do we do, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Find some other adults and try and find out what's going on here.
HARRY------What about Alistair?
DOCTOR----Don't worry. I'm sure Graham'll look after him.
HARRY------That's what I'm afraid of.
DOCTOR----Harry, when are you going to learn to trust me? Now, let's get this door open.
LEELA-------Your screwdriver?
DOCTOR----For some. But it's also got keyholes so it will take some time.

The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver and a hairgrip out of his pocket and set to work.

Meanwhile, back at St. Paul's...

GRAHAM----So, what's your name?
ALISTAIR----Alistair.
GRAHAM----Alistair, what?
ALISTAIR----Alistair Robert Steven Sullivan.
GRAHAM----Really (giggles)? Do you know what word's made up when you put your initials together?
ALISTAIR----No. What?
GRAHAM----ARSS. Are ye one?
ALISTAIR----One what?
GRAHAM----An arse of course.
ALISTAIR----I don't know what an arse is.
GRAHAM----You must've had a sheltered upbringing. How old are you?
ALISTAIR----Eight and a half.
GRAHAM----Really? Well, I'm nine so you need educating and quickly. Come over here and play with me.
ALISTAIR----You really want me to?
GRAHAM----I wouldn't have asked you, would I? I'm bored playing with myself all the time. It gets a bit boring after a while.
ALISTAIR----Okay then.
GRAHAM----Good, and while we're playing with each other, I'll teach you a thing about life, the universe and everything.

--------------------------------

DOCTOR----Done it!
HARRY------Right, now we can find Alistair.
DOCTOR----Not yet, Harry, I've already told you. Huh, and people accuse me of never listening to a word they say.
HARRY------I'm sorry, Doctor. All I can think about is saving Alistair.
DOCTOR----From what?
HARRY------Erm, well, er...
DOCTOR----Precisely.
LEELA-------I am sure your boy will be fine, Harry.
DOCTOR----Of course he will. Graham's probably got him playing with him as we speak, and he's probably enjoying himself too.
HARRY------You could be right, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Aren't I always?

Harry and Leela looked at each other but didn't respond.

HARRY------So, where to now, Doctor?
LEELA-------Back to the Tardis?
DOCTOR----Not until we've found out what's going on here. Where's your sense of adventure?
HARRY------Well, I don't know about Miss Leela, but I left mine at Tullock Moor.
DOCTOR----I'm sure it'll return by the time we get back to your time, Harry. Right, it's clear. Let's go.
LEELA-------But where are we going, Doctor?
DOCTOR----To see what's behind these doors, of course.

------------------------------------

GRAHAM----How would you like to stay here and be my general?
ALISTAIR----You mean, never go back?
GRAHAM----There's not much chance of you going back anyway, not with the three grownults you came with safely locked up. So, do you want to control my army, or not?
ALISTAIR----Yeah. It'd be great.
CLADEK-----Excuse me, sir.
GRAHAM----What now, Cladek? Can't you see I'm busy?
CLADEK-----I do apologise, sir, but the new arrivals have escaped from their room.
GRAHAM----Ye great pillock! Didn't ye lock the door?
CLADEK-----I did, sir. But somehow they managed to unlock it again.
GRAHAM----Where are they now?
CLADEK-----Still in the building, sir.
GRAHAM----Doing what?
CLADEK-----Well, from what we heard over the vidcams, trying to open the other doors.
GRAHAM----To do what?
CLADEK-----Presumably, they want to find the other grownults.
GRAHAM----They must not be allowed to talk to any of them! Get them and bring them to me at once, do ye hear?
CLADEK-----I'll do my best, sir.
GRAHAM----Wait! On second thoughts. Alistair?
ALISTAIR----Yes, Graham?
GRAHAM----As you're now my general, why don't you lead the men and capture the strangers?
ALISTAIR----You mean, daddy and his friends?
GRAHAM----Yes. Use force if necessary.
ALISTAIR----I don't want to hurt them. I love my daddy.
GRAHAM----Alistair, from the moment you agreed to be my general, he stopped being your daddy. He is a grownult which is the enemy here. We are in charge and they do as they're told. There is no escape for you or the strangers. So, if you intend to be my general, you must lay down the law.
ALISTAIR----I understand and I will take my men to recapture the grownults.
GRAHAM----Excellent! And use force if necessary.
ALISTAIR----I will.
GRAHAM----That's my boy. Now, where did I put that Cyber gun?

