Post by jessi on Apr 2, 2007 22:06:17 GMT
Night Time Confessions
He wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming yet. The few days had turned his life on its head and he was so glad for it.
He had forgotten what it was to feel this way.
Looking back he wasn’t even sure he had been alive. Sure he had had Mo and they had been fun, but to him that was all they had been. A bit or fun. A distraction from the ache she had left in his heart.
That was all any women since except Evie had been.
When he had first heard she had wanted to see him again he had been so shocked. But that was because he had convinced himself that where ever she was she had forgotten and if you said to her, ‘You know that Bert Atkinson?’ she would have said, ‘No, I have never heard that name in my life’.
But she never would, because now he knew she hadn’t forgotten a thing about him just as he had remembered every thing about her.
He felt he could cry as he looked at her. It was the first night since they had come back to Pats and he was simply so contented just to watch her try and sleep. He knew she was in a lot of pain, but he was so content to have her back, under any circumstances at all. It went with out saying he wished they were better ones but neither of them could change it, not now. It was too late. They had to be happy with what they had been given or at least make the most of it they didn’t have a lot of time. She was fading fast.
If he could take it all off her and make it so he was the one suffering then he would. She had suffered enough in her life. Mostly because of him…
He wondered absently if George had ever stayed up all night to watch her sleep. He hadn’t often but some times in the early days he had. It had been so peaceful. And here he was again. It was just like the old days. The best days of his life had been spent with her.
He squeezed her hand as he held it. Ever since they had been reunited which had been all of forty eight hours she had shown so much love and affection for him. And he for her. More than he had shown since he had lost her those thirty eight years ago put together.
He knew with out a doubt she had been thinking of him ever since they had split, just as he had of her.
He felt so happy, and so heart broken at the same time. He had never felt so much at once before. So much was going on in his head and heart.
Shaking his head his eyes scanned her face. He knew she had but she didn’t think he had aged a day. The wrinkles faded in his eyes. The greying cheeks became rosy pink, and the eyes once again sparkled.
She was in a summer dress, instead of a night gown, and instead of being wrapped in a duvet, she was once again stepping down off that train.
That was and had always had been how he saw her.
It was then in that moment of bliss that her peaceful slumber seemed to becoming riddle with fears of unspeakable enemies.
The enemy was speakable though. It was cancer.
“Hey come on, your alright…Evie, I’m here.” Said Bert to her as he tried to soothe her, but he didn’t feel he was doing a very good job.
“Karen!” he heard her cry out for their daughter. “Jay…” her had to be trapped in a nightmare he though to himself.
He tried desperately to wake her gently, but nothing seemed to work. She was utterly lost to him in that moment, and tears welled in the aging mans eyes. She shouldn’t be going through this! She had done nothing to deserve it! He felt at that moment he could kill what ever was hurting her, but he knew the enemy was deep within her already. He was too late to defend her. He should have got to her sooner. He should have stopped this from happening. In a strange way he felt her illness was his fault.
“Bert…” she cried for him, and he didn’t quite believe her.
He had thought to himself when she had started crying out peoples names perhaps George would be next but he wasn’t. He, himself was.
Stroking her arm softly, he was forced to endure watching his love in a awful state for the next five minutes, though they seemed to melt away in to hours.
She was clearly in a ungodly amount of pain when she woke but she had fallen silent, her eyes trying desperately to focus on him.
“Its you.” She said to him as if in wonder. Clearly in her nightmare she had forgotten all of yester day and it was coming back to her all over again.
“Its me, I’m here love.” He said as he kissed her hand, which was so cold.
“Bert… I don’t want to die.” She confessed.
In the middle of the night she was so tired and emotional that she was unable to fight her feelings
“I know you don’t. And I don’t want you too.” He said as he let a tear fall down his face.
He didn’t want to his her feelings from her. Not any more. He had been angry when he has seen her two days early. That had been enough. It was time for healing.
But the only thing that could save her now was a miracle. And he didn’t think they were going to get it.
“Promise me… hold me at the end…” she said to him.
“I promise angel.” He said. And for the first time in three decades he said something to her that made all the pain go away, the grief for there Karen, there fear.
It vanished as he whispered to her at long last…”I love you.”
Nothing was going to take him from her this time. Wild horses couldn’t drag him away.
He wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming yet. The few days had turned his life on its head and he was so glad for it.
He had forgotten what it was to feel this way.
Looking back he wasn’t even sure he had been alive. Sure he had had Mo and they had been fun, but to him that was all they had been. A bit or fun. A distraction from the ache she had left in his heart.
That was all any women since except Evie had been.
When he had first heard she had wanted to see him again he had been so shocked. But that was because he had convinced himself that where ever she was she had forgotten and if you said to her, ‘You know that Bert Atkinson?’ she would have said, ‘No, I have never heard that name in my life’.
But she never would, because now he knew she hadn’t forgotten a thing about him just as he had remembered every thing about her.
He felt he could cry as he looked at her. It was the first night since they had come back to Pats and he was simply so contented just to watch her try and sleep. He knew she was in a lot of pain, but he was so content to have her back, under any circumstances at all. It went with out saying he wished they were better ones but neither of them could change it, not now. It was too late. They had to be happy with what they had been given or at least make the most of it they didn’t have a lot of time. She was fading fast.
If he could take it all off her and make it so he was the one suffering then he would. She had suffered enough in her life. Mostly because of him…
He wondered absently if George had ever stayed up all night to watch her sleep. He hadn’t often but some times in the early days he had. It had been so peaceful. And here he was again. It was just like the old days. The best days of his life had been spent with her.
He squeezed her hand as he held it. Ever since they had been reunited which had been all of forty eight hours she had shown so much love and affection for him. And he for her. More than he had shown since he had lost her those thirty eight years ago put together.
He knew with out a doubt she had been thinking of him ever since they had split, just as he had of her.
He felt so happy, and so heart broken at the same time. He had never felt so much at once before. So much was going on in his head and heart.
Shaking his head his eyes scanned her face. He knew she had but she didn’t think he had aged a day. The wrinkles faded in his eyes. The greying cheeks became rosy pink, and the eyes once again sparkled.
She was in a summer dress, instead of a night gown, and instead of being wrapped in a duvet, she was once again stepping down off that train.
That was and had always had been how he saw her.
It was then in that moment of bliss that her peaceful slumber seemed to becoming riddle with fears of unspeakable enemies.
The enemy was speakable though. It was cancer.
“Hey come on, your alright…Evie, I’m here.” Said Bert to her as he tried to soothe her, but he didn’t feel he was doing a very good job.
“Karen!” he heard her cry out for their daughter. “Jay…” her had to be trapped in a nightmare he though to himself.
He tried desperately to wake her gently, but nothing seemed to work. She was utterly lost to him in that moment, and tears welled in the aging mans eyes. She shouldn’t be going through this! She had done nothing to deserve it! He felt at that moment he could kill what ever was hurting her, but he knew the enemy was deep within her already. He was too late to defend her. He should have got to her sooner. He should have stopped this from happening. In a strange way he felt her illness was his fault.
“Bert…” she cried for him, and he didn’t quite believe her.
He had thought to himself when she had started crying out peoples names perhaps George would be next but he wasn’t. He, himself was.
Stroking her arm softly, he was forced to endure watching his love in a awful state for the next five minutes, though they seemed to melt away in to hours.
She was clearly in a ungodly amount of pain when she woke but she had fallen silent, her eyes trying desperately to focus on him.
“Its you.” She said to him as if in wonder. Clearly in her nightmare she had forgotten all of yester day and it was coming back to her all over again.
“Its me, I’m here love.” He said as he kissed her hand, which was so cold.
“Bert… I don’t want to die.” She confessed.
In the middle of the night she was so tired and emotional that she was unable to fight her feelings
“I know you don’t. And I don’t want you too.” He said as he let a tear fall down his face.
He didn’t want to his her feelings from her. Not any more. He had been angry when he has seen her two days early. That had been enough. It was time for healing.
But the only thing that could save her now was a miracle. And he didn’t think they were going to get it.
“Promise me… hold me at the end…” she said to him.
“I promise angel.” He said. And for the first time in three decades he said something to her that made all the pain go away, the grief for there Karen, there fear.
It vanished as he whispered to her at long last…”I love you.”
Nothing was going to take him from her this time. Wild horses couldn’t drag him away.
,have a K , good one .
