Catastrophe Street

[RitaLittlewood]

This was originally written between the 23rd and 29th October 2005

Part 1

It was an average day in Weatherfield. Leaves fallen off most of the trees, rain, the usual for late October. Mike Baldwin strolled across from his factory to The Kabin to buy some cigars reasoning any excuse to esape the whining in the office. "Afternoon, Reet," he greeted cheerfully.
"Afternoon, Mike," she replied beaming. "And what can I do for you?"
"I'd like..." he began then frowned. "Now what was it I came in for?"
"Paper? Cigars? Packet of mints?" Reet suggested.
"Yes, that's it," he grinned. "Packet of my cigars please." She reached up for them as he delved into his pocket for his wallet. "Thanks," he said, handing the money over. "I still can't believe you agreed to let Norris have a partnership."
"A very junior partnership," she stressed.
Mike laughed, cigars going in his inside pocket. "But why?"
"Well," she began sincerely, "after a long hard think and going over t'books, I came to the conclusion it were cheaper to pay him out the profits than his wages every week. Made him happy and shut him up. Course the peasant's that dense he hasn't twigged yet he's out of pocket. Just acting smug thinking he's got one over on me."
Mike laughed again. "That'll be the day, eh?"
"Yer damn right," she grinned. "I'll fight any personality transplants them writers plan for me."
Mike laughed again. "I must think about that one with my lot. See ya, Reet."
"Bye, Mike," she smiled.

Over at the factory, Danny Baldwin was getting frazzled. "I wish I'd never come to Weatherfield," he moaned.
"Everything will be fine," Penny assured. "You weren't to know what would happen.
"Who wouldn't know what would happen?" Mike asked, entering the office.
"My life since I got here," Danny snapped.
"Oh that," Mike dismissed. "Worse things happen at sea. Where's Adam and Jamie?"
"You really don't care, do you?" Danny said flatly.
"Should I?" he shrugged. "Your own fault. No one asked you to sleep with your son's girlfriend. Now is anyone going to answer my question?"
"In the stock room," Penny told him through gritted teeth. "Where you told them to go before you went out."
"Did I?" he squinted. "Right, if anyone wants me, I'll be in the Rovers."
"Typical!" Danny breathed angrily. He glanced at the shop floor. "Oh and now that lot are playing up."
"I'll see to them, Danny," Penny replied. "You just stay there."

Over at Streetcars, Claire and Lloyd were waiting for fares to pick up while Eileen manned the switch and Steve was getting earache from Tracy.
"She's your daughter, Steve," Tracy insisted.
"So you keep saying," he rolled his eyes. "But you refuse a DNA test and are a natural born liar with that new head."
"I want more money!" Tracy yelled grinning. "Or you'll never see Amy again."
Before Steve said something he regretted, his new girlfriend Ronnie stepped in. "I'm sure if you discussed this reasonably without grinning Steve would be more than happy to come to some sort of arrangement. Wouldn't you, Steve?"
"What?" he asked. "Oh yeah. Right."
"You'd better come through," Ronnie indicated to Tracy.

At Audrey's Sally was having her hair done by Maria. "Not too much off," she instructed. "Kevin doesn't like me with my hair too short."
"Going anywhere nice?" Audrey asked her.
"If we can get Reet to babysit," Sally began, "then I hope so. She's got ever so hostile ever since I last asked her for money. I can't think why."
Audrey and Maria looked at each other knowingly while Sally continued living in a world of her own.

The garage was pretty slow so Kevin, Tyrone and Nathan sat in the office with their feet up. The phone rang and they all scrambled to answer it. Kevin was successful. "Webster's Autos. No, sorry. You've got the wrong number." He hung up. I'm beginning to think we should go into the pizza business since we get so many people ringing for orders ever since that new place opened up." Tyrone and Nathan nodded in agreement.

In the cafe, Frankie and Sarah were working hard taking orders and serving while Roy opened more bean tins. Over at one table, Chesney was looking gooey-eyed at Sophie as she talked.
"Are you listening to me?" Sophie snapped.
"What?" Chesney replied, snapped out of his reverie. "Course I was. What do you take me for?"
"What did I just say then?" she asked.
"Fancy some more chips?" Chesney replied.
"I never said that!" Sophie yelled. "I said you weren't listening to me."
"I was, I was," he reassured. "It's just that my ears work better when I'm eating chips. We can either get them here or me mam can sneak us some for nowt."
Sophie pondered for a moment. "Yer mam." They got up to leave, bumping into Liz who was on her way in.
"Watch it!" she said. "Kids," she continued as she went up to the counter. "Coffee please."
"Sure," Frankie replied. "I'll bring it over."
"Thanks," she went to find a seat and spotted Violet nursing a sandwich. "Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all," Violet replied.

Back at the Kabin, Reet was enjoying Norris's day off far more than he was. She helped herself to the gum drops, figuring they would come out of his share of the profits. Deirdre walked in. "At last. A customer. Want to buy a stamp by any chance?"
"Not this time I'm afraid, Reet," Deirdre shook her head. "Why?"
"That flamin' Norris and his daft ideas," Reet grumbled. "That post office gives me the least profit."
"I thought all the profit went directly to the post office," Deirdre pointed out.
"Exactly!" Reet exclaimed. "And if that little weasel knew owt about business like he's so often claiming to do, he'd have known that before suggesting it. If I still weren't suffering t'effects of the carbon monoxide, I'd never have agreed to his daft schemes ruining me shop. So what can I do for yer?"
"Got an ear I can bend?" Deirdre asked.
"Yer mother or daughter?" Reet wondered.
"Both," Deirdre told her.
"Feel free," Reet said. "Helps pass the time anyway till closing and yer get Ken's tea."

