Reet Heat

[RitaLittlewood]

This was originally written 3 years ago when it was said Steve would have a one-night stand because she thought Karen and Joe were at it in Birmingham. Don;t read if you don't have a strong disposition. LOL!

Part 1

Weatherfield, Manchester and Steve and Karen McDonald were still warring over Steve's insistance she'd slept with Joe Carter when she hadn't. He was in his flat admiring himself in the mirror and exercising his eyebrows. "Two can play at that game," he said to his reflection doing his best Ken Barlow impression with those eyebrows. "But who shall it be? What woman will be mug enough to fall for my irrestible charms
without realising I'm only shagging her to rub Karen's stuck-up nose in it?" He decided to first go to the Rovers to check out any new talent, then into town if he couldn't find anyone. He carefully combed his chest hair, spritzed it so it would stay in place but still be manageable for his victim to run her fingers through it, grabbed his jacket and left.

Steve walked into the pub, which was surprisingly packed with almost every cast member for a change. He spotted Karen in the corner with Joe having a business meeting which made him more determined. He cast his eyes around the pub trying to spot a dozy woman who'd fall for his manly charms after a drink or 20. Trouble was, there was so many of them he was spoilt for choice, so reasoned he'd go with someone Karen despised. His first thought was Eileen, but she was on the switch and she'd probably belt him one anyway. His options were severely limited.
Rita almost knocked into him as she waddled in showing off her new raincoat and went to the bar. Typically for her, she never even apologised or said excuse me.
"Usual?" asked Fred.
"Please," replied Reet, holding her hand out to reveal the superglued glass there which Fred promptly filled, downed in one and held her hand out for another.
"Bad day?" Fred enquired as he refilled it.
"Nope," she casually said. "Just the usual. Only I haven't had a drink for all of 10 minutes and I was beginning to get the DT's."
"Shall I just leave the bottle then?" Fred wondered. She raised an eyebrow and he put it down then went to serve someone else.
A little light went on in Steve's head. The thought of doing anything to Reet filled him with disgust but he was a man on a revenge mission. Besides, she was the only one who'd be pissed enough to do anything. But first, he had to be friendly towards her and get completely off his face himself, but not too much
otherwise he wouldn't be able to even raise a smile. He went over. "Evening, Reet," he smiled. "Can I get you a drink?"
She quickly downed hers. "Wouldn't say no," she
smiled back, waving the empty glass.
"Stick another one in there, Shelley. Make it
a triple, and I'll have a double scotch," he ordered.
"That's very generous of you, Steve," Reet told him. "But I'm not one to look a gifthorse in the mouth." Shelley brought Steve's drink which he'd drank by the time Reet's glass was filled. He ordered another double scotch which she duly got for him. "Owt wrong?" Reet asked.
"Only my wife again. Look at her over there throwing herself at that Carter," he spat then remembered what he had to do so composed himself. "Sorry, Reet. I didn't mean to moan like that."
"Understandable," she reasoned.
"How could she do it to me?" he began to force the sobs.
Reet felt for him."Oh, Steve," she said as she put her
arm around him. "Surely it's not as bad as all that."
"It is," he blubbed as Reet rubbed his back.
"Come here," she held her arms out which he duly accepted while she consoled him. He made boo-hoo sounds while grinning as he looked at Karen's reaction. "Come on, let's get you home," Reet suggested. He removed himself from her embrace, surprised at himself for finding her so cuddly and actually enjoying it and nodded solemnly as Reet led him out.
Karen was furious. "Did you see that?" she wailed at Joe.
"Forget about him," Joe said.
"How can I forget?" she screamed. "I know that look. He's after getting her into MY bed!"
"Don't be so ridiculous, Karen," Joe scoffed. "Steve wouldn't sleep with Rita. No one's that desperate.
Just forget about him and finish your drink."
Karen fell silent but didn't trust her husband for a second.

