Hubble Bubble Double Trouble

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 1

Deep in the great array of stars and planets known as the cosmos, a tall blue mysterious craft known as the Tardis, headed away from the planet Gallifrey and the entire constellation of Kasterborous. Inside were two occupants in a white room around a hexagonal mushroom in the centre. The man was tall with blond, curly hair wearing an awful multi-coloured coat, and the girl was shorter with dark, shoulder-length hair in shorts and a shirt, and spoke with an American accent.

DOCTOR----Oh, don't be so ridiculous, Peri.
PERI---------I'm not, Doctor. That commander Maxil was the spitting image of you.
DOCTOR----I am unique, Peri. There's no one in the entire universe who could look like me.
PERI---------But he did, Doctor. Granted, I expect he wouldn't be seen dead in that coat, but the likeness was uncanny.
DOCTOR----Never mind the remarks about my exquisite good taste, young lady.
PERI---------Doctor, if I hadn't been with you, I'd have sworn you were him. He also sounded like you.
DOCTOR----Did you talk to him?
PERI---------No.
DOCTOR----Ah!
PERI---------But I heard him.
DOCTOR----Peri, I'm sure you're sure what you think you saw, but I assure you, there is no resemblance.
PERI---------Don't patronise me, Doctor. I know what I saw, so there!
DOCTOR----So there!
PERI---------I give up!
DOCTOR----Good.
PERI---------But don't tell me I didn't warn you when he tries to blow your fat head off.
DOCTOR----There's no chance of that.
PERI---------What makes you so sure?
DOCTOR----Because I met Maxil when I looked like I did when we met. He may be a bit trigger-happy and would have enjoyed nothing better than bumping me off, but he won't leave the Capitol. Not even to get me.
PERI---------If you say so, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Now who's being patronising?
PERI---------All right, Doctor, you win.
DOCTOR----Good.
PERI---------So, where to now? If you have any idea, that is.
DOCTOR----Of course I have an idea. Cheek! We're going to Blackpool, of course.
PERI---------So you've said, several times before.
DOCTOR----So?
PERI---------So, we still haven't managed to get there.
DOCTOR----You can't blame me, or the Tardis, for the Master and Black Guardian's interference.
PERI---------I know. Sorry.
DOCTOR----So you should be. Now, the co-ordinates for Blackpool are set, so we can just sit back and wait.
PERI---------You're very confident we'll get there this time.
DOCTOR----I have every reason to be. Nothing can possibly go wrong again.
PERI---------If you say so, Doctor.
DOCTOR----I do.

Suddenly the Tardis was hit, sending them both crashing to the floor.

PERI---------What was that you were saying about nothing going wrong?
DOCTOR----How was I to know we'd get shot at?
PERI---------I should know by now never to believe anything you say.
DOCTOR----You don't have much faith in me, do you, Peri?
PERI---------I used to have.

The Tardis was hit again.

PERI---------Where's it coming from?
DOCTOR----How would I know?
PERI---------You would if you turned on the scanner.
DOCTOR----I think I'll turn on the scanner.
PERI---------Now, why didn't I think of that (?)
DOCTOR----Because of your limited brain capacity (turns on scanner).
PERI---------We're going to crash into that ship!
DOCTOR----Not if I can materialise aboard it, we won't. Trust me, Peri.
PERI---------Oh, brother!

Meanwhile, aboard the other ship, it was chaos.

BLAKE------Is that force wall up?
AVON-------Of course it is.
VILA---------Well, it doesn't feel like it.
AVON-------If it wasn't, we'd all be smashed to pieces and neither of you would be here to complain.
VILA---------Neither would you, which makes a lovely thought.
BLAKE------There it is. Get ready to fire, Vila.
VILA---------What was that noise?
BLAKE------Probably nothing. Ready?
VILA---------It sounded like that thing of the Doctor's.
AVON-------Don't be so ridiculous, Vila.
VILA---------Maybe if it is, he's the first one and Leela's with him. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Avon?
BLAKE------Vila!
VILA---------Sorry.
BLAKE------Ready to fire, now?
VILA---------Yes.
BLAKE------Right.... Now!
VILA---------We got it!
DOCTOR----My word. You certainly have. It looks like you've just winged it, so whovever it was, will probably crash.
VILA & AVON---Bayban!
DOCTOR----Who?
AVON-------It can't be. He blew himself up.
VILA---------Obviously he only cremated his clothes.
DOCTOR----Oh, you like the coat, do you? See, Peri, my good friends here have good taste too.
BLAKE------Excuse me, but have we met?
DOCTOR----Don't you remember me, Blake?
BLAKE------Should I?
DOCTOR----Well, no, I suppose not. My appearance has changed considerably since we last met. I'm the Doctor and this is my friend, Peri.
BLAKE------I should have known.
VILA---------I told you I heard the Doctor's box.
AVON-------Yes, you did. All the same, I wouldn't trust him, Blake.
BLAKE------Why not?
DOCTOR----Yes. Why not?
AVON-------Because he could be Bayban in disguise.
DOCTOR----I assure you, I am not this, Bayban, whoever he is.
VILA---------A pig. No. A swine. And completely off his rocker.
PERI---------That description fits you perfectly, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Thank you, Peri. So, this Bayban looks like me, does he?
VILA---------He most certainly does. Horrible, evil man is that Bayban the butcher.
DOCTOR----I see. Well, I'm certainly not horrible or evil, Vila.
PERI---------That is a matter of opinion.
DOCTOR----Thank you again, Peri.
PERI---------Er, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Yes?
PERI---------Do you believe them about this Bayban looking like you?
DOCTOR----Of course. He does look like me you say, Vila?
VILA---------Spitting image, Doctor.
AVON-------You've just accepted the fact he's who he claims to be?
VILA---------Of course.
AVON-------And what makes you so sure?
VILA---------He's got a girl with him.
AVON-------So did Bayban, if you remember.
VILA---------Oh, yes. (smiles) Kerril. I wonder what she's doing now?
AVON-------Probably trying to remove all traces of you from her skin.
VILA---------That's not a very nice thing to say, Avon. Just because you can't get your leg over, don't take it out on me because I did.
AVON-------Oh, shut up, Vila!
VILA---------I probably would've managed it with Leela too, if I'd had the chance.
AVON-------I thought I told you to shut up.
VILA---------Keep hold of your thoughts, Avon. They're the only pleasure you'll ever get.
AVON-------Maybe you're right.
VILA---------Told you.
AVON-------I'm having some wonderful thoughts.
VILA---------What are you looking at me like that for?
AVON-------Wouldn't you like to know?
DOCTOR----What were you saying, Peri?
PERI---------You told me in the Tardis, you were unique. That no one in the universe could look like you.
DOCTOR----We all make mistakes.
PERI---------You do - frequently!
DOCTOR----I'm only a Time Lord, Peri. We're not infallible, you know.
PERI---------Well, you're not. Do you admit that I was right about Maxil, after all?
DOCTOR----Well, since this Bayban appears to be my double, then I suppose Maxil could be my triple.
PERI---------Thank you very much.
ZEN----------Attention.
BLAKE------What is it, Zen?
ZEN----------The unidentified spacecraft has crashed on the planet, Vilaworld.
VILA---------Vilaworld?!
AVON-------What a stupid name. I wonder what idiot called it that.
VILA---------This idiot did.
AVON-------I'm so glad you finally admitted you're an idiot.
VILA---------Oh, shut up, Avon.
AVON-------You don't like it when it's aimed at you, do you?
VILA---------Kerril's down there!
BLAKE------Who's Kerril?
AVON-------A stupid girl who thought Vila was wonderful.
VILA---------I'm warning you, Avon.
BLAKE------Now, calm down. Zen, did the craft hit anything on impact?
ZEN----------It landed on a large building where it exploded several minutes later.
BLAKE------Where are you going, Vila?
VILA---------I've got to get down there.
BLAKE------Why?
VILA---------Kerril could've been in that building. Don't try to stop me, Blake.
BLAKE------I wouldn't dream of it. In fact, I'm coming with you.
AVON-------I'll operate the teleport.
BLAKE------And the Doctor will operate the teleport because Avon will be joining us.
AVON-------You're going to let those two roam around loose?
VILA---------Why not? You do, and no one says a word about that.
AVON-------How do you know you can trust him?
DOCTOR----How do we know we can trust you, Avon?
AVON-------Because, I don't keep changing my face.
VILA---------Pity. I could do with a laugh.
BLAKE------Do you think he'll run off with the ship, or something?
AVON-------Why not? The Federation will pay good money for it, and Orac.
DOCTOR----Then how come you've never sold it to them?
AVON-------Because I can be trusted.
VILA---------Because you want it for yourself.
DOCTOR----Avon, I have my own ship and my own computers, which are far superior to any of this. In fact, I'll go as far as saying the Federation would pay considerably more to get their hands on my Tardis, as would the Daleks, except your only reward would be your extermination. The Liberator and Orac will still be here when you get back, as will the walls, floors and kitchen sink.
VILA---------I'd rather trust him than you. Now, can we go?
BLAKE------I agree.
AVON-------You're a fool, Blake.
BLAKE------So you keep telling me, but I've yet to be proved wrong.
AVON-------Gan.
BLAKE------That was a Federation trick. I didn't know he would be killed. And anyway, if he hadn't, we'd all be dead now.
VILA---------I wish Avon was. Now, come on!
DOCTOR----I've set the co-ordinates, just by the spacecraft.
PERI---------Which means, if there's a volcano, you'll end up right in the centre of it.
DOCTOR----Ready?
BLAKE------Put us down.
PERI---------Good luck.
AVON-------It'll be you who'll need the luck, if you do anything to our ship.
DOCTOR----But if I did, you wouldn't be in a position to do anything about it, Avon.