At the former Harris house, Angela's dad Keith was showing off his taxidermy to a bored Craig and Rosie. "And this is my pride and joy," he was rambling on. "An ant. Not many people can stuff an ant."
"Not many people'd want to," Rosie mumbled making Craig giggle.
"I wonder what I can stuff next?" Keith went on, not hearing that comment.

The butcher's was quiet too. "Not easy being open when people are at work," Fred complained to Ashley. "I wonder what happened to Boris? I hope I didn't slaughter him and sell him as pork chops by mistake."
Ashley rolled his eyes. "Now you know he's gone caravanning with his nan in Bridlington for however long it takes for the writers to remember he's a cast member."
"Aye, you're right there," he nodded. "I say you're right there. They seem to have some form of dementia that lot."

Gail was in her kitchen with Phil looming over her as she made a cup of tea, since he had successfully persuaded her to remain friends. She turned round holding his cup and it spilt over his trousers. "I'm so sorry," she said, grabbing a teatowel and looking at his navel.
"It's fine," he assured, taking the towel and drying himself off. "You seem a little stressed. "Fancy a foot rub?"
She looked up at him and her face contorted. "Ow!"
"What's up?" he asked.
"You are," she replied through the pain. "My neck's locked. Couldn't they have cast someone not as big as the Eiffel Tower to be my next love interest?"

The chippy was lovely and warm compared to the freezing cold outside. No customers apart from Chesney and Sophie had come in all day so Yana and Cilla ate the wares to relieve the boredom.
"Not long now till you finally snare Les," Yana said with a mouthful of cod.
"I know," Cilla grinned, dipping into the pickled eggs. "I've never met such a mug."
"Pity he hasn't got a penny to his name," Yana unhelpfully pointed out. "You'll get bugger all in the divorce."
Cilla grimaced. "Did you have to remind me, eh?" She grabbed a pie and chomped on that in disgust.

Over at the Rovers it too was fairly quiet but would be really for mid-afternoon. "Another scotch please, Bev," Mike ordered.
"Not working today?" she asked as she refilled his glass.
"Not if I can help it," he grinned. "That's what I have Danny and Adam for. Cheers." He raised the glass to his lips when suddenly there was an enormous explosion. "What the hell was that?" he squinted as the windows shattered. He downed his drink quickly then followed everyone outside. "What the..." he began as he surveyed the rubble that used to be Rosamund Street, Victoria Street and the other side of the road. His heart nearly stopped when he saw the factory and Kabin. He rushed over the road.
At that moment Penny crawled out of the rubble, blood pouring from her head and other wounds. "Mike!" she called joyfully.
"Reet!" Mike cried, racing to the remains of the Kabin.
"Mike!" Penny gasped in disappointment weakly as she breathed her last watching him trying to dig Reet out.
"Reet!" he cried again. "Reet! Oh, Reet. Don't be dead. Please God, don't let her be dead."

Meanwhile the police, ambulance and fire brigade turned up in double-quick time as usual. The explosion had reopened the viaduct so they could speed through there. The crowd continued watching as the rescue began. Norris turned the corner from Rosamund Street was shocked at the sight awaiting him. "What's happened? Where's The Kabin gone?"
"Up in smoke like everything else," Les lamented, wondering what had happened to Cilla. The police moved everyone back and cordoned off Rosamund Street from the corner of the Rovers under much protesting.
"We live in Coronation Street," Emily pressed.
"Can't help that, love," replied the patronising copper who would much rather be catching speeding motorists than do any real work. "The houses on the other side might go up next."
"Where are we going to sleep tonight?" Ken asked urgently.
"Good question, Kenneth," Blanche added. "Finally a sensible one for an intelligent man."
"Mother!" Deirdre gasped in frustration.
"Search me," the copper shrugged totally disinterested in their plight as he counted the hours till the shift was over.
Mike appeared, roughly manhandled by another copper and shoved into the throng. "I'll have you for that!" he yelled. "Oh, Reet," he wailed.
Norris's nose twitched. "Reet?"
"She's under The Kabin," Mike sniffed, trying to be manly.
"You mean she's dead?" Norris asked.
"No idea," Mike shrugged. "It's possible.
"I could have been with her," Deirdre mused. "I only left the shop a minute before everything exploded."
"You were very lucky," Ken said, putting his arm around his wife.
"Pity the same can't be said for Reet," Blanche noted. They all glared at her. "What? I'm only saying what everyone else is thinking. Oh, I'm not going to stand here all day. I need the toilet and the cold plays havoc with my bladder."
"It's most inconvenient I must say," Norris grumbled. "She only agreed to let me have a partnership a few weeks ago and now my share is a pile of rubble. And I know she hasn't left me the remaining share in her will because she told me. What am I going to do now?"
Mike hit him. "That one's for Reet! I know if she was here she'd have done it herself."
Norris rubbed his head. "I don't think that was a very nice thing to do," he moaned. "It's all right for you. You have insurance and money in the bank. What have I got? I told her she should have sold me the business but would she listen? Of course not. She never did."
Mike hit him again but harder. "She's not dead yet!"
"Might as well be for all the future I've got now with no income," Norris contined.
Ken held Mike back before blood was spilt. "He's not worth it." Mike nodded solemnly as they all watched the rescuers.

To be continued....