------------------------------

DOCTOR----Got it!
HARRY------Well, don't give it to me.
DOCTOR----What?
HARRY------It was a joke. You know, to ease the tension.
DOCTOR----Oh. Come on.

They went into the room and saw a man and woman on the bed eating cold porridge, with a glass of water each. They spotted the strangers and were shocked.

MAN---------Who are you? What do you want?
DOCTOR----It's all right. There's no need to be frightened. I'm the Doctor, this is Leela and my old friend Harry.
WOMAN----Doctor? What is, Doctor? Is that what you're called?
DOCTOR----Not exactly. You wouldn't be able to pronounce my real name. Have you never heard of Doctors?
MAN---------No.
DOCTOR----Oh dear.
HARRY------What sort of place is this, Doctor?
DOCTOR----That's what I intend to find out. Keep watch will you, Leela?
LEELA-------Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR----And try not to kill anyone, eh?
LEELA-------They are only children!
WOMAN----But cruel, nasty children.
HARRY------What happened to make them like that? And why are you locked up like this?
DOCTOR----Thank you, Harry (!)
HARRY------Sorry.
MAN---------We are slaves in this world, Doctor, because of the children.
DOCTOR----To do what?
WOMAN----What do you think?
HARRY------Breeding?
MAN---------That's right. Any woman too old is executed and every man who loses his libido too.
WOMAN----As well as gays.
HARRY------That's terrible!
MAN---------But true.
DOCTOR----And where does this Graham fit into all this?
WOMAN----He's behind it.
DOCTOR----I know that, but when did this all start?
WOMAN----Oh, I see.
DOCTOR----What happened?
MAN---------We're not quite sure. One minute, everything was as it should be and the next, Graham and his friends arrived from nowhere and completely took over.
DOCTOR----Did you say, he came from nowhere?
MAN---------That's right. No one had ever seen any of them before.
DOCTOR----I think I'm beginning to understand now.
HARRY------Well, I wish you'd tell us.
DOCTOR----I think that-
LEELA-------The children, Doctor!
DOCTOR----Where?
LEELA-------Coming this way and being led by-
HARRY------Alistair!
ALISTAIR----You have no right to be out of your room. You will be punished for this.
HARRY------Alistair, what's got into you?
ALISTAIR----I'm only doing my job. Now, out!
DOCTOR----Back behind a locked door again, I suppose.
ALISTAIR----You suppose wrong. Graham wants to deal with you personally.
DOCTOR----I bet he does (!)
ALISTAIR----Now, get a move on or I'll blast you.
HARRY------Oh, Alistair.


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 4

So, back they went to St. Paul's where Graham was playing with his Cyber gun.

GRAHAM----Ah, got you, did they? Well done, general.
ALISTAIR----Pleasure, sir.
GRAHAM----I think promotion is called for. Normally, you'd be a field-marshall. But, since there's no fields, you'll be concrete-marshall.
ALISTAIR----Thank you, sir.
GRAHAM----Bring the scum forward.
ALISTAIR----Sir! Right, you heard what the leader said. Move!
DOCTOR----At least he's not a brigadier. We all know what they're like, eh, Harry?
ALISTAIR----Shut your gobs!
GRAHAM----You can have a rest now. You've earned it.
ALISTAIR----Thank you, sir.
GRAHAM----There's some toys in the corner. Games, cars, trains, Action Man. Enjoy yourselves.
ALISTAIR----Thank you very much, sir. Right you lot, you heard the leader. Playtime.