The Doctor smiled and teleported them down to the surface.

DOCTOR----I hope Avon falls down that hypothetical volcano of yours, Peri.
PERI---------You don't mean that, surely.
BLAKE------<Down and safe.>
DOCTOR----Okay. No volcanoes?
BLAKE------<Doesn't look like it. I'll call in in about ten minutes, okay?>
DOCTOR----We'll be waiting. No volcanoes, Peri. Looks like we won't get any peace, after all.
PERI---------So, what do we do while we're waiting?
DOCTOR----Um, how about a quick game of intergalactic monopoly? You like that.
PERI---------I think I'll explore the ship.
DOCTOR----Your loss.
PERI---------Does it have a name?
DOCTOR----The Liberator. Have fun.
PERI---------I will (walks off).
DOCTOR----And don't get lost!
PERI---------(mumbles) Sometimes I wish you would.


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 2

BLAKE------Well, it seems quiet enough.
VILA---------Too quiet.
AVON-------Look. Part of the craft we hit.
VILA---------Only after it hit us first, second, third, tenth-
BLAKE------All right, Vila. I suggest we keep that so Orac or Zen can analyse it.
AVON-------There's not much left of the building.
BLAKE------Or anyone inside, I should imagine.
VILA---------That's a great comfort (!)

Suddenly, they heard shots and a load of screaming, followed by people running from the building towards them.

VILA---------Looks like you were wrong about the people.
BLAKE------Yes.
VILA---------Wait a minute. Norl! Norl!
NORL--------Vila! What are you doing here?
VILA---------I'm not quite sure. Where's Kerril?
NORL--------Safe. Come. We must get away from here.
BLAKE------What's happening?
NORL--------I will explain shortly. Come. I will take you to Kerril.

------------------------------

DOCTOR----Enjoy yourself?
PERI---------It's almost as big as the Tardis.
DOCTOR----Only a Tardis is as big as that.
PERI---------What's up, Doctor? You seem worried.
DOCTOR----Yes, I am. Blake said he'd call in. You heard him.
PERI---------Hasn't he?
DOCTOR----No.
PERI---------You don't think something's happened to them?
DOCTOR----I most sincerely hope not. Maybe I should go down.
PERI---------Leave it another hour, eh? They could be inside somewhere which prevents them communicating.
DOCTOR----Like a cellar.
PERI---------On a planet like this?
DOCTOR----A planet like what? We don't know the first thing about it.
PERI---------Well, why don't you ask their computer?
DOCTOR----Zen? No. He won't respond to my voice pattern. I could try Orac, I supoose. No. From what I remember, that was a very irritating machine.
PERI---------Why don't you check the Tardis databanks?
DOCTOR----I know, I'll check the Tardis databanks. Back in a tick.

----------------------------

VILA---------Kerril!
KERRIL------Vila!

They ran up to each other and kissed passionately.

AVON-------How revolting.
BLAKE------What is?
AVON-------The thought that someone is willing to kiss Vila.
BLAKE------You're such a romantic at heart, aren't you, Avon (?)
KERRIL------I never thought I'd see you again.
VILA---------Me neither. Are you all right?
KERRIL------I was until that spacecraft crashed.
BLAKE------Yes. What is going on here?
VILA---------This is my friend, Blake. Oh, and that's Avon.
NORL--------Oh, yes, Avon. It is Bayban.
VILA---------Oh, no.
BLAKE------What about him?
NORL--------He was in the craft. He has returned.
AVON-------So, he didn't die.
VILA---------And he's not the Doctor, either.
AVON-------Obviously, since he's aboard the Liberator and Bayban is down here.
BLAKE------But, what does he want, Norl?
NORL--------Revenge.
VILA---------What sort of revenge?
AVON-------The sort that hurts, presumably.
VILA---------You'd like that, wouldn't you?
AVON-------Not particularly, since I presume I'm on his list too.
BLAKE------Please, Norl, tell us about it.
NORL--------As you probably know, Bayban was denied access to this place by Vila here. Apparantly, he has been searching for this planet for some time, hoping to discover Kerril, Vila and myself. In fact, his crash was by an unlucky chance.
VILA---------Unlucky for everyone.
NORL--------He is convinced we three betrayed him. He doesn't really concern himself about you, Avon. But he has sworn you shall die just the same.
AVON-------It's nice to be wanted.
VILA---------Well, I don't want you.
AVON-------Somehow, I didn't think you'd step in front of me and save my life.
VILA---------Would you for me?
AVON--------Probably not.
BLAKE------We've got to get you all away from here.
AVON-------And do what?
BLAKE------Find somewhere else for them, of course. What do you say, Norl?
NORL--------Running is no solution. We cannot run forever.
BLAKE------No one's asking you to.
NORL--------Vilaworld is our home. We have waited many centuries for one, and we do not intend to leave.
VILA---------How about you all go up to our ship - just temporarily like - while we deal with Bayban?
NORL--------You will, "deal" with Bayban?
VILA---------Well, not me personally. Avon is more suited to solo attacks.
AVON-------Probably because I'm not as likely as you to end up dead.
VILA---------I've survived this long.
AVON-------Against all odds.
VILA---------What odds?
AVON-------The odds that it shall be me who kills you.
VILA---------What do you say, Norl?
NORL--------I will talk to my people.
BLAKE------Very well. We'll wait for your answer.
KERRIL------Vila?
VILA---------Yes, Kerril?
KERRIL------I need to talk to you.
VILA---------Yes?
KERRIL------In private.
VILA---------Oh.
BLAKE------Off you go then.
AVON-------And try not to do anything I wouldn't do.
VILA---------Like smile and be nice to people, you mean?
BLAKE------I'd better contact the Liberator.
AVON-------If it's still there.