[RitaLittlewood]

Part Two

Morning arrived and the list of dead had grown. Keith Appleyard, Craig Harris, Rosie Webster, Sally Webster, Sarah Platt, Liz McDonald, Diggory Compton, Molly Compton, Claire Peacock, Lloyd Bowen/Mullaney/whatever the writers decided he was called that day, the non-identical pointless one-joke twins Jessie and Joanne, Kelly Crabtree, Janice Battersby, Penny King, Frankie Baldwin, Warren Baldwin, Danny Baldwin, Cilla Brown, Yana Lumb, Ronnie Clayton, Violet Wilson, Phil Nail, Charlie Stubbs, Jason Grimshaw and Adam Baldwin. Tracy Barlow had been severely disfigured in the blast and needed extensive reconstructive surgery on her face and body so had been moved to a specialist hospital for the forseeable future. Most in buildings which exploded escaped with minor injuries but Reet was critical in intensive care. Mike never left her side and was still there four days later.
Ken walked in. "Mike."
"Hello, Ken," he said quietly.
"I would have come sooner only I was told you'd left instructions for no other visitors," Ken explained.
"I didn't want people coming and going fussing over her when there's nothing anyone can do," he replied. "Have they found out what caused it yet?"
"Gas explosion," Ken told him. "It seems unlike my side of the street, when they decided to copy EastEnders, the gas pipes were connected to the new buildings. All that is just wasteground now."
"Things can be replaced," Mike sniffed. "People can't."
"How's she doing?" Ken asked, sitting in the chair beside him.
"Not good," he replied, a tear gently rolling down his face. "I never realised how much she meant to me until I saw that rubble. She could die before I ever get to tell her how much I love her."
Ken put his hand on Mike's shoulder. "You're really going through it at the moment, what with Danny, Frankie, Jamie, Adam, Penny and now Reet."
Mike looked at him. "Danny, Frankie, Jamie and Adam?"
Ken felt uncomfortable. "Didn't you know? They all died." He noticed the silence. "You didn't ask about Penny."
"I don't care about Penny," he said honestly. "I never did really. As for Danny and Jamie. Well, no great loss. Since I've been here my mind is clearer than it has been for over eighteen months. All that memory loss I was suffering. Danny's not my son or nephew or anything because I haven't got a brother and never have had one. No idea why they had me thinking he was. I never had an affair with a Viv Baldwin, my supposed sister-in-law because I never had a brother for her to be married to. First time I clapped eyes on her was when the fictional brother died. I don't know what the game was but I'll find out. As for Adam, well I know he was also your grandson, Ken, but considering Susan had that abortion I don't know what's going on there either. I'm awaiting the results of some blood tests now so hopefully that will tell me why I was believing all that rubbish. No. Reet's all I care about. She's real. Not imaginary. I don't know what I'll do if she dies and leaves me forever."
Ken nodded solemly. "You're right about Adam. Just something else to give us both something to do and argue over. I'll leave you to it."
"Thanks, Ken," he nodded weakly then turned his attention back to his critically injured beloved.

Three weeks later all the rubble had been cleared and discussions ongoing as to what to replace the homes and businesses with. Funerals had been going on all the while Reet still lay in a coma, Mike never leaving her side. Reet was relishing this. Her dream of appearing in numerous episodes without saying a word was a terrific ego boost as her pound per word quota remained in the thousands, and was determined to milk it as long as she could.
"Oh, Reet," he sobbed, clutching her hand. "Please wake up. I love you and want you. Course, chances are even when you do wake up, you won't feel the same about me. But that doesn't matter. All that does is you waking up. I don't want you to die, sweetheart. I'll kill myself if you do. I won't be able to live without you." He buried his head in the blanket still wailing. It shot up when his hand felt a gentle squeeze. "Reet?" He stared through the tears and saw movement in her hand. He broke into an enormous grin as he stood and leant over her, determined his was the first face she saw when she came round. Her eyes slowly flickered open. He couldn't contain his joy. "Oh, Reet," he cried before removing the tube and kissed her on the lips. She closed her eyes again and he began to panic. "Reet? Reet, sweetheart?" They opened again and she smiled at him. He couldn't stop himself kissing her again.
"Pleased to see me, eh?" she said softly.
"You'll never know how much," he smiled back, tears of joy streaming down his face. "I thought I'd lost you."
"Can I have some water please?" she asked.
"Anything, sweetheart," he beamed and got her some.
"Thanks," she said after he took the glass away. "How long have you been here?"
"Nearly four weeks since they dug you out," he told her.
"I didn't realise you cared that much about me," she remarked sceptically.
"Neither did I," he confessed. "After the explosion and I saw your shop in ruins, I couldn't bear the thought of you being dead. I realised I love you." He noticed her expression. "Now I know what you're going to say."
"How can yer before I've said it?" she asked.
"I know you don't feel the same and that's okay," he continued. "I can live with that as long as you're not dead."
"I bet Norris is loving every minute of this," she said. "After all, he's obsessed with my death and the will."
"I wouldn't know what Norris is thinking or doing and I don't care," he told her. "I stopped all visitors only Ken sneaked through."
Reet nodded gently. "Good thinking, Baldwin. After all if he'd been at my bedside I'd have lost the will to live!"
Mike held the glass to her mouth again so she could drink some more. "So would I if you'd died."
"Mike-" she began.
He put the glass down and sat back in the chair. "I know. You don't want me talking like that. But I can't help how I feel, Reet, even if it isn't reciprocated."
"Who says it's not?" she said. "I haven't."
"Well, I just assumed..." he replied, embarrassed.
She took his hand and stroked it with her thumb. "It would seem I love yer too. Now don't ask me why. It's just that when I saw yer face and yer kissed me, I just knew." She moved her hand up to his face. "Yer wouldn't fancy kissing me again, would yer?" she winked.
"It's be my pleasure, sweetheart," he grinned, leant over and they kissed passionately. "When they let you out, you're coming home with me and no arguments. I love you and want to look after you."
"What about Penny?" she asked.
Mike looked away. "Penny's dead." He returned his eyes to hers. "But I don't care. That may sound heartless but I never really did care about her. She was just someone I had feelings for over 20 years ago I took up with again to stop me being lonely. I've had a lot of time to think since I've been here with you and I realised the only reason I picked her was her hair colour. It was a subconscious thing. I even talked her into having it almost the same shade as yours instead of that washed-out red of hers. I must have wanted you a long time and never knew."
She stroked his face tenderly. "You do now and that's the important thing. But won't yer flat be a little crowded with Danny and Adam there an' all?"
He looked away again. "They're dead too. So's Frankie. Turned out I was being poisoned. That's why I was having memory lapses. Penny and Danny were in it together to have me declared incapable and take over the factory, my money and everything." He returned his gaze to her. "Up until the fire at the factory last year, I never had a brother let alone a nephew. Yet suddenly here I was an uncle who turned out to be Danny's father. Ken found evidence at Penny's house and number 7. I also had some blood tests done which found the poison. As for Adam, he never really existed in the first place since even Ken knows Susan had that abortion so is no great loss. I still haven't got to the bottom of that changing my past but I will if it's the last thing I do."
She smiled weakly at him. "I'm tired. I think I'll go to sleep."
"Sleep? But you've been asleep for weeks, sleeping beauty," he joked.
She chuckled. "It's very exhausting just lying here doing nowt. I'll be off weeks to recover. Why don't yer go home and get some sleep yerself? Yer look exhausted."
He nodded. "I think I will. But I'll be back later. You can count on it. Make sure you still love me if nothing else."
"Give us a kiss and get going," she beamed. He did as ordered, not that he needed any encouragement, then left. Reet closed her eyes, sighed heavily at the thought of her pound per word quota reduced greatly and went back to sleep.

