Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2009 6:20:39 GMT
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,
"Marion ... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"
"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona .."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I was walking past the psychiatric hospital the other day,
And all the patients were outside shouting, '13....13...13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
What was going on...
Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14...14...14'.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Drug Enforcement Agency officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown
drugs." Rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as
he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants
pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See
this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any
land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do
you understand? "
The Rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA
officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's prize
bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems
likely that he'll get " Horned " before he reaches safety. The officer is
clearly terrified. The Rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge!! Show him your BADGE!!!"
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,
"Marion ... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"
"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona .."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I was walking past the psychiatric hospital the other day,
And all the patients were outside shouting, '13....13...13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
What was going on...
Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14...14...14'.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Drug Enforcement Agency officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown
drugs." Rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as
he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants
pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See
this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any
land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do
you understand? "
The Rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA
officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's prize
bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems
likely that he'll get " Horned " before he reaches safety. The officer is
clearly terrified. The Rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge!! Show him your BADGE!!!"