---------------------------

BLAKE------<Doctor?>
PERI---------Doctor? Doctor, Blake's calling you.
DOCTOR----You answer it, I'm busy.
PERI---------But I don't know which button to press.
DOCTOR----You saw me do it, didn't you?
PERI---------No.
DOCTOR----I thought I'd been telling you all this time to wait, watch and learn.
PERI---------Sorry, Doctor.
BLAKE------<Doctor? Are you there? Doctor?>

-----------------------------

AVON-------What did I tell you?

-----------------------------

PERI---------He sounds like he's getting impatient.
DOCTOR----Oh, all right!
BLAKE------<Doctor!>
DOCTOR----Hello, Blake. I thought you'd forgotten all about me.
BLAKE------As if. Where were you?
DOCTOR----I could ask the same about you. I was finding out about the planet using the Tardis databanks.
BLAKE------<Why didn't you ask Orac?>
DOCTOR----And get my head bitten off?
BLAKE------<I know what you mean. Sorry I didn't call earlier.>
DOCTOR----I presume something happened.
BLAKE------<You presume correctly.>
DOCTOR----Well, I have numerous centuries experience in these things. Is everything all right now?
BLAKE------<Calmer. Look, I have to go. I'll call back when we want to be teleported.>
DOCTOR----Okay. Good luck.
BLAKE------<Thanks.>
DOCTOR----Right, back to the Tardis.

------------------------------

BLAKE------Oh, ye of little faith, Avon.
AVON-------If I was him, I'd have stolen the Liberator.
BLAKE------Then we should count our blessings not everyone's as dishonest as you.

------------------------------

VILA---------What is it, Kerril?
KERRIL------I need to talk to you.
VILA---------So you said.
KERRIL------I have to tell you something important.
VILA---------Oh, what lovely children.
KERRIL------Yes.
VILA---------Are you looking after them?
KERRIL------Not exactly. Vila?
VILA---------How old are they?
KERRIL------Two and a half.
VILA---------Both of them?
KERRIL------Well, they are twins. Vila, will you listen to me?
VILA---------What?
KERRIL------They're my children.
VILA---------I see.
KERRIL------No, I don't think you do. They're ours, Vila. Yours and mine.
VILA---------What? You mean....?
KERRIL------Yes.
VILA---------But we only did it once.
KERRIL------That's all it takes.
VILA---------I'm really their father?
KERRIL------Yes.
VILA---------What are they called?
KERRIL------The little girl is called Nesta, and the boy is called Vila.
VILA---------After me?
KERRIL------Well, of course, after you.
VILA---------So, you've got someone else called Vila to call, "little man", now.
KERRIL------I hadn't thought of it that way before.
VILA---------Oh, Kerril.
KERRIL------Are you pleased?
VILA---------Oh, Kerril.....

Ten minutes later, Vila rushed back to the others, a great big grin on his face.

AVON-------I can guess what he's been doing.
BLAKE------Jealous?
AVON-------Of Vila?
VILA---------Guess what?
AVON-------I think I can.
VILA---------Bet you can't.
BLAKE------What, Vila?
VILA---------I'm a daddy!
AVON-------You aren't serious.
BLAKE------I think he is, Avon.
AVON-------What a horrible thought.
VILA---------What's so horrible about it?
AVON-------The fact that you've bred. One of you is more than enough to cope with, without any offspring.
VILA---------You're just jealous.
AVON-------No, I am not.
VILA---------You probably can't get it up if you tried. And even if you could, you wouldn't know what to do with it.
BLAKE------Congratulations, Vila.
VILA---------Thanks Blake. I knew you'd be happy for us.
AVON-------Us?
VILA---------Me and Kerril. They're such lovely children.
AVON-------Children?
VILA---------That's right.
AVON-------How many?
VILA---------Two. A boy and a girl. Nesta and Vila junior.
AVON-------Two.
VILA---------Yes.
AVON-------Two.
BLAKE------So you've said.
VILA---------I want to get Kerril and the children away from here.
AVON-------What?
VILA---------Well, I'm a family man now. I've got responsibilities.
AVON-------If you were ever responsible, you wouldn't have two children.
VILA---------Yes, two children who I've missed out on seeing the start of their lives, because I was stupid enough to give up Kerril for you.
AVON-------And where do you intend to live?
VILA---------On the Liberator, of course. It's big enough.
BLAKE------Yes, it is.
VILA---------And I want to teach my children all I know.
AVON-------Which should take all of five seconds.
VILA---------Do you want to see them?
BLAKE------Yes.
AVON-------I think I'll wait here for Norl. Well, someone has to. We can't all play nursemaid, you know.
BLAKE------Of course not (!)
VILA---------Come on, Blake.

Suddenly, the sound of laserfire sounded, followed by screams.

VILA---------Kerril!

Vila rushed off amid a panicking hoarde of people.

BLAKE------Vila! Vila, come back! Doctor!
DOCTOR----<Yes?>
BLAKE-------Teleport now!

The Doctor teleported them up.

DOCTOR----What happened?
BLAKE------You don't want to know. Vila? Where is he?
DOCTOR----He must still be down there.
AVON-------His bracelet must have come off.
PERI---------What are we going to do?
DOCTOR----Stay calm, for a start, then work out a way to rescue him.

------------------------------

VILA---------Kerril? Kerril? Bayban!
BAYBAN----So, we finally meet again.
VILA---------What have you done with Kerril?
BAYBAN----She's safe, and will stay that way.
VILA---------Oh, good.
BAYBAN----As long as you don't give me any trouble.
VILA---------Oh, hell.


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 3

About an hour later on board the Liberator, the Doctor had a plan.

DOCTOR----Avon, can you remember the sort of things this Bayban wore?
AVON-------I think so.
DOCTOR----Do you think you can find something suitable?
BLAKE------What for, Doctor?
DOCTOR----I have an idea.

-----------------------------

DOCTOR----Right. Give me a teleport bracelet, will you, Peri?
PERI---------Here.
DOCTOR----Thanks. Oh, what am I thinking of? I'll need two.
BLAKE------Two?
DOCTOR----One for luck, of course.
BLAKE------What exactly are you planning to do, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Rescue Vila.
AVON-------So, how will being dressed like Bayban help?
DOCTOR----And I thought you were supposed to be the intelligent one. I'm going to impersonate him, of course.
BLAKE------Well, don't forget to be nasty.
DOCTOR----I'll do my best.
PERI---------You don't have to try, Doctor. Just be your natural self.
DOCTOR----Right, put me down.
BLAKE------Good luck, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Thank you.
AVON-------He'll need it.
PERI---------Is Bayban really that bad?
AVON-------Yes.
DOCTOR----<Blake?>
BLAKE------Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR----<See you later.>

Meanwhile, Vila had been taken to the recently derelict building where he was tied up, a couple of Bayban's goons guarding him.