Meanwhile the following day Gail, who had moved in with Audrey along with David and Bethany, was wailing about her miserable life. "I must be a jinx, mam," she was lamenting. "So many people I love end up dead."
"That was very tragic what happened to little Sarah," Audrey replied sadly. "But you can't blame yourself for that."
Gail looked directly at her mother. "I wasn't talking about Sarah. I was talking about my love life. Or rather, lack of it. Is it too late to become a nun?"
Audrey was shocked but said nothing, just comforted her daughter.

To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part Three

Word had spread via Martin Platt as a leaving present that Reet had come out of her coma and was going to be fine. Norris immediately went to see her to find out about the shop. "How are you feeling today?" he asked.
"Well, I'm still alive," she remarked. "And yer still not getting the shop in me will."
"I wasn't even thinking about that, Reet," he replied shocked. "How could you think such a thing?"
"I'm sorry," she replied, feeling very foolish.
"So you should be," he chastised, enjoying the moment. "After all, who wants to be left an inheritance consisting of nothing but rubble?"
Reet's eyes widened. "I see," she breathed, trying to not lose her temper as she was still to weak to wallop him. "So yer get me to apologise for getting wrong end of t'stick when I didn't after all. Yer on dangerous ground, peasant!"
"You seem more annnoyed at what I said than the fact there's no Kabin any more," he observed.
"Stuff the shop," she exclaimed.
"You can't mean that," he replied.
"I most certainly do," she nodded.
"But what am I going to live on?" he gasped.
"Not my concern," she shrugged. "Get yerself another job. After all, yer convinced firms'll snap yer up. In't that how yer conned me into giving yer a share in t'first place?"
"I did not con you!" he defended.
"Course yer did," she laughed. "And yer were feeling so chuffed with yerself yer never even noticed the dip in what yer took home every week. Yer should've known better than to try and con the conner, peasant."
Mike arrived in the ward Reet had been moved to and could see she wasn't enjoying Norris's visit. "Afternoon, Reet. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Not at all," she beamed, eyes twinkling. "I'm delighted to see yer. Norris were just going."
"No, I wasn't," he replied. "This is the first time I've been able to visit you since the accident." He glanced at Mike. "No thanks to him."
Reet rolled her eyes. "And I'm very pleased Mike banned all visitors. He were right to do it. Goodbye, Norris."
"But, Reet, I-" he stammered.
"Clear off, peasant!" she ordered. "And don't come back unless yer've heard about the insurance."
"I had all your mail redirected to my flat, Reet," Mike told her.
"Really?" she asked. "Oh, well in that case, don't come back at all, moron, since yer've got no excuses to unless it's to talk about me and not yer selfishness."
"Selfishness?" he mocked. "I like that after the way you won't even discuss The Kabin and are more than happy for me to be broke."
"I nearly died, peasant," she pointed out. "Got far more important things to talk about than yer rent and bricks and mortar. Now, if yer've not gone in the next five seconds, I'll get the nurse to call security and have yer banned from the hospital."
Norris was not happy, but what was new? He looked from one to the other. "All right," he sighed. "I'm going. Just don't expect me to buy you any more flowers."
"Yer can keep yer rotten cheap weeds," she said firmly.
"Can't afford anything else at the moment, no thanks to you," he remarked.
"I won't tell yer again," she said, eyes narrowed and reaching for the button. "One press and a nurse comes." He said nothing, just growled then left. "Thank goodness for that. I thought we'd never be alone."
Mike kissed her tenderly, sat down and took her hand. "I did wonder if after I told you I loved you yesterday I'd be welcome."
"What made yer think that?" she frowned.
"Well," he said, shifting uncomfortably, "you'd only just come round so I suppose it wasn't exactly the greatest timing to tell you how I feel."
"Listen, Baldwin," she said firmly, "since the writers have decided I'd spent long enough appearing and getting my full episode total for saying nowt, I suppose it's the ideal time. Certainly gave me summat to think about."
"Do you still love me?" he asked, terrifed of the answer.
"I most certainly do," she grinned. "I must admit, I did wonder if yer were ever coming today. I thought maybe yer'd realised yer'd not loved me after all and were afraid to tell me."
"Nothing could keep me away, sweetheart," he assured. "I meant to be here earlier but I must have been really tired after all these weeks when I hardly slept a wink, scared you would die."
"Feel better for it?" she said.
He shook his head. "I'll feel better when they let you home. Any idea when that'll be?"
"Home," she said melancholically. "I used to have one of them."
"You still do," he told her. "With me."
She smiled. "Yes. And I can't wait to get out of here and move in with you. But they said they want to keep me in a few more days for observation. Can you put up with coming all this way and back until then?"
"I can put up with anything as long as I have you in the end," he grinned. "I love you so much, Reet."
"I love yer too, Baldwin," she grinned back. "Now, give us a kiss, yer daft beggar."