All the boys cheered and ran to the corner where they argued over the Action Man.

GRAHAM----Can't you lot play quietly?
ALISTAIR----Sorry, sir.
GRAHAM----That's better. Now, how did you escape?
DOCTOR----We picked the lock. I have the touch, you know.
GRAHAM----I don't care if you're touched or touched up. You had no right to leave and go wandering around.
DOCTOR----Whatever happened to freedom?
GRAHAM----It's all locked up, which is where you should be.
DOCTOR----Would you have given your permission if we'd asked to have a look around?
GRAHAM----No.
DOCTOR----Thought not.
GRAHAM----So, you took it upon yourself to disobey orders.
DOCTOR----And you took it upon yourself to commit murder!
GRAHAM----I'm in charge. It's what good leaders do.
DOCTOR----Mad dictators, more like.
GRAHAM----Watch it, Doctor, or I'll blast you with my Cyber gun.
DOCTOR----So you said earlier today. But you didn't do it then and you won't do it now.
GRAHAM----Don't be too sure, Doctor. I rule Earth and it's great. I can do exactly what I want with no grownults ordering me about.
DOCTOR----So, you order everyone else about instead.
GRAHAM----Of course, otherwise I wouldn't be leader. I have the power to do absolutely anything. From demanding a comic to slaughtering sagging old gits who are no use to anyone.
DOCTOR----Except their families.
GRAHAM----Poo! They're just as glad to see the back of them as we are. Soon my power will stretch throughout the universe and beyond. Every lifeform will praise the name of Graham Donaldson!
DOCTOR----Oh, grow up! You're just a child who's read too many comics and watched too much television, playing adult games. You're living in a fantasy world.
GRAHAM----Oh, no I'm not!
DOCTOR----Oh, yes you are!
GRAHAM----Oh, no I'm not!
DOCTOR----Oh, yes you are! You're no more hard than a bowl of custard. You're yellow like it, but not hard.
GRAHAM----I am not!
DOCTOR----Oh, yes you are, and I can prove it.
GRAHAM----Oh, no you can't.
DOCTOR----Yes, I can.
GRAHAM----Can't!
DOCTOR----Can! And stop sulking. Megalomaniacs rise above disagreements.
GRAHAM----All right.
DOCTOR----You want me to prove it to you?
GRAHAM----No. To yourself. I'll show you who's a custard.
DOCTOR----Come here then.
GRAHAM----No.
DOCTOR----Why not?
GRAHAM----Don't want to.
DOCTOR----Scared?
GRAHAM----Don't be stupid. I'm the leader. Menials come to me.
DOCTOR----We'll see who's the menial. So, you want me to go to you?
GRAHAM----I just said so, didn't I?
DOCTOR----Right then (goes to him). Are you ready?
GRAHAM----Get on with it!
DOCTOR----May I sit down?
GRAHAM----Whatever.
DOCTOR----Right.

The Doctor sat on a step, quickly grabbed Graham's arm and pulled him over his knees where he spanked him. After a little while, Graham burst into tears.

DOCTOR----Had enough?
GRAHAM----Yes!

The Doctor stopped and let him up.

DOCTOR----Told you.
GRAHAM----All right! Don't go on about it.
DOCTOR----Are you okay?
GRAHAM----I want my mummy.
DOCTOR----To do what?
GRAHAM----I want mummy to give me a cuddle.
DOCTOR----And where is mummy?
GRAHAM----A long way away.
DOCTOR----In years?
GRAHAM----Yes. 1979.
DOCTOR----That is a long way away. Still, that's no problem.
GRAHAM----What do you mean?
DOCTOR----I can take you and your friends back home.
GRAHAM----Can you really?
DOCTOR----Yes. But on one condition.
GRAHAM----Anything.
DOCTOR----You stop this nonsense, release all those people and let them go back to their normal lives.
GRAHAM----I'll do anything to see my mummy and daddy again.
DOCTOR----Good. Now, wipe your eyes and get on with it.