VILA---------What does Bayban want with me?
THUG 1------He wants your head to use as a football.
VILA---------Really? Couldn't he use something else? I'm rather attached to it.
THUG 2------Not for much longer.
BAYBAN----We don't get much exercise, these days.
VILA---------I can see that. I'm surprised you didn't burst that leather.
BAYBAN----Don't piss me about, Vila. Remember, you're only still breathing because I haven't got round to stopping it - yet.
VILA---------I'll remember.
BAYBAN----Do that, while you can.
VILA---------Before you do that, why don't you tell me how you survived.
BAYBAN----I survived, Vila, because I'm far cleverer than Blake.
VILA---------I don't think Blake would agree with that.
BAYBAN----What?!
VILA---------But Avon would. Maybe you could recruit him.
BAYBAN----And why would I want to do that?
VILA---------Because he's an evil bastard who likes to be on the winning side.
BAYBAN----Hmm. Perhaps I won't kill him, after all.
VILA---------He'll appreciate that. Although I wouldn't mind the rumours of his death being greatly accurate.
BAYBAN----Unfortunately for you, you won't be here when he does die.
VILA---------No? Oh, well. And what do you intend to do when you've killed me?
BAYBAN----Take the Liberator.
VILA---------Avon won't like that.
BAYBAN----He'll just have to, or die.
VILA---------He won't like that either.
BAYBAN----But he'll be dead, so won't have any say in the matter, will he?
VILA---------Suppose not. I wish I could see that.
BAYBAN----See what?
VILA---------Avon splattered to eternity. Couldn't you arrange it?
BAYBAN----Sorry. Your time has nearly arrived.
VILA---------Time?
BAYBAN----To die, of course.
VILA---------Are you sure the clock isn't fast?
BAYBAN----Not the clock in my head.
VILA---------Oh, cuckoo, is it?
BAYBAN----What?
VILA---------Nothing. And what about Kerril?
BAYBAN----Ah, yes, Kerril. I have the worst punishment in the universe for her.
VILA---------And what might that be?
BAYBAN----Marriage to me.
VILA---------Over my dead body, Bayban!
BAYBAN----How very aptly put, Vila.
VILA---------Oh, hell!
BAYBAN----Now, before you die, I am going to torture you.
VILA---------Oh, you don't want to do that.
BAYBAN----Why not? I shall enjoy your screams.
VILA---------Because it'll hurt.
BAYBAN----But not me, Vila.
VILA---------What's that?
BAYBAN----My glove and the studs are very, very cold.

Bayban approached Vila, glove in hand, which Vila eyes warily then screamed.

BAYBAN----I haven't touched you, yet.
VILA---------I know.
BAYBAN----So, why are you screaming before I even hit you?
VILA---------It's the thought of those studs. I can't stand anything cold. Why do you think me and Avon don't get on?
BAYBAN----Oh, shut up and let me hit you.
VILA---------Yes, Bayban.
BAYBAN----And if you so much as whimper, I'll use the studded glove.
VILA---------Yes, Bayban. Oh, Bayban?
BAYBAN----What now?
VILA---------You will try not to hurt me too much, won't you?
BAYBAN----Where's the fun in that?

------------------------------------

DOCTOR----(coughs) Oi, you!
THUG--------Bayban! I didn't see you go out.
DOCTOR----Well you would have, if you weren't snoring your ugly head off.
THUG--------I wasn't, Bayban!
DOCTOR----Don't argue with me, you moronic imbecile. Now, where's the prisoner?
THUG--------Which one, Bayban?
DOCTOR----Which one?! Which one?! Vila, of course!
THUG--------I'll take you to him.
DOCTOR----Right. Oh, no, you don't. You stay here. Just tell me.
THUG--------Yes, Bayban.
DOCTOR----And try to stay awake.
THUG--------Yes, Bayban.

------------------------------------

BAYBAN----Take him away.
VILA---------What? You're going to kill me now?
BAYBAN----Of course.
VILA---------Don't I even get a last request?
BAYBAN----You've already had one, and I enjoyed it immensely. Oh, very well then. No one can say Bayban is unfair.
VILA---------Bit sarcastic, though.
BAYBAN----What?
VILA---------In the nicest possible way, of course.
BAYBAN----That's better. So, what's your request?
VILA---------Can I say goodbye to Kerril?
BAYBAN----No.
VILA---------Please, Bayban. I just want to see her and the children one last time.
BAYBAN----What children?
VILA---------Er, that's, er, my pet name for her, er, thingies. You know.
BAYBAN----Oh, yes. And soon those 'children' shall have me playing with them.
VILA---------Gawd, I hope not.
BAYBAN----What was that?
VILA---------I said, you'd enjoy that.
BAYBAN----Very well. Take him to Kerril. Give them five minutes, then take him outside where I'll be waiting for you.
THUG 1------Yes, Bayban. Come on, you.
VILA---------I'm not your bit of rough, you know. I'm a VIP.
THUG 2------VIP?
VILA---------Very important prisoner.
THUG 1------Shut up and move!
VILA---------You only had to ask me nicely. Thank you, Bayban.

---------------------------------

PERI---------Do you think the Doctor's okay down there?
BLAKE------I'm sure he is.
PERI---------I hope he knows what he's doing.
AVON-------Oh, I doubt that, from what I know of your friend.
PERI---------And what's that supposed to mean.
AVON-------Are you sure he's quite sane?
PERI---------The Doctor is a genius.
AVON-------That's debatable
PERI---------What do you mean by that?
AVON-------He must be pretty stupid to try and get away with pretending to be Bayban, risking his life just to save Vila's miserable one.
PERI---------At least the Doctor's doing something, which is more than you are.
AVON-------On that basis, why are you still up here instead of helping him?
PERI---------Right, I will.
BLAKE------Hold on, Peri. You can't go.
PERI---------Why not?
BLAKE------Because, if Bayban''s men see you with the Doctor, they're bound to guess who he is. They may be stupid, but not that stupid.
PERI---------You're right.
BLAKE------Good. Now, why don't we just relax and wait until we hear from the Doctor.
PERI---------Okay.
AVON-------You can do what you like. I'm going to get some information out of Orac.
BLAKE------Yes, you do that. Then perhaps we can get some peace.


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 4

The Doctor went down corridor after corridor. He saw Vila being escorted by two scruffy men and decided to follow.

THUG 1------Right, in you go.
VILA---------Thank you.
THUG 2------And no funny business.
VILA---------Like what?
THUG 1------Trying to escape.
VILA---------Would I (?)
THUG 2------You'd better not even try.
VILA---------I'll be here. Do you think we could have a bit of privacy?
THUG 1------Bayban never said nothing about that.
VILA---------He never said nothing about deodorant, either.
THUG 1------We'll be just over there, where we can keep an eye on you.
VILA---------Dirty old men, with the emphasis on the dirty.
THUG 2------Five minutes.
VILA---------I can tell the time.
THUG 1------You surprise me.

The Doctor watched what was going on then went round the corner.

DOCTOR----<Blake?>
BLAKE------Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR----<Shh. Not so loud. I don't want them to hear.>
BLAKE------Sorry, Doctor. What's going on?
DOCTOR----<I've managed to find Vila, so get ready to teleport him when I give the word.>
PERI---------What about you?
DOCTOR----Would you keep your big American mouth down!
PERI---------Sorry.
DOCTOR----<That's better. Me? I'm going to find this Bayban as soon as I've rescued Vila. Got to go. Bye.>
PERI---------Good luck, Doctor.
BLAKE------He's gone.
AVON-------Yes, in the head, just as I've always suspected.
PERI---------I'm sure if it was you down there instead, he'd do the same for you.
AVON-------Then he's an even bigger fool than I gave him credit for.