Over at the Barlows they were worrying about Tracy's horrific injuries. "She's so far away, Ken," Deirdre said. "And we haven't been written to even visit her yet. I do hope she doesn't reckon we don't care."
"I'm sure she'll realise why we haven't been, Deirdre," Ken replied.
"She's so self-obsessed," Blance began, "she probably won't even notice, caring only that she can still grin all the time."
There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it," Deirdre said. She opened the door. "Tracy!"
"Hiya, mam," Tracy smiled.
Ken and Blanche joined Deirdre. "It can't be," Ken gasped.
"What's going on?" Blanche added.
"What's up?" Tracy wondered.
"It's you," Deirdre said.
"Course it's me," Tracy chuckled nervously.
"No," Deirdre went on. "It's the you that went to London and married Robert."
"Er, yes," Tracy replied warily.
"Before you came back home after leaving him," Ken said.
"I haven't left Robert," Tracy laughed. "And I'm still living in London with him. They brought me back because they realised they'd made a huge mistake recasting me. I was far more popular and could act. So they've changed all our history so the past three years never happened to have it that the other was an imposter who stole my identity and everyone was hypnotised in the green room into believing I had a new head which grinned all the time."
"So there's no Amy?" Deirdre said, still in shock.
"Amy?" Tracy frowned.
"Your daughter with Steve McDonald," Blanche explained.
"I haven't got a daughter, gran," Tracy replied. "Steve MacDonald? Now why would I sleep with him? I don't even fancy him."
"But your obsession since you were a teenager with him," Deirdre added.
"Don't be daft, mam," Tracy said. "That was a teenage crush and over a long time before I even met Robert. What have they been making up about me since I left six years ago? Can I come in, or do I have to freeze on the doorstep all day?"
"You wouldn't believe it," Ken told her.
"Well, you'd better fill me in before they make you all forget what happened," Tracy said as she walked into the house.

Over at the Red Rec, Roy and Hayley came to a decision. "We have no choice," Roy was rambling away. "Ever since they decided to bring back Tracy Barlow, we've become boring and a lot of people have stopped liking us. We have to leave Weatherfield."
"It won't be easy starting again in a new place though, Roy," Hayley confessed. "Where can we go?"
"I hear Emmerdale doesn't underuse characters and make them boring," he replied. "They have a factory where you could work and I'm sure I will find something. So are we agreed, Hayley? We leave Weatherfield as soon as possible?"
Hayley paused for a moment before nodding. "The sooner the better. Get better lines there too. That's if they'll take us. What if they don't?"
"Then we'll try EastEnders," he said. "Don't worry. We'll get back to the way we were somehow."


To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part Four

Evening in the Rovers and the place was fairly quiet. No surprise since half the cast was dead. "Hotpot lovey?" Betty asked Norris as he stood at the bar looking miserable.
"It's gone six," he pointed out.
"Well, that's my catchphrase," Betty retorted. "It will look pretty daft if I don't say it at least once in every episode I'm in."
"I suppose you have a point," Norris sighed.
"What's up with you tonight?" she asked.
"I've been to see Reet," he explained. "Not that she was the least bit grateful."
"That's Reet all over," Betty shrugged. "How is she?"
"Selfish," was all he'd say.
"Right," Betty sniffed. "That it? Or shall I go and serve someone else?"
"At least you have work to do," he sighed again. "Reet doesn't care if I never do again."
"Are you still going on about that, Norris?" a voice said behind him.
"I've hardly mentioned it, Emily," he said.
"No, and you've hardly mentioned it for almost four weeks either," Emily countered. "Sweet sherry please, Betty."
"A double?" Betty asked.
Emily looked at Norris. "Better make it a treble since it looks like he'll be whining again all night."
The door opened and a familiar old character walked in. "Betty!"
Betty put Emily's glass on the bar. "Oh 'eck," she mumbled. "Not again."
Everyone turned to see the returnee. "Clear off, Bet!" they chorused. "We're not that desperate!" Bet's face fell and she left just as a couple of other old faces came through the doors.
Betty smiled. "It's Mark Redman, in't it? And Linda Baldwin?"
"That's right," Mark replied. "I'm surprised you remembered us."
"How could we forget?" Betty said.
"Easily with the writers we have at the moment," Norris snorted. "Look at the way they had me married to and divorced from Angela before we'd even met."
Betty ignored him. "What are you doing here, lovely?"
"We read what happened to the street in the papers and decided to come and see how dad was," he explained.
"Mike okay, is he?" Linda said.
"He's fine, lovey," Betty replied. "Although I'm sure you'll both have seen the factory isn't."
"We did," Mark said. "Were there many dead?"
"Almost half the cast," Betty told them. "We're going down to three episodes a week from New Year."
"About time," Vera butted in. "They work us like dogs. Maybe now we'll all get some decent storylines and writing."
"You're not wrong there, my little swampduck," Jack added. "Far too many of us are criminally underused, especially when you're over 60."
"Dad at home then?" Mark asked.
"Either that or the hospital with Reet," Norris moaned. "He's taken control of her and wouldn't even allow her to have visitors when she was in a coma."
"I liked Reet," Linda said. "Is she okay too?"
"Depends what you mean by okay," Norris grumbled. "If you mean, is she awake and back to her usual selfish self, then yes."
"Thanks, Betty," Mark said, ignoring Norris. "We'll go and see if he's in. See you later."
"Yeah, see yer," Linda said then they left.

