Post by jessi on Mar 4, 2007 9:26:04 GMT
His eyes shut heavily. He felt her hands go limp. And he knew. He knew it was over. She was dead.
This was it. After years of the two of them being apart and having one million and a half dreams of being together it was done with. It was through. And she was dead…. His beautiful girl…
Every moment in his life that had ever meant a thing had had her in it. And now he was never going to hear her voice again. His angel had finally fallen. And he hated himself for letting it happen as it did.
If he had only known sooner. If only she had got in to contact with him sooner. But she hadn’t. And now she was dead. They might have had more time… even remarried. He would have taken her back if she had just said the word. If only he had got down on one knee. If only she had died his wife…. No ceremony would have been needed. They’d just have to have said I do again. And she would have been his. Just as she had always been before.
He shook his head as the lump in his throat got bigger and bigger until it felt like some ungodly creature was going to crawl out of his mouth.
Why had she left him? She had only just got back to him. There was so much he needed to hear, to know. He had so much to tell her and now she was never going to hear it. He wished he had been able to make every thing up to her. To some how make all the wrongs, right once more.
Her hands slowly went cold in his own as the oxygen stopped flowing round her body. He wanted to try and warm them, just one more time to try and give her the kiss of life, or – some thing! But nothing was going to now…
He wanted his Evie back. The girl he used to swim in the sea with every Saturday off the coast of Scarborough.
There was no one else he had ever wanted so much.
Nothing more than her.
His mind was cast back to when that first summer was over, and he had had to take her back to the train station and put her on a train back to the city. She had hated the city, she loved being out in the country with him she had said.
That summer…it had been the best of his aging life…
Around him he could hear Pat trying to comfort him but there was nothing. It was all one.
He was so selfish. If only when Karen were born he hadn’t grown the beard, he thought to himself. If he had spent that twenty minutes in the morning, shaving then maybe things would have been different for the two of them. But it wasn’t.
He had never known his daughter. He didn’t recall the sound of her voice.
All he recalled was that little baby in the crib at the end of his bed. To her, he had been the world, her gaze had made him think like nothing else ever did. Except maybe her mother.
And he had left her. he had abandoned her as if she had never been any thing to him when he had been his world.
He next that day at the hospital when Evie had given birth. He hadn’t gone in to the labour. Evie said she didn’t want him to see her like that and so he had respected her wished and he had sat out side till the screaming stopped. Then he walked in and he had heard his baby crying for him. And he had been so proud. So had his wife. They had been the best little family ever. Karen had been so tiny, like a doll. He had been so sacred when held her for the first time. He had thought he might drop her or be too heavy handed. But she had been his child. And some how, he always knew what to do after that day when it came to her. He hadn’t been an awful father. Not really, had he?
Two weeks after he remembered how he had sat with the two of them in bed and how Evie had said the next would be a boy. That’d make every thing just right and he had agreed. He had loved the idea of a son.
Why had he been such a fool. Evie had been his angel and he had let her go.
He felt his eyes burn with tears and he knew years of regret were about to come out. No longer did he have the strength to keep them in.
He remembered the frustration he had felt those days when he had been searching for her when he had just got out of jail. Some how it was worse now. She was gone for good and it wasn’t by choice either, she had wanted to stay with him.
Pat had put her hands on her shoulders, and was attempting to prise him away from Evie. It felt so wrong, but he knew he had to go.
Every step he took further away from her lifeless body shattered his heart that he had made stone in the thirty eight years when he had been alone. She had changed that in a week.
Why had she left him again?
He hadn’t realised how much he had needed her till she had returned. And now she was gone again, like a leaf in a winter storms, stopping only momentarily before the cold sharp wind takes you off again, and you’re unsure where you will rest again.
He deserved this, for all the wrongs he had done her, but it still didn’t seem right that such a beauty died in such a way. It seemed wrong that she had died at all.
Some how in his heart though, he couldn’t accept it to be the end. It just couldn’t be…
This was it. After years of the two of them being apart and having one million and a half dreams of being together it was done with. It was through. And she was dead…. His beautiful girl…
Every moment in his life that had ever meant a thing had had her in it. And now he was never going to hear her voice again. His angel had finally fallen. And he hated himself for letting it happen as it did.
If he had only known sooner. If only she had got in to contact with him sooner. But she hadn’t. And now she was dead. They might have had more time… even remarried. He would have taken her back if she had just said the word. If only he had got down on one knee. If only she had died his wife…. No ceremony would have been needed. They’d just have to have said I do again. And she would have been his. Just as she had always been before.
He shook his head as the lump in his throat got bigger and bigger until it felt like some ungodly creature was going to crawl out of his mouth.
Why had she left him? She had only just got back to him. There was so much he needed to hear, to know. He had so much to tell her and now she was never going to hear it. He wished he had been able to make every thing up to her. To some how make all the wrongs, right once more.
Her hands slowly went cold in his own as the oxygen stopped flowing round her body. He wanted to try and warm them, just one more time to try and give her the kiss of life, or – some thing! But nothing was going to now…
He wanted his Evie back. The girl he used to swim in the sea with every Saturday off the coast of Scarborough.
There was no one else he had ever wanted so much.
Nothing more than her.
His mind was cast back to when that first summer was over, and he had had to take her back to the train station and put her on a train back to the city. She had hated the city, she loved being out in the country with him she had said.
That summer…it had been the best of his aging life…
Around him he could hear Pat trying to comfort him but there was nothing. It was all one.
He was so selfish. If only when Karen were born he hadn’t grown the beard, he thought to himself. If he had spent that twenty minutes in the morning, shaving then maybe things would have been different for the two of them. But it wasn’t.
He had never known his daughter. He didn’t recall the sound of her voice.
All he recalled was that little baby in the crib at the end of his bed. To her, he had been the world, her gaze had made him think like nothing else ever did. Except maybe her mother.
And he had left her. he had abandoned her as if she had never been any thing to him when he had been his world.
He next that day at the hospital when Evie had given birth. He hadn’t gone in to the labour. Evie said she didn’t want him to see her like that and so he had respected her wished and he had sat out side till the screaming stopped. Then he walked in and he had heard his baby crying for him. And he had been so proud. So had his wife. They had been the best little family ever. Karen had been so tiny, like a doll. He had been so sacred when held her for the first time. He had thought he might drop her or be too heavy handed. But she had been his child. And some how, he always knew what to do after that day when it came to her. He hadn’t been an awful father. Not really, had he?
Two weeks after he remembered how he had sat with the two of them in bed and how Evie had said the next would be a boy. That’d make every thing just right and he had agreed. He had loved the idea of a son.
Why had he been such a fool. Evie had been his angel and he had let her go.
He felt his eyes burn with tears and he knew years of regret were about to come out. No longer did he have the strength to keep them in.
He remembered the frustration he had felt those days when he had been searching for her when he had just got out of jail. Some how it was worse now. She was gone for good and it wasn’t by choice either, she had wanted to stay with him.
Pat had put her hands on her shoulders, and was attempting to prise him away from Evie. It felt so wrong, but he knew he had to go.
Every step he took further away from her lifeless body shattered his heart that he had made stone in the thirty eight years when he had been alone. She had changed that in a week.
Why had she left him again?
He hadn’t realised how much he had needed her till she had returned. And now she was gone again, like a leaf in a winter storms, stopping only momentarily before the cold sharp wind takes you off again, and you’re unsure where you will rest again.
He deserved this, for all the wrongs he had done her, but it still didn’t seem right that such a beauty died in such a way. It seemed wrong that she had died at all.
Some how in his heart though, he couldn’t accept it to be the end. It just couldn’t be…
excellent one 