----------------------------------

VILA---------Where are the children?
KERRIL------Norl and his people are looking after them.
VILA---------Good.
KERRIL------What's going to happen to us, Vila?
VILA---------Bayban intends to kill me.
KERRIL------Oh, no!
VILA---------Shh. That's nothing to what he's got planned for you.
KERRIL------And what's that, dare I ask?
VILA---------Marriage.
KERRIL------I'd rather be dead than let him touch me.
VILA---------I know. But what about the children?
KERRIL------What about them?
VILA---------He doesn't know about them.
KERRIL------Then, I'll make sure it stays that way.
VILA---------How?
KERRIL------Norl has instructions to keep them safe, in case anything happens to me.
VILA---------Good.
DOCTOR----Oi, you!
VILA---------Those five minutes can't be up already.
THUG 1------Bayban!
DOCTOR----You were expecting someone else? My twin brother, perhaps.
THUG 1------I thought you said you'd meet us outside.
DOCTOR----Did I?
THUG 2------Yes.
DOCTOR----Who asked you?
THUG 2------Sorry.
DOCTOR----So you should be. Speak when you are spoken to. Now, what we you saying? Oh, yes. Considering I have a lot on my mind today, I can't be expected to remember everything.
THUG 1------Yes, Bayban. You gonna kill him now?
DOCTOR----What? Oh, yes. I'll take him outside myself. You, Vila.
VILA---------Yes, Bayban?
DOCTOR----Out. Now!
VILA---------Yes, Bayban. Well, goodbye Kerril.
KERRIL------Bye, Vila. I'll never forget you.
VILA---------Nor I, you.
DOCTOR----Do I have to drag you out by your hair?
VILA---------Coming Bayban.
DOCTOR----I'll be back for you later, Kerril.
KERRIL------Not too soon, I hope.
DOCTOR----The sooner the better. You!
THUG 2------Yes, Bayban?
DOCTOR----Keep an eye on her. We don't want her escaping before I've had a chance to deal with her.
THUG 2------Yes, Bayban.
DOCTOR----And try not to fall for any female tricks.
THUG 2------Yes, Bayban.
DOCTOR----You, come with me.
THUG 1------Yes, Bayban.
DOCTOR----Come along, Vila. I've got a surprise in store for you.
VILA---------Can't wait (!)

They went about half a mile and then the Doctor lunged at the thug and knocked him unconcious.

VILA---------What's going on?
DOCTOR----Shhh! Put this on.
VILA---------It's a teleport bracelet.
DOCTOR----I know what it is.
VILA---------How did you get one?
DOCTOR----Just stop asking questions and put it on.
VILA---------What's going on, Bayban?
DOCTOR----I'm the Doctor, and I've just saved your neck. I thought you'd be at least a bit grateful.
VILA---------Oh, I am, I am.
DOCTOR----Blake?
BLAKE------<I'm here, Doctor.>
DOCTOR----Take Vila up.
BLAKE------<Okay.>
VILA---------Thanks Doc.
DOCTOR----I'll save Kerril too. See you later.

Vila vanished just as the guard came round. The Doctor didn't notice him creep up behind him.

DOCTOR----Nice chap. I've always liked him. Now to find Bayban.

The thug grabbed the Doctor around the neck and squoze it tight with him arm.

THUG--------That can be arranged. Who are you?
DOCTOR----I'm Bayban, so let me go, or I'll kill you.
THUG--------I don't think so somehow.

The thug released the Doctor, who was about to attack him, but stopped in mid-wallop when he saw the gun pointed at him.

DOCTOR----Take me to your leader then.
THUG--------With pleasure.
DOCTOR----Yours, or mine?
THUG--------Bayban's.
DOCTOR----Thought it would be. Is he as awful as people say?
THUG--------Worse. Why?
DOCTOR----Just want to know what I'm up against.
THUG--------Right now? A cold laser gun
DOCTOR----I get your point.
THUG--------You'll get a laser bolt right through you if you try anything.
DOCTOR----Wouldn't that spoil the leather?
THUG--------Through your head, then.
DOCTOR----But I only had my hair done yesterday.
THUG--------Shut up.

--------------------------------

BLAKE------Are you all right, Vila?
AVON-------Obviously, since he's standing right beside you.
VILA---------I knew you'd be glad to see me, Avon.
AVON-------Well, of course. Just like with Blake, I always thought our deaths would be linked in some way.
VILA---------I see. So, you'd kill me, then feel so much remorse, you'd kill yourself.
AVON-------Hardly. You'd die so I could escape, if we were captured together. I'd be eternally grateful.
VILA---------Eternally grateful for a second, then you'll forget about me.
AVON-------Precisely. Let's face it, Vila, you're hardly a memorable person, are you?
PERI---------Well, I'll never forget him.
VILA---------Thank you, Peri.
AVON-------She's a girl. What does she know about intelligence?
PERI---------Thanks a lot!
AVON-------Any time.
VILA---------What about Leela?
AVON-------What about her?
VILA---------She got you summed up from the start. It's no wonder she preferred me.
BLAKE------That's enough, you two. I'm getting sick and tired of you two arguing.
AVON-------I'm sick and tired too. Sick of you, and tired of him pretending to be every woman's dream man.
VILA---------You're only jealous.
AVON-------Of you?!
VILA---------Yes! Leela would agree if she was here. In fact, she'd probably cut your stone heart out.
AVON-------Will you stop going on about Leela!
VILA---------You are jealous.
AVON-------No, I am not! It's just that every time this Doctor turns up, it's Leela, Leela, Leela. You never mention her - or even the Doctor - any other time.
VILA---------What's up? Raw nerve?
AVON-------I admit, I was.... quite taken with Leela-
VILA---------You wanted to get in her chamois knickers!
AVON-------I did not!
VILA---------Oh, yes, you did. I saw the way you lusted after her, even if she didn't. But she preferred me, which still gets up your nose.
AVON-------I've had enough of this!
BLAKE------So have I.
AVON-------If you aren't even willing to listen to me, I'm going to talk to Orac. I'll get more sense out of him.
VILA---------Your pillow talk must be a lot of laughs.
AVON-------At least I don't have sex with the first girl who comes along.
VILA---------That's because no one's that desperate. Not even men. Not even Servalan!

Avon was about to speak, but walked off to the flight deck instead, leaving Vila with a big grin on his face.

BLAKE------Enjoy that, did you?
VILA---------Yes. It's not every day Avon's speechless. More's the pity.
BLAKE------Now you've had your fun, perhaps you can tell me how you got into that mess.

Meanwhile, back at the building....

THUG--------Bayban! I thought you were outside.
BAYBAN----I was, but it started to rain. Where's Vila?
THUG--------Escaped.
BAYBAN----How?
THUG--------With the help of this man. In, you.
BAYBAN----Who are you?
DOCTOR----I'm the Doctor. You must be the infamous, Bayban the Butcher. I've heard so much about you. You did well to come inside. You don't want frizzy hair. I know, it's happened to me often enough. Can't do a thing with it.
BAYBAN----Will you shut up!
DOCTOR----I'm only trying to be friendly.
BAYBAN----Well, don't. (to thug) Where's your.... playmate?
THUG--------Keeping an eye on the girl.
BAYBAN----And where's yours?
DOCTOR----Are you talking to me?
BAYBAN----Of course, I'm talking to you.
DOCTOR----Then use my name. That's what they're for. Stops people getting confused.
BAYBAN----All right, Doctor, where's Vila?
DOCTOR----Gone.
BAYBAN----I know that! But, where?