Mike returned home from the hospital and was counting the days until his beloved moved in. He had a lot to do, he reasoned, clearing out everyone else's things and even redecorating with new furniture for the love of his life. He pulled up in the car park at Weatherfield Quays and turned off the engine. "I know," he mumbled to himself. "I'll move! After all, I don't want Reet to be anywhere Pointless Penny has contaminated." He checked his watch. "Damn. Estate agents closed for the day. I'll have a look tomorrow. Should be all moved in the day after since everyone in soaps finds a new place to live as quick as work." He got out of the car and walked to the entrance, his heart nearly stopping when he spotted his son and ex-wife on the doorstep. "What do you two want?" he squinted.
"To see if you were okay," Mark replied.
"Or to see what you got in the will," Mike snorted. "Now I know how Reet feels with that Norris."
"How is Reet?" Linda asked. "I did ask in the pub but Norris wasn't very helpful."
"Nothing new," Mike said. "How she puts up with him I'll never know. That woman is a saint. She's fine. Still in hospital but doing very well. And so am I. I wasn't hurt, aren't going to die just yet and you're still out of the will. Now if that's all, you can both clear off. I have things to do." With that he let himself in and went up to his flat.
"Well," Linda said, "at least he spoke to us. More than I was expecting."
"He'll come round given time," Mark replied. "Come on. Let's go back to the hotel and try again tomorrow."

Three days later Reet was discharged from hospital. Mike went to collect her. "All set?" She nodded as he helped her stand. "Lean on me, sweetheart."
"So it's back to yer flat then?" she said.
"Yep," he grinned. "Only I have a little surprise for you."
"What surprise?" she frowned as they walked out of the ward.
"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now, would it?" he told her.
"I hope it's a good one then, that's all I can say," she replied, getting into the lift. "But what about me clothes? Everything except what I stood up in were destroyed in the blast. And even that's gone now. It's all very well borrowing summat of Betty's but it in't really me style and fits where it touches."
"Don't you worry your gorgeous head about all that, sweetheart," he assured as they exited the lift. "Emily's found you a few things in the bundles she was given after the explosion and I've bought you a new dressing gown and nightie."
"Oh, marvellous(!) she said sarcastically. "I've gone from being a woman of means to a charity case in a second."
"Never mind all that, sweetheart," he said. "You need to get your strength back. That's your priority. When you feel up to it, I'll take you shopping."
"What about Norris?" she wondered. "Bad enough he harrassed me in hospital when I were to weak to do owt about it. But what's to stop him at the flat?"
"That's the surprise!" Mike grinned mysteriously as he helped her into the car. He went round the front and got in the driver's seat. "No one will bother you. That's a promise. It'll be just you and me for the duration. Think you can put up with that?"
"I'm sure I'll just about be able to stand it," she winked.
He leant across and kissed her. "Home," he grinned as he started the engine. The drove for about quarter of an hour before pulling up outside a block of luxury flats.
"What's this?" she asked, confused. "This in't yer flat."
"It is now, sweetheart," he grinned again. "I just moved here."
"Why?" she wondered.
"Because it's a new start for both of us," he explained. "And the last thing I wanted to do was take you back to where that poisonous, devious, lying bitch had lived. Only the people that matter know my new address so Norris won't be pestering you. It has three bedrooms so you can take your pick of where you want to sleep."
"You mean, you're not expecting me to jump into bed with yer as soon as I walk through the door?" she asked.
He shook his head. "I love you, Reet. But I'm not going to rush anything or take advantage in your condition. For once in my life I'm going to be the perfect gentleman."
She was touched he thought so highly of her to sacrifice a leg over. "Might as well start as we mean to go on," she replied coyly. "Only no funny business."
He put his hand on his heart. "You have my word on that, sweetheart. I'll settle for just snuggling up to you at night until you feel like taking it a stage further."
"Flippin' 'eck!" she exclaimed. "They given yer a personality transplant or summat, Baldwin?"
"I sincerely hope not!" he laughed. "Perhaps it's just the influence you have on me making me a new man. Shall we go in?"
"Why not?" she beamed. "After all, can't stay in the car all day."
He helped her out of the car and up to the flat. "You sit there, sweetheart," he told her, indicating a plush sofa. "Or would you rather go straight to bed." She glared at him. "Alone, I meant."
"I were beginning to worry that yer perfect gentleman act had come to an end," she said. "I'll just sit here for a while and have a cuppa and a cuddle."
"Your wish is my command, sweetheart," he grinned.

To be continued...

[RitaLittlewood]

Part Five

Christmas arrived. It had been decided to build a memorial garden in place of the medical centre in Rosamund Street and builder's, café, butcher's, bakery in Victoria Street with the roads pedestrianised, while the remains of Coronation Street and the Streetcars side of Rosamund Street would house a brand new sparkly community centre. No more businesses and flats there, the writers decided. People would have to be like in the real world and travel to work and home. Meanwhile at Mike's, Reet and Mike had been getting cosier as she got better. Reet had ventured out to the shops and had more black trousers surgically attached to replace the ones the hospital staff removed after the explosion. But until that time they still kept themselves to themselves and she recovered much more speedily without Norris giving her relapses. She'd decided it was time to start facing people, especially Norris, and had invited him and Emily round for Christmas dinner. It was morning and Reet was fast asleep in bed. Mike entered the room carrying a tray with a little wrapped present on it. He placed the tray on the dressing table then crossed to the bed, leaning over and kissing his beloved. "Happy Christmas, sweetheart."
"Happy Christmas, darling," she cooed back, lovingly stroking his face. "What time is it?"
He glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Just gone eight."
"Yer up early," she noted, pushing herself up.
"That's cos I wanted to surprise you," he schmoozed then fetched the tray and put it over her legs before getting back into bed. "Like it?"
"Come here," she said, grabbing his lapels and kissing him passionately. "What's this?" she asked, pointing to the present.
"Open it and see," he told her, biting into a slice of toast. "It's one of your presents."
"One?" she raised an eyebrow. "How many have yer got me?"
"Never you mind," he tapped her nose playfully then watched her pick up the box and open it to reveal a ring. "Will you marry me, sweetheart?"
"Oh, Mike," she said completely stunned, a tear rolling down her face. "Course I will." They threw their arms around each other kissing passionately, the tray sent crashing to the floor.

