Post by CG Wendy on Feb 18, 2009 14:58:41 GMT
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm
sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving
once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
Electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first
replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental
medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But
why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he
said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer.'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to Spain , they name him 'Juan'; the other
went to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal.'
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise
funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men
of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not. He went back and begged
the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on
his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather
frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who posted ten
different puns, with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
;D
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm
sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving
once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
Electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first
replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental
medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But
why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he
said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer.'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to Spain , they name him 'Juan'; the other
went to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal.'
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise
funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men
of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not. He went back and begged
the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on
his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather
frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who posted ten
different puns, with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
;D
