21st Century Nursey Rhymes

[RitaLittlewood]

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
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Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
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Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass"
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
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Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

[CG Wendy]

LMAO at the first Jack and Jill one!

Here`s a few I remember from way back.....

Old Mr Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get himself a hanky
But when he got there, the cupboard was bare
And so was his wife with a Yanky

Old Mrs Hubbard went to the cupboard
To give her poor dog a bone
But when she bent over, along came ole Rover
And gave her a bone of his own

;D ;D ;D ;D

[RitaLittlewood]

LOL! The bottom one's the funniest.

Patsy