The Doctor pointed upwards then smiled at Bayban. Bayban grabbed his hand and bent his finger back.

BAYBAN----Don't mess with me! What's this?
DOCTOR----What?
BAYBAN----This!
DOCTOR----If you'd stop trying to break my finger, I could have a look. Thank you. Now, what?
BAYBAN----On your wrist.
DOCTOR----Oh, this? Lucky charm.
BAYBAN----Lucky charm?
DOCTOR----Some people have rabbit's foots, some even have a horseshoe. Me? I prefer this pink and black bracelet.
BAYBAN----What's the writing?
DOCTOR----My name.
BAYBAN----Don't mess with me, Doctor.
DOCTOR----It is my name. It says, "Doctor", in High Gallifreyan. My native language.
BAYBAN----Never heard of it.
DOCTOR----Very few non-Gallifreyans have.
BAYBAN----I see. What's the matter with you?
THUG--------Nothing, Bayban.
BAYBAN----Then, what are you staring at?
THUG--------I'm sorry, Bayban. It's just that you two look so much alike. If it wasn't for your sneer, I wouldn't be able to tell you apart.
BAYBAN----Don't be ridiculous.
DOCTOR----Oh, I've had it all day. You know, when I met up with Vila and Avon again, they were convinced I was you.
BAYBAN----Really?
DOCTOR----Hmm. It took ages before I finally convinced them.
BAYBAN----Now, that is interesting. Doctor, do you think I could have a look at that lucky charm of yours?
DOCTOR----You can see it perfectly well from where you are.
BAYBAN----I know, but I want a closer look.
DOCTOR----What for? It's of no possible use to you.
BAYBAN----Because, your luck has just run out.
DOCTOR----Now, wait a minute.
BAYBAN----Do you think I'm completely stupid, Doctor?
DOCTOR----You know what first impressions are like.

Bayban grabbed the Doctor's arm and pulled hard. He reached for the bracelet then removed it.

DOCTOR----What are you doing?
BAYBAN----Putting on your, 'lucky charm'.
DOCTOR----I demand you return it at once!
BAYBAN----You're in no position to demand anything, unless you want your neck broken.
DOCTOR----What do you intend to do?
BAYBAN----Get Vila. You see, Doctor, I know a teleport bracelet when I see one.
DOCTOR----They won't teleport you aboard.
BAYBAN----Oh, yes, they will. You see, Doctor, you've given me a marvellous idea.
DOCTOR----I have?
BAYBAN----Yes. And once I'm gone, I want him taken outside, shot and buried.
THUG--------Gladly, Bayban.
BAYBAN----Right. Liberator?
BLAKE------<Is that you, Doctor?>
BAYBAN----Yes.

The Doctor was about to speak until he felt the lasergun against his temple.

BLAKE------<Is everything all right, down there?>
BAYBAN----Yes.
BLAKE------<And, Bayban?>
BAYBAN----Bayban's been butchered by his own men.
BLAKE------<Are you ready to come up now?>
BAYBAN----Yes. The sooner I get to you all, and Vila, the better.
BLAKE------<Okay.>
BAYBAN----Goodbye Doctor. See you in hell.
DOCTOR----You'll be there centuries before I am, Bayban. But I'm sure we'll meet again much sooner than that.
BAYBAN----In your dreams, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Well, Bayban, I am your worst recurring nightmare.

Bayban disappeared and the Doctor was led away, the gun permanantly on the back of his neck. He decided to seize the moment, whipped round and pushed the thug against the wall, gun flying.

THUG--------I'll kill you for this!
DOCTOR----You'll have a job from this position, with no gun.
THUG--------What did you attack me for? I'd have made it as quick and as painless as possible.
DOCTOR----Because, I've decided I'm far too young to regenerate. I'm only 940. Life doesn't begin until you're at least two thousand.

He pointed his index and middle fingers and stared at them.

DOCTOR----Now, I wonder if I can still do this?

He pressed them against the thug's chest, but nothing happened. He flexed them and tried again, with the same result.

DOCTOR----Oh, well. Worth a try, I suppose. Pity I wasn't a few regenerations younger. I'd have had no trouble then.
THUG--------What were you trying to do?
DOCTOR----I was trying to put you to sleep.
THUG--------By poking me?
DOCTOR----That, my dear, ignorant.... man, was Venusian karate, but I seem to have lost the knack. Never mind, I have other ways.
THUG--------What, "other ways"?
DOCTOR----This, for one.

He clenched his fist and brought it down on his head. The thug looked dazed, slid to the floor and closed his eyes.

DOCTOR----Well, at least I can still do that. Right, I need a bracelet. Of course! Vila lost his. Kerril.


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 5

BLAKE------It's so good to see you back, Doctor.
BAYBAN----Yes, I thought it would be.
PERI---------I was so worried about you.
BAYBAN----There was no need.
BLAKE------Is Bayban dead?
BAYBAN----He should be by now.
PERI---------So, we can say goodbye and go back to the Tardis?
BAYBAN----Tardis?
PERI---------Yes.
BAYBAN----Sorry. Had a bit of a bump on the head. My memory isn't too good.
PERI---------I understand. It's like after you regenerated.
BAYBAN----Er, yes, that's right. Where's Vila?
BLAKE------In his room, I should think. Why?
BAYBAN----Bayban asked me to give him something before he died.
BLAKE------Right.
BAYBAN----This way?
BLAKE------That's right. We'll be on the flight deck, when you've finished.
BAYBAN----Good. I'd prefer you to be together.
PERI---------Why?
BAYBAN----To say goodbye of course (leaves).
BLAKE------Coming?
PERI---------That's not the Doctor.
BLAKE------Of course it is. You saw him.
PERI---------I saw someone who looks like him.
BLAKE------It's the Doctor.
PERI---------No, it isn't!
BLAKE------How can you be so sure?
PERI---------When you've been cooped up with the Doctor as long as I have, you know.
BLAKE------All right, say I believe you. What shall we do about it?
PERI---------Wait for the Doctor to contact us.
BLAKE------But, he doesn't have a bracelet. He took two, remember? He gave one to Vila and kept the other.
PERI---------I know.
BLAKE------You heard what he said. He got a bump on the head. Try not to think about it.
PERI---------You're just going to ignore what I've said?
BLAKE------We have no proof it isn't the Doctor. The clothes are the same, as is his hair, voice and face. Now, I'm going to the flight deck. Are you coming?
PERI---------No. I'll stay here.
BLAKE------Suit yourself.

-------------------------------

DOCTOR----Open the door!
THUG--------Yes, Bayban.
DOCTOR----Get up, Kerril.
KERRIL------What are you going to do with me?
DOCTOR----What do you think?
KERRIL------Where's Vila?
DOCTOR----Let's just say, he's no longer alive on this world.
KERRIL------So, you've killed him.
DOCTOR----What do you think?
KERRIL------And now you intend to marry me.
DOCTOR----Erm, yes, that's right. So, don't try anything or you'll suffer terribly.
KERRIL------Anything's better than letting you paw me.
DOCTOR----Shut up, and get out here.

Kerril did as she was told then the thug closed the door. The Doctor beckoned him over.

DOCTOR----What's that?
THUG--------What, Bayban?
DOCTOR----That, on the bars. Can't you see it?
THUG--------No, Bayban.
DOCTOR----Then, look closer!

The thug moved his face nearer the bars then the Doctor shoved him against them, knocking him out instantly.