Later, in the Tardis.

DOCTOR----There we are. We're on our way to 1979.
HARRY------We hope.
DOCTOR----As long as neither you or your trigger-happy son touch anything, we'll get there.
HARRY------All right, Doctor. I get the message.
DOCTOR----Good. So, how on earth did you three arrive in 9997?
SCOTT-------We've got no idea. We were on our way to the library when we took a road we'd never been down before, and ended up there.
HARRY------"Goodnight Sweetheart".
DOCTOR----What was that, Harry?
HARRY------It's the name of a television comedy. Proper little Gary Sparrows, they are.
DOCTOR----If you say so.
RAYMOND---It will be all right now, won't it, Doctor?
DOCTOR----It should be, providing you avoid that road.
GRAHAM----We will, won't we?
SCOTT-------Too right.
RAYMOND---I don't fancy going through that again.
GRAHAM----What's that noise?
DOCTOR----It means we've arrived. Now, if you give me your addresses, I can get you home.
GRAHAM----Are we really back in 1979?
DOCTOR----Yes.
GRAHAM----Well, we can walk home, Doctor.
DOCTOR----(turns on scanner) But it's dark outside. You might get lost.
HARRY------Or go down that street again.
GRAHAM----All right then.

About half an hour later, the Doctor returned, closed the doors and set a course for 1997.

LEELA-------Are they all right, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes. They're all tucked up in bed now. Wish it had been light. I haven't been to Scotland since-
HARRY------The Zygon business?
DOCTOR----Possibly. It's hard to keep track of time with time travel.
HARRY------What did you do to them?
DOCTOR----On, nothing much. Just a little light hypnosis to help them forget and to make sure they avoid that road.
LEELA-------What about Alistair? He's very quiet.
HARRY-------I'm not surprised.
DOCTOR----I've already hypnotised him against violence.
HARRY------When?
DOCTOR----Oh, a little while ago. Ah, we're back.
HARRY------Not 9997 again!
DOCTOR----Don't jump to conclusions.
HARRY------Sorry.
DOCTOR----We're back in the park in 1997.
HARRY------When?
DOCTOR----1997.
HARRY------I meant, before we met again or after?
DOCTOR----Oh, after.
HARRY------Oh dear.
DOCTOR----But only by an hour or two.
HARRY------Oh, good.

The Doctor opened the doors and walked towards them.
DOCTOR----This time I'll stay on the inside.

HARRY------Right. Well, goodbye again, Doctor, Miss Leela, K9.
DOCTOR----Goodbye Harry.
LEELA-------Goodbye Harry.
DOCTOR----Silent, K9?
K9------------Master?
HARRY------It doesn't matter.
DOCTOR----He's not usually rude like that.
HARRY------Perhaps Alistair made him cross.
DOCTOR----That is more than likely.
HARRY------It was nice seeing you, Doctor. Will I see you again?
DOCTOR----Well, you never know. I can make house calls. Do you have a low ceiling?
HARRY------Bungalow, actually.
DOCTOR----Pretty low then.
HARRY------Come along, Alistair. Aren't you going to say goodbye?
ALISTAIR----Goodbye.
DOCTOR----Goodbye, old chap. Look after yourself.
LEELA-------Goodbye.
K9------------Bark, bark.
ALISTAIR----(laughs) Bye bye, K9. Woof, woof.

The Doctor and Leela waved as Harry and Alistair disappeared into the distance. The Doctor closed the doors and the Tardis dematerialised.

DOCTOR----You're a bit of a dark horse on the quiet, K9.
K9------------I am not a horse.
DOCTOR----Never mind.
LEELA-------Where to now, Doctor?
DOCTOR----I don't know. Just don't touch anything. Now, how about a game of snakes and ladders?

-----------------------------------

GRAHAM----Mummy! Daddy! You'll never guess what I dreamed about last night.....


The End

Patsy