Over at the Barlows, it was an interesting Christmas. An unexpected visitor had turned up the night before: Peter Barlow. "I'm surprised I haven't been forced to suffer that so-called sofa now another errant child has returned," Blanche was moaning over breakfast. "Especially with my hip."
"Mother!" Deirdre exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
"You don't have to worry, Blanche," Peter told her. "I'm only making a brief guest appearance. I'll be gone soon."
"How soon?" Blanche asked impatiently.
"Very," was all he'd say. "I need to see Shelley while I'm here. She still about?"
"Not for much longer either," Ken said.
"I'd better get a move on then," Peter remarked then left.
The door opened and Tracy and Robert sat down at the table. "Morning," Tracy greeted. "Got a Christmas present for you all. I'm pregnant. You're going to be grandparents."
"Oh how wonderful," Blanche said, something at last putting a smile on her face. "I'm going to be a great-grandmother at last."

Peter went to the back door of the Rovers and knocked. Shelley eventually opened it. "Peter! What are you doing here?"
"Hello, Shell," he smiled. "I'm back briefly and just had to come and see you. How have you been?"
"Fine," she smiled. "Come in."
He followed her through to the back room. "This place hasn't changed much I see."
"Never does," she remarked.
"I have, Shell," he said earnestly. "I want us to start again."
"Oh, Peter," she replied. "I'm afraid you're too late. I was going to leave in June but asked if I could go sooner. I'll be out of here today."
"Is there someone else?" he warily asked.
"There is," a voice said behind him.
Peter turned to see Mark Redman standing there in his festive boxer shorts. "I see."
"I'm so sorry, Peter," Shelly said. "Me and Mark have had a whirlwind romance to write me out. His last episode is today and I'm going with him."
"Oh," Peter said quietly. "I hope you'll both be very happy, Shell. Goodbye." He left and bumped into Linda Baldwin in the ginnell. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," she flirted. "Peter Barlow, innit?"
"Linda Baldwin of all people," he replied, surprised. "What you doing here?"
"I came back with Mark several weeks ago hoping to see Mike," she explained. "We managed to see him once. Been avoiding us ever since. But right now I'm looking for Mark. He said he was going to the Rovers last night and that's the last I heard of him. So I'm going to ask Shelley if she knows where he went afterwards."
"Good luck," he said then went to wait round the corner.
Linda went up to the back door and knocked. She was shocked when Mark answered the door. "Mark!"
"Hello, Linda," he said nonchalantly.
"What you doing here?" she asked.
"I'm helping Shelley pack," he said. "We're leaving this afternoon. Bye." He shut the door in her face.
She couldn't believe after everything he could be so cruel and heartless and decided to return to the hotel and leave herself. She bumped into Peter again. "You knew, didn't you?" He nodded. "Why didn't yer say summat?"
"Would you have believed me?" he asked.
"No," she said frankly. "But he always were a spineless waste of space. Should've got together with you years ago."
"Not too late," he grinned.
"Let's go then," she grinned back.