KERRIL------What's going on?
DOCTOR----I'm the Doctor, and I need your help to save Vila.
KERRIL------How can I help?
DOCTOR----When Vila arrived, he was wearing a black and pink bracelet.
KERRIL------I remember.
DOCTOR----I need to find it.
KERRIL------Why? Is it that important?
DOCTOR----Yes. Bayban took mine and I need it to stop him.
KERRIL------I'll take you there.
DOCTOR----Thank you. Oh, just a minute.

The Doctor took a plastic bottle from a pocket and dropped it on the thug.

KERRIL------What's that?
DOCTOR----Aspirin. He and his friend will have dreadful headaches when they wake up. Shall we go?

They managed to dodge any guards and arrived at the hideout unscathed.

KERRIL------Now, he had it when he went to tell the others about the children, but not when he came back, so it must be around here somewhere.
DOCTOR----Right.
KERRIL------I'll start over thee.
DOCTOR----Okay, and try to hurry.
NORL--------Kerril. You are safe.
KERRIL------So is Vila, thanks to the Doctor.
DOCTOR----Pleased to meet you. Sorry I can't stop and chat, but we're looking for a bracelet.
NORL--------Would this be it?
DOCTOR----That's it! Can I have it?
KERRIL------It's all right, Norl. Would I really bring Bayban anywhere near my children?
NORL--------You would, if you were tricked.
DOCTOR----This is getting monotonous. I am the Doctor. I am a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. Vila's life is in danger because Bayban pretended to be me and I've got to save it for the second time today.
KERRIL------You can trust him, Norl.
NORL--------If you say so. Here is the bracelet.
DOCTOR----Thank you, Norl. Blake? Blake, it's the Doctor. Blake! Peri? Someone!
BLAKE------<Doctor?>
DOCTOR----At last! I thought you'd gone off without me and stolen my Tardis. Get me up, quickly.
BLAKE------<Okay, Doctor.>

----------------------------

PERI---------What did I tell you?
BLAKE------We'll see.

-----------------------------
DOCTOR----I promise to return with Vila.
KERRIL------If you're not too late.
DOCTOR----I always have a habit of arriving in the nick of time, like a Brigadier friend of mine. Goodbye.

----------------------------

PERI---------Doctor?
DOCTOR----Well, of course it's me? Who were you expecting?
PERI---------Well.....
DOCTOR----Where's Vila?
BLAKE------I don't know.
DOCTOR----Blake, this is important!
PERI---------He's in his room, I think. Or, so Blake said to-
DOCTOR----Me? Thank you, Peri. Now, which way?
BLAKE------I'll take you, Doctor.
DOCTOR----I just hope it's not too late.
BLAKE------For what?
DOCTOR----To stop Bayban killing Vila, of course.
BLAKE------It's this way.

------------------------------

PERI---------Avon, quickly! The others need your help!
AVON-------It's nice to be popular.
PERI---------Cut the crap! Bayban's on the ship!
AVON-------Well, why didn't you say so before?
PERI---------You never asked me.
AVON-------Where is he?
PERI---------I think he's got Vila.
AVON-------(grabs gun) Right, let's go!


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 6

Blake slowed to a halt outside a door. He was about to speak when the Doctor put a finger to his lips.

DOCTOR----Shh. Is this Vila's room?
BLAKE------Yes. So, what now?
DOCTOR----We don't need any heroics for a start, so I'll go in alone.
BLAKE------What was that about heroics?
DOCTOR----Blake, in my 940 years, I've battled more aliens, megalomaniacs and unpleasant characters than you've had hours sleep. I think I know what I'm doing by now.
BLAKE------If you say so.
DOCTOR----I do.
BLAKE------We don't even know if he's still alive in there.
DOCTOR----That's why we wait for the right moment, then I'll apply the softly softly approach.
BLAKE------Whatever you say.
DOCTOR----And, whatever you do, keep Avon away from here.
BLAKE------I'll try my best.

Suddenly, Vila's scream broke the silence.

DOCTOR----I'm going in.
BLAKE------Be careful.
DOCTOR----Remember what I said about Avon. And keep Peri quiet.

The Doctor stepped back, opened the door and burst in, locking it behind him.

DOCTOR----Get your filthy hands off him, Bayban!
BAYBAN----I thought you were dead.
DOCTOR----You know what thought did. Vila?
VILA---------Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR----Are you hurt?
VILA---------No more than before.
DOCTOR----Did he touch you?
VILA---------No, but he was talking about pulling my trousers down, tying me to the bed and spanking me with his belt.
DOCTOR----I'm sure that wouldn't have happened, Vila.
BAYBAN----Whatever gives you that idea?
DOCTOR----Because, as soon as you took your belt off, your trousers would fall down.
BAYBAN----You're a fine one to talk.
DOCTOR----What was that name he went under, Vila?
VILA---------Bayban the butcher, or Bayban the berserker.
DOCTOR----I've got another one he can add to his list.
BAYBAN----And what might that be?
DOCTOR----How about, Bayban the blubber?
VILA---------I like that.
BAYBAN----But not for long.
DOCTOR----Vila, I want you to do something for me.
VILA---------What's that, Doctor?
BAYBAN----Kill yourself?
DOCTOR----I want you to move towards me.
VILA---------What about Bayban?
DOCTOR----Never mind Bayban, just do it.
VILA---------Right, Doc. Whatever you say.
DOCTOR----Now, I want you to open the door and leave.
VILA---------With pleasure.
DOCTOR----Just a moment. I want you to tell everyone not to come anywhere near this room until I'm finished or something could go wrong.
VILA---------Right. Anything else?
DOCTOR----Ask Peri, or someone, to collect my clothes, will you? The sooner I get out of this stuff, the better.
VILA---------Right.
DOCTOR----Off you go.
VILA---------The door's locked!
DOCTOR----Then I suggest you unlock it.
VILA---------Oh, right. See you later.

Vila made his way carefully through the doorway then ran like the clappers. The Doctor locked the door again and made sure no one could open it from the other side.

DOCTOR----Now, it's high time you were stopped, once and for all.
BAYBAN----You'll be lucky. I'm unbeatable.
DOCTOR----We'll see.

---------------------------

BLAKE------Vila!
PERI---------Where's the Doctor?
VILA---------With Bayban. He got me out. What's the gun for?
AVON-------To kill Bayban once and for all. He won't escape this time.
VILA---------But the Doctor said no one was to go anywhere near, or it might be dangerous.
AVON-------For whom?
VILA---------He didn't say, but probably for him.
AVON-------I don't care what he says. I want Bayban off my ship.
BLAKE------Your ship?
AVON-------Our ship, then. What difference does it make?
BLAKE------It makes every difference.
AVON-------Well, I'm going.
VILA---------Don't be a fool, Avon!
PERI---------I'm going too.
VILA---------No, wait, Peri. The Doctor asked me to ask you if you could fetch his clothes.
PERI---------I don't know where they are.
BLAKE------I do. I'll get them. Meet you outside Vila's room.
PERI---------Okay. Vila?
VILA---------I'm staying away, just like the Doctor wanted.
PERI---------Scared?
VILA---------You would be too, if you'd had Bayban threatening to do all sorts to you.
PERI---------Well, I'm going to help. Avon?
AVON-------Where's the resident coward?
PERI---------Back there. Well?
AVON-------The door's locked.
PERI---------Open it then!
AVON-------It's locked from the inside and they've made sure no one can disturb them.
PERI---------Isn't there anything you can do?
AVON-------I can open most doors on this ship, but not deliberately vandalised ones.
PERI---------So, there's nothing we can do?
AVON-------I could try and blast it.
BLAKE------Don't be stupid. You could hit the Doctor.
AVON-------Or Bayban.
BLAKE------We'll do as the Doctor says and wait. What shall I do with these?
PERI---------Might as well hang onto them. I don't know about you, but if we're in for a long wait, I'm going to sit down.