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 2

A few hours later Karen left the pub. She noticed the light in both her and Reet's flats out and began to get worried. She was itching to get over and find out what was going on, but Joe came out and stopped her. "Let me go!" she demanded.
"I've got a right to know what that rat's up to."
"And play right into his hands? You'd be a fool, Karen," he told her.
"I can't just ignore it," she yelled.
"Keep your voice down," he said looking round for signs of anyone being disturbed. "You can find out in your usual tactful way in the morning."
"But there's no lights on so they must be sleeping together," she yelled again. "He knows I can't stand
that Reet so he's doing it to get back at me for not sleeping with you."
"They could both be asleep-" he began.
"Yeah, in MY bed!" Karen interrupted.
"In their OWN beds," Joe replied. "Now go home and leave it for tonight, eh?"
Karen stamped her foot in frustration. "No!" she yelled and marched across to her flat. Joe sighed heavily then chased after her. Karen opened the door, thumped up the stairs, went straight to the bedroom and put the light on. "How could you, Steve?" she yelled to an empty room. Joe caught up with her. "Where is he?" she demanded.
"How the hell would I know?" Joe yelled back.
"Right!" she said through gritted teeth and marched straight to Reet's flat where she kept her finger on the buzzer until Reet answered.
"Where's the fire?" she shrieked.
"I'm sure you'd know more about that than I do since it's obvious Steve's been stoking your furnace," Karen spat.
"Have you been drinking?" Reet raised an eyebrow.
"I leave all that to you since you also know more about that that me," Karen replied. "Oh, get lost, Karen," Reet dismissed. "It's no wonder Steve chucked you out if you carried on like that." She slammed the door in her face and returned upstairs.
Karen was livid and started hammering on it. "I'll get you for this, you old slag!" Karen shouted. "You hear me? Keep your mummified paws off my husband or you'll be sorry!"
Joe took hold of her. "Come on, Karen. Let's go," he tried to lead her away but she resisted.
"That antique has got my Steve in there!" she screamed.
"You don't know that," Joe said. "She didn't say he was there."
"Didn't say he wasn't neither," Karen barked.
"Leave it till tomorrow or you'll have the police out. Come on," he held her again and this time she let him lead her away but it was far from over.

Meanwhile up in Reets' flat, she removed her dressing gown to reveal black leather thigh-length boots, basque and spiked collar. She picked up the whip from the bed and looked at her latest lover handcuffed to the bed. How foolish of Emma to leave them lying around, she thought. Steve grinned. "Now, where were we?" Reet asked.
"Oooh, I wish I'd known you before I met Karen," Steve grinned.
"But you did know me," Reet countered.
"You know what I mean," he told her. "I had no idea you could be like this. You always seemed prim like Emily Bishop."
"I'm always full of surprises," she winked then bent the whip in her teeth...

[RitaLittlewood]

The following morning and Reet was in the Kabin being bored by Norris as usual, while Steve was at Streetcars barely able to walk.
"What's up with you?" Eileen asked.
"Nowt. Just get on with your work and mind yer own business, Eileen," Steve ordered.
"Been in a fight with Joe?" Eileen continued.
"No," Steve snapped. "Karen?" she raised an eyebrow. He glared at her. "Well you're all stiff for some reason," she noted.
"I'm off out," he told her.
"Where you going?" she called.
"I told you to mind yer own business. See yer later," and he was gone.
Eileen shrugged and bit into an eclair.
Outside, Steve was on his mobile. "I've got to see you now," he was saying to Reet. "Leave the door on the latch and I'll come straight up."

"I should hope you will," Reet was replying to her lover. "See you in a tick." She hung up and returned to the shop. "I'm off upstairs for a bit, Norris," she casually told her irritating assistant.
"A bit of what?" he asked.
"Er...a lie down," she managed to get out. "Didn't get much sleep last night.. Tossing most of the
night."
"Don't you mean tossing and turning?" he asked.
"That's what I said!" she cried.
"No you didn't," he unhelpfully pointed out. "You said tossing."
"What difference does it make? Oh, shurrup and I'll see you later," she said and made to leave but turned. "And I don't want to be disturbed under ANY circumstances, is that clear?" she pointed at him.
"As crystal," he said and watched her disappear.