Reet and Mike tore themselves away from the bedroom long enough to prepare the dinner and welcome their guests, even though while Emily was, Norris wasn't really but they came as a package and Reet didn't want to inflict Norris's moaning on her friend if he wasn't invited.
"What a lovely ring," Emily observed. "Are you..."
"Getting married?" Mike grinned, putting his arm around Reet. "Yep."
"Congratualtions to you both," Emily said.
"Congratulations," Norris added flatly.
"Well don't be too enthusiastic, will yer, peasant?" Reet snapped. "As this seems to be a day of announcements, I've got one for yer, Norris."
"For me?" he wondered.
"I knew that would get yer attention," Reet remarked. "Yes. For yer. I'm retiring. The Kabin will be no more but history in repeats, DVDs and books as well as another fat insurance cheque."
"You're not serious," he snorted. "The Kabin is your life, Reet. You can't retire. What will you do without me to slave for you, order around and assault on a daily basis?"
"The Kabin were only me life, idiot," she growled, eyes narrowed, "since I had nowt else to fill it. After all me break-ins, useless post office and now it blowing up, I've finally taken the hint I should get out of business for good. Besides, I have Mike now to fill me days. His contract's up in October so unless he signs a new one, I'm going with him when he leaves."
"But, Reet," Norris spluttered. "That's no reason to retire. You could start again elsewhere and sell it to me if you go with Mike next year."
"I'm not selling owt to yer, peasant," she growled again. "The Kabin is the past. Len bought it for me to manage. Alan made changes which had me falling out with Mavis on more than one occasion. I were going to sell it to Derek and Mavis and move to Florida to retire after marrying Ted only I had to back out of that after he told me he were dying. I gave it to Sharon so I could try and retire again and look at the way she stabbed me in t'back, forcing me to buy it back off her. And let's not forget I nearly died in that flat they took away which resulted in me losing me marbles and sleeping with Gilroy. Being almost crushed to death two months ago were the last straw. No more shop. No more stress, upset, bother, tax returns, business rates eating into me profits. From now on I'm retired and will be a housewife."
"Typical," Norris snapped. "All about you as usual. Still, I shouldn't have expected anything else from you, should I, Reet?"
"What's this?" Reet asked, eyes widened. "The peasant revolting? Shut yer face and lump it. It's my shop-"
"Part mine," he interruped.
"A minor part," she pressed. "So entirely my decision. I'll give yer yer share of t'insurance and compensation if that'll stop yer bleating."
"How much?" he asked.
"And yer call me money-grabbing!" she screeched. "All in all, should be about five hundred."
"Is that all?" he said, completely deflated.
"Don't be too hasty, sweetheart," Mike said. "Did he actually pay you for his share? Or did you just hand it over?"
"Now wait a minute-" Norris blustered.
"That's a good point, Baldwin," she realised. "No, he never did. He said he couldn't afford it at t'moment and would pay me in installments. But he never handed over one penny. Yer thought yer had me there, didn't yer, peasant? I admit, yer very nearly did. Yer were willing to let me cough up for money yer'd never paid. Looks like I made the right decision retiring and not restarting the business. Get out! Yer not welcome here!"
"I wouldn't want to be," Norris said angrily. "You'd probably poison me with the meal."
"Don't tempt me, moron!" she yelled.
"Are you coming, Emily?" he asked, looking pleadingly at her.
"Well, I..." Emily hesitated, unsure what to do.
"It's okay, Emily," Reet assured. "You go if you want to. We understand. He's spoiled the day now anyway."
"I'm very sorry," Emily said.
"Don't apologise to her, Emily," Norris spat. "She should be the one apologising to us. And especially to me."
"What the heck for?" Reet screeched. "Okay, Norris. I'm very sorry-"
"That's more like it," he grinned smugly.
"Yer never let me finish," she interrupted. "I were going to say, I'm very sorry yer a fully paid-up, card-carrying moron. That wiped that irritating smirk off yer mug, didn't it? Now get out of me flat!"
"I thought it was Mike's" he said.
"It belongs to both of us," Mike told him. "Now, you heard the lady."
"Lady?" Norris scoffed. "Since when?"
"Out!" Mike ordered, grabbing him and pushing him towards the door.
"I'm going," Norris said. Mike released him and opened the door. "Come on, Emily. We'll not stay where we're not wanted."
"Emily is, but yer never will be!" Reet yelled after him.
"I'm very sorry about all of this," Emily told them.
"Not to worry, Emily," Reet said. "We all know what he's like. See you soon."
Emily nodded. "And congratualtions once again on your forthcoming nuptials."
"Thanks, Emily," Mike smiled. "Look after yourself."
"I will," Emily replied.
"And try not to kill Norris. In't easy, I know," Reet chuckled.
"Oh, that's something I certainly do know," she laughed. "Goodbye and Merry Christmas."

Outside Norris waited for Emily. "Mike probably put her up to that. She'll come round."
"What makes you so sure?" Emily asked.
"Because, Emily," he sighed, "she would never have behaved that way before. Granted she could be a right cow at times. But it's his influence that's made her want nothing to do with the shop any more."
"It is quite possible she came to her own decision about that," she said.
"No, I don't think so," he shook his head. "He clearly wants her under his thumb and he's persuaded her somehow. After all, why else would he keep all her friends away from her while she was in hospital then not tell anyone where she was after if it wasn't to work on her? Then there's stopping her paying me what I'm owed. He wants all her money too. You mark my words."
Emily rolled her eyes at his latest daft idea but said nothing as they left the building.

Back inside the flat, Reet and Mike stood by the window making sure Norris was actually leaving. "You okay, sweetheart?" Mike asked.
"Hmm," she nodded. "Little runt. I shouldn't have expected owt else from him after all these years. Come here, Baldwin." They put their arms around each other. "Yer know, I just realised yer haven't opened yer present yet."
"Oh no," he remembered. "I haven't, have I?. What is it?"
"Me," she beamed, winking.
"I can't think of a nicer present," he grinned, eyes twinkling.

Mike and Reet were married in double-quick time as in all soaps these days on New Year's Eve. Norris still grumbled at his lack of money and employment with Emily on the verge of kicking him out. Suffice to say, he wasn't invited to the wedding but he pretended he didn't care, when in reality he was flustered since as soon as they were married he wouldn't be able to break what he convinced himself was Mike's influence on his former boss. Everyone carried on with their lives as normal and as spoilers were discontinued at the same time episodes were reduced, ratings soared to an average 22 million again.

The End

Patsy

[pearly queen]

In the first installment and last Reet and Mike seem to be grinning nearly as much as another Certain Person!! Grin fever has taken over!!

It's bizzare that in this story the way you expose the continuity errors/omissions/glaring bald-faced lies by the script-writers makes it seem surreal and dream-like and the made-up stuff comes across as totally realistic.

[RitaLittlewood]

LOL! I hasn't noticed that about the grinning, Pearly. Mike does grin a lot though but thankfully not when uttering every word.

It was a bit rushed as it neared the end because I wanted to get it finished before Les and Cilla's 'wedding', so I'm not at all happy with that. There was so much I wanted to add but didn't have time. I told Maureen O'Brien about that last weekend when she had a writers club to discuss her books and writing in general (only 6 of us went) and she said, "You're worse than me. I've only blown up a house!" LOL!

Jez wasn't happy I killed off Sally or what I did to Tracy Barlow. But that mistake had to be corrected, didn't it?

Patsy

[pearly queen]

That's what fan fic is all about! You can do what you want with all your favourite or least favourite characters and vent some frustrations in that way.
Some people put a piece of paper with a person's name on it into the knife drawer; other people kill off characters violently on the internet. Each to his own!

.

[RitaLittlewood]

LOL! That's true, Pearly. And a lot I've read has been better than the actual thing they're writing about.

I better warn you I'm doing another one. Been at it since last Tuesday and am nowhere near finished! I'm expanding on the ideas I originally wrote in Mike Baldwin's Secret only it's getting longer and longer and longer. It definitely has an ending. I wrote that last week. But it's going to be so long I won't blame anyone for not reading it. Well not unless they've got insomnia anyway, LOL!

Patsy