About an hour later, they were still waiting. By this time, Vila had got tired of being on his own and had joined them.

PERI---------It's still very quiet in there.
BLAKE------It's been quiet all the time we've been waiting.
PERI---------It's creepy.
VILA---------I'd settle for a scream. Even a little one.
AVON-------Are you volunteering?
VILA---------I mean, so we at least know one of them is alive in there.
PERI---------You don't think they've killed each other, do you?
AVON-------Probably. But, as I can't see through walls, I can't tell you.

Suddenly, the door opened slightly. They all looked at each other, warily got up and went to the door.

VILA---------I take it, someone wants us to go in.
AVON-------I'd have thought that was obvious.
PERI---------But, who?
BLAKE------There's only one way to find out.

He opened the door and they saw the Doctor and Bayban sitting next to each other on the bed seemingly staring at them.

VILA---------Do you think they're dead?
AVON-------Then, who opened the door, a ghost?
BLAKE------I wonder which is which.
PERI---------The likeness is uncanny.
BLAKE------Doctor? Bayban?
VILA---------How do we find out?
PERI---------I know a way. Give me his clothes.
DOCTOR----Ah, you've brought them.
AVON-------Now we know.
DOCTOR----Dear old coat. I never thought I'd see you again.
PERI---------That's the Doctor, all right. Only he thinks that coat is wonderful.
DOCTOR----I can't tell you how glad I'll be to get out of all this leather and into something more comfortable. Hello, Vila. All right now, are you?
VILA---------Yes, thank you, Doctor.
AVON-------Is he dead?
DOCTOR----No, no, no, no. I never take a life if I can find another way.
BLAKE-------Then, why's he like that?
DOCTOR----He's under hypnosis. Took a while. Not an easy subject, I can tell you. He put up quite a fight.
PERI---------Literally, I take it, from the state of you.
DOCTOR----What's a few cuts and bruises between friends?
BLAKE------"Friends"?!
DOCTOR----Figuratively speaking, of course.
VILA---------What are we going to do with him?
DOCTOR----It's up to you, as long as there's no more violence.
AVON-------We could put him on an uninhabited planet.
BLAKE------He might find a way off.
VILA---------We could give him to the Federation.
BLAKE------Would you really want that?
VILA---------Before I found Kerril again and discovered I was a father, no. But I have a responsibility for their safety now. I don't want him to get the chance of hurting any of them.
BLAKE------Fair enough. But, how? We can't go and knock on their door.
DOCTOR----My Tardis.
AVON-------How would that help?
DOCTOR----If you give me the co-ordinates of some cells, I could get the Tardis to materialise on the spot and drop him off.
VILA---------Literally?
DOCTOR----You know what I mean.
BLAKE------They wouldn't know what hit them. That's a good idea, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Right. You sort out the co-ordinates.
BLAKE------What are you going to do?
DOCTOR----Get changed, install our friend here in the Tardis, then Vila and I are going on a little trip.

-----------------------------

BLAKE------Here are those co-ordiantes you wanted, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Thank you, Blake.
BLAKE------I must say, I feel reassured with you in that.
DOCTOR----The fact that Bayban wouldn't be seen alive, dead or hypnotised in these, eh?
BLAKE------Something like that.
DOCTOR----So, Vila, do you want to see Bayban safely deposited at.... Where was it?
VILA---------Space Command Headquarters.
DOCTOR----Yes, there.
VILA---------Well....
DOCTOR----It's up to you.
VILA---------All right, then. As long as the Liberator's still here when we get back.
BLAKE------It will be. You have my word.
VILA---------That's as maybe, but what about Avon?
BLAKE------I'll be here to keep an eye on him.
VILA---------Good.
DOCTOR----Come on then, Vila. Bye Blake, and say goodbye to Avon for me and Peri.

----------------------------

KERRIL------What's that?
DOCTOR----Hello Kerril. Norl.
NORL--------Doctor.
DOCTOR----Well, I've done what I promised. Come on, Vila.
VILA---------Kerril!
KERRIL------Vila!
NORL--------Where is Bayban?
DOCTOR----In there. It's quite safe. We're taking him on a little journey so he can't bother anybody for quite a while.
VILA---------Do you want to come, Kerril? Oh, you too, Norl, naturally.
NORL--------No, thank you.
KERRIL------In there?
VILA---------Yes.
KERRIL------Will we all fit inside?
DOCTOR----It's bigger than it looks. Well?
KERRIL------Okay, then.
DOCTOR----Right, in you both go. Sure you won't change your mind, Norl? You'd be very welcome.
NORL--------I will stay here and look after the children.
DOCTOR----Fair enough. We'll be back when we've got rid of our passenger.

----------------------------

DOCTOR----Is this it?
VILA---------Afraid so.
DOCTOR----Right, bring him out, will you?
VILA---------Okay, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Put him over on the bed.
VILA---------He weighs a ton.
DOCTOR----Is that camera working, do you know?
KERRIL------Probably.
VILA---------They won't know what's happening.
DOCTOR----Right, back into the Tardis. I'll be along as soon as I've woken him up.
VILA---------Okay. Come on, Kerril (leaves).
DOCTOR----Wake up, Bayban the blubber!
BAYBAN----Doctor! Where am I?
DOCTOR----It's a surprise. Bye.
BAYBAN----I'll get you one day. You and Vila.
DOCTOR----I'd like to see you try to escape from here. Enjoy yourself.

Bayban tried to attack the Doctor, but he got into the Tardis in time, leaving Bayban thumping the doors. He got quite a shock when it disappeared into thin air. He turned round and saw Federation guards pointing guns at him.

-----------------------------

DOCTOR----Right, back to Vilaworld, unless you two want to go somewhere else.
KERRIL------I must get back to the children.
DOCTOR----Vilaworld it is, then.
VILA---------Kerril?
KERRIL------Yes, Vila?
VILA---------Why don't you and the children come with us?
KERRIL------Us?
VILA---------On the Liberator.
KERRIL------I'm sorry, Vila. As much as I'd like to be with you, our home is Vilaworld. You gave me up before and now, I'm afraid, it's my turn to let you go.
VILA---------Then, I'll stay with you.
KERRIL------You wouldn't be happy for long and you know it. Your place is with Blake.
VILA---------I suppose you're right.
DOCTOR----Here we are then. I think we should say our goodbyes here.
VILA---------But, how will I get back to the Liberator?

Kerril looked and the Doctor and he nodded. She went outside and waited for Vila.

DOCTOR----I took the precaution of bringing a teleport bracelet. Just in case.
VILA---------Thank you, Doctor.
DOCTOR----Take care of yourself.
VILA---------I will.
DOCTOR----And forget Leela. She's happily married now.
VILA---------Yes. Still, it was nice her wanting me when Avon wanted her.
DOCTOR----Well, try not to rub his nose in it too often, eh?
VILA---------I'll do my best, but it won't be easy.
PERI---------Bye, Vila.
VILA---------Bye, Peri.
DOCTOR----Give our regards to Kerril, Norl and the others.
VILA---------I will. Bye then (leaves).
DOCTOR----Right, young lady. Blackpool this time, I think.
PERI---------Some hope!
DOCTOR----Never mind. I'll buy you a stick of rock as soon as we land.
PERI---------If you say so, Doctor.


The End

Patsy