A few minutes later Steve arrived, carefully making sure he wasn't seen entering Reet's flat. Unfortunately for him, being a convenient plot device, Karen was in the Underworld office and spotted him go through Reet's door and close it behind him.
"Er...I'm not feeling too good," she said to Mike. "Is it okay if I pop to the shop and get some aspirin?"
"Sure," Mike replied, not taking his eyes off his profit sheets. "Just don't take too long about it." He was so engrossed he didn't even notice she'd slammed the door behind her.

Up in Reet's flat, Steve's eyes popped out of his head even more than normal.
"Well," he said, wiping the drool from his mouth. "I must say, Reet, you were right about being full of surprises. I didn't know you owned a French maid's outfit."
"You don't know a lot of things about me," she replied coyly.
"Not yet," he concurred. "But I'm certainly going to enjoy finding out."
"So," she began, waving her feather duster. "Do you want me to tickle your fancy?"

Downstairs in the shop, Karen burst in. "Where's Reet?" she demanded.
"In bed," Norris replied.
"I bet she is. With my husband!" she yelled.
"I-I think you're wrong, Karen," Norris stammered. "She's gone for a lie down."
"Yeah, with MY husband. How many times do I have to tell you?" she said impatiently. "I'm going up."
Norris barred her way. "I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Karen," he told her trying to be brave. "Reet doesn't want to be disturbed."
"I bet she doesn't," Karen shoved him out the way and dashed up the stairs. Norris was in a quandary, but his natural nosiness won the day so shut the shop and went after her. Karen burst into Reet's bedroom and was shocked at what she saw. "How could you, Steve?" she screamed. "And with the Thing from Outer Space an' all??"
"Karen!" Steve gasped in mock horror. "It's not what it looks like."
"It's everything it looks like from where I'm standing," Norris piped up.
"What the hell are you doing here??" Reet now yelled. "What about the shop?"
"This was far more interesting," Norris informed her, just bursting to tell the neighbours. "Steve, isn't that duster uncomfortable up there?"
Reet grabbed a pillow and threw it. "Get out!" she screeched, removed the duster from Steve's armpit and chased them out, roaring like a wild animal.
Karen and Norris got the message and scarpered as fast as their legs could carry them. Once they'd gone,
she returned to what she was doing.
"They gone?" Steve asked.
"Yes," Reet panted as she tried to catch her breath, unused to so much exercise. "Oooh, me legs," she
moaned.
"Here," he sat up as she sat on the bed. "Let me rub them for you."
She didn't need it offering twice. "You'll have to go soon anyway. I need filling up."
"I can do that for you," he suggested.
"Petrol!" she replied. "I don't actually have a car since the budget cuts, but the script requires me to go and get some. Still," she mused, "there's no hurry just yet." She winked at him as he carried on rubbing.

[RitaLittlewood]

Part 4

A few hours later, Steve went home to find Karen packing. "Off to Joe, are you?" he sneered.
"No," she snapped as she threw the bags at him. "Since I never did owt with him!"
"What's all this then?" he asked, clutching one of the bags. "You nearly damaged my eyebrow chucking this lot."
"Tough!" she yelled. "It's your stuff."
"What?!" he screamed back.
"You can go and live with that old cow. She can get you to scrub her back while she baths in formaldehyde!," Karen screeched.
He dropped the bag. "Don't be so stupid, Karen."
"I'm not the stupid one here, Steve! I have NEVER slept with anyone since we got married, unlike you and that thousand-year-old scrubber!" she was on he brink of tears.
"Karen," he reached for her but she slapped him away. "It meant nothing. I only did it to get back at you because I know how much you hate her."
"Didn't stop you enjoying it though," she retorted.
"I didn't enjoy it!" he lied. "How can anyone enjoy being smothered by her? It was a one-off today."
"Liar!" she shouted as she hit him. "You were at it last night!"
"I wasn't!" he shouted back, eyes rolling. "I was asleep!"
"Yeah, in HER bed!" Karen yelled.
"On OUR sofa!" he lied again. "Reet made sure I got home all right. I got pissed pouring my heart out about you. When I woke up I was on the sofa and she'd gone!"
"That doesn't excuse what you did today, Steve. And don't you think it does!" she said a bit quieter.
"Look, Karen," he tried placating. "Reet was so understanding and that's what gave me the idea. I had a few drinks for breakfast then went round. I was pissed!"
"You'd have to be," Karen snorted.
"She was well up for it," he went on.
"Well she would be," Karen snapped. "She's a desperate old slag who goes after any bloke in trousers."
"That's true," he agreed.
"But I'm NOT, Steve!" she added.
"No. I know that now," he conceded. "I'm very sorry, Karen. I've been stupid."
"Well at least we finally agree on summat," she remarked. "But I think shagging her is punishment enough so I won't do owt to you."
"Thanks," he smiled with relief.
"Yet," she added. They snogged then she pushed him away.
"Where you going?" he asked.
"To see that old trout and tell her to keep her hands off my husband or I'll chop them off. See yer, babe," she kissed him then left.
He quickly dialled on his mobile. "It's me. Karen's on her way to see you."

"She's just landed," Reet said. "Speak to you later." She hung up and smiled. "Hello, Karen. And what can I do for you?"
Karen leant across the counter and belted her one. "THAT'S for sleeping with my Steve!" she yelled. "Stay away from him or you'll get far worse."
Reet rubbed her face. "I didn't think you cared about him anymore," she told her. "So what difference does it make what he does?"
Karen whacked her again. "It makes EVERY difference, you old bag! We're back together and I won't warn you again. Understand?"
Reet nodded and Karen left.
Norris was shocked. "Are you all right, Reet?"
"Fine, Norris," she replied. "Been hit by far worse than her in my time and will be in the future."
"She hit you quite hard," he observed. "I was sure I heard your jaw crack."
"Me dentures just snapped together, that's all," she told him.
At that moment Steve walked in. "Are you okay, Reet? Karen told me what she did."
"Fine," Reet assured him.
"I hear you're back together. Congratulations," Norris piped up.
"Go and get yer dinner, Norris," Reet said.
"But I had it 3 hours ago," he protested.
"Then go and get me something from the caff," she ordered through gritted teeth.
"Sausage roll?" Steve suggested, eyebrow raised.
"Not sure I'll have one of those again," Reet said.
"I'm sure you will, Reet," Steve hinted.
"Do you want a sausage roll or not," Norris asked.
"Sticky bun. Now get gone!" she replied, not taking her
heavily made-up eyes off Steve. Norris left. "Are you and Karen back together?" she asked. He nodded. "I see," she said sadly. "Pity. I quite enjoyed our time together."
He took her hand. "So did I, Reet. More than I could ever have imagined. That's why I'm here. Any time you want me to fill you up, I'll be here. I don't want to lose you, Reet. I want you."
"Really?" she asked, totally stunned. "Sure you're not after being left summat in me will?"
"Oh, sod yer will, Reet!" he stated. "It's you I want. And I want you right this minute."
"What about Karen?" she raised an eyebrow. "Am I to be some sort of mistress? Waiting here for you to come when she won't let you?"
"I won't leave her for you," he stated. Well, maybe. Let's just see where this leads first. There's loads of times we can be together and she won't have a clue. What do you say?"
She thought then smiled. "Lock the door and
I'll give you my answer..."

The End

Patsy

[pearly queen]

Ye gods! Some disturbing stuff going on here, I must say.
Wayne Rooney eat ya heart out!!

[RitaLittlewood]

LOL! I know. A friend and I were talking one night about who Steve would have the one-night stand with and came up with Reet and imagined all sorts of disturbing trailers too like Reet and Steve on the bonnet of his car!

Patsy

[pearly queen]

Christ - imagine trying to explain a Rita's arse print shaped dent in the car to Kevin at the garage!

[RitaLittlewood]

LMAO! Especially that size. It's bigger than mine which is saying something.

Patsy