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Post by amyablume on Oct 20, 2007 16:34:53 GMT
knew you wouldn't drink merlot! those gits dont know anything!
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Post by pearly queen on Oct 21, 2007 7:54:40 GMT
Empress Reet,
Glad to see you back out and about after your latest ... er....reinvention. You seem to have undergone certain changes in appearance recently. Can we assume you have done what the hoi polloi would call 'gone under the knife'?
I'm surprised you would go to all that trouble and expense being naturally beautiful (and tight). Surgery is all well and good for them Hollywood types, but not for the likes of us.
So - where did you go? Silicone Valley? Harley Street? Hanging upside down in Ashley's deep freeze for a couple of weeks?
Anyway you look good on it, chuck and I'm sure rich men will be climbing up onto their piles of cash to propose to you very soon.
Pearly.
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Oct 22, 2007 18:18:38 GMT
LMAO!
Patsy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 19, 2007 2:13:53 GMT
Greetings peasants!
Pearly dear I'll have yer know me face is all natural. Me jawline's been naturally improved, me quadruple chins have naturally disappeared and me eyebrows are naturally at the top of me forehead. It cost me a lot of energy threatening to snog Bill Webster to keep me natural so I dunno what yer talking about. Surgery? Moi? As if I'd pay for owt like that. Haven't yer ever heard of sandblasting and Polyfilla? Tut!
What are them writers on? Having me say to that dreadful Doreen I cared about the peasant as a friend. How many times do I have to tell 'em he's a peasant, I can't stand the sight of him and he's certainly no friend of mine? He's cheap which is t'only reason I keep him around! He's more than satisfied with his 0.00000000000000000000000000001% of the shop I gave him to get him to shurrup. They're making me want to throttle them more than I do him which is some feat. They need a quick lesson on Reet-Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan which I'll give 'em with a whip!
I hope yer all saw me at Bafta. Didn't I always tell yer I was the star? Whaddya mean it were only because Ken were in a white frock at Stonehenge flogging his book and no one else wanted to represent the 60s because I never joined the cast then? What twaddle yer all talk. I graciously made a rare appearance, mixing with the common people, and didn't they all love me? Whaddya mean no? Course they did. Didn't yer hear that applause they gave me? Whaddya mean that were for Chesney? Don't be daft. Yer all know I'm loved the world over because I'm so kind to the little people such as yerselves by trying to run yer over and reply to fan mail whenever there's a Z in the month. No fans are in anyone's thoughts as much as mine. Sometimes I think yer just don't appreciate greatness!
Till next time!
Empress Reet
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Post by amyablume on Nov 19, 2007 15:02:37 GMT
Oh dear Reet we must apologise to you for our indolence!
You're shortened jowls and wiggy hair we're misunderstood due to our innocence.
Our love for you, you're overwealming presence,
had blinded us and we do beg you're forgiveness.
(sorry for the slant rhyme its monday!)
You're servant,
Amy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 19, 2007 16:26:36 GMT
LOL! She'll like you. May end up in the will!  Patsy |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 27, 2007 3:00:29 GMT
Greetings peasants and me servant Amy!
That's the sort of fan I love. One who knows I'm the greatest Megastar EVER. Why don't yer write me a letter, girl? Tell me in that how much yer adore me then I can ignore it along with the rest of 'em. Yer all love being snubbed by me. Makes yer feel special and important. After all, not everyone does it. It's a unique talent I have along with running people over.
I know how much yer all love me but I only got out of me pit to ask if anyone knew a good builder. Seems that Bill Webster's a cowboy. Me face is crumbling and me foundations aren't what they were neither. I'm in serious risk of losing out on snaring that George or Ivor or both all the while the dreadful Doreen looks better than I do and she's a wrinkled old hag! Yer've got to help me. I don't ask for much and this is an emergency otherwise I'll look much older than me 6 million and 27 by Christmas.
Till next time!
Empress Reet
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Post by amyablume on Nov 27, 2007 15:10:43 GMT
Um. I did write you a letter, dearest empress. You've already ignored me. But I forgive you as you have more important crumbly face issues to worry about! |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 27, 2007 15:25:20 GMT
PSML!
Patsy
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Post by sallywebster on Nov 27, 2007 18:43:07 GMT
LOL! But Reet yer did reply to me 4th letter chuck.
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 27, 2007 19:09:36 GMT
I'm sure she won't make that mistake again. Patsy |
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Post by sallywebster on Nov 27, 2007 22:41:56 GMT
LOL! Cant wait to hear her explanation in her next entry in the blog |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 27, 2007 22:54:07 GMT
LOL! You're asking a lot. She forgets to turn up so will probably forget that and you know it's always about her. Not that she's egotistical or anything. Patsy |
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Post by sallywebster on Nov 27, 2007 22:55:24 GMT
Ah I thought she'd ignore me lol!
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 27, 2007 22:56:45 GMT
Offer her money. That'll get you a mention.
Patsy
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Post by sallywebster on Nov 27, 2007 23:00:04 GMT
Or booze!
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 27, 2007 23:06:29 GMT
Or both! She'll love you forever. ;D
Patsy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 20, 2007 23:00:33 GMT
Greetings peasants and Jez! I replied to yer? Oh aye. I remember now. I were ill so didn't know what I were doing and forgot I'm meant to ignore yer all cos yer all peasants and I'm the greatest. All them years of various hair dyes had given me t'same effects on me memory as the carbon monoxide. Not to mention how overworked they made me last year. I made it clear to that lot what think they're in charge I do now more than 3 episodes next year for 10 million or I quit. That got 'em thinking I can tell yer. Anyroadup I were clearly so much better when I ignored Amy. Now she can boast to all her mates how the greatest redhead to ever live has snubbed her. Not many get such an honour, seeing as I don't get that many letters these days, so she can be proud. Well tis the season to be jolly and I'm sure the peasant slipped summat in me drink to make me pay for a meal out on Christmas Day. Me pay?  And at Christmas? At them prices? They'll be wanting a tip next. Peasant'll get one if he's not careful from the end of me shoe right in his arrogant weasely face! If owt that little runt should be volunteering to cough up to thank me for turning his down daft proposal making sure he never had to wake up to me every morning and for seeing off the dreadful Doreen. But is he grateful? Moan, moan, moan. That's all I hear whenever we're in the stockroom together away from prying eyes. Complaining! Mucky minded fans. I keep telling yer I'm NOT desperate. He better get me what I want for Christmas this year or he'll not make it to 2008 that's for sure! Till next time! Empress Reet |
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Post by amyablume on Dec 21, 2007 15:11:50 GMT
lol!
Oh Dearest Reet,
Merry Christmas to the greatest redhead who ever lived.
And remember not to wear red because it clashes with that shade you've got.
Bless.
Amy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 21, 2007 16:39:22 GMT
LOL! Well we already know she'll have her surgically attached black trousers on. Maybe she'll put wads of mistletoe in her hair to tempt any eligable zillionaires out there.
Patsy
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Post by sallywebster on Dec 21, 2007 19:02:38 GMT
Greetings peasants and Jez! I replied to yer? Oh aye. I remember now. I were ill so didn't know what I were doing and forgot I'm meant to ignore yer all cos yer all peasants and I'm the greatest. All them years of various hair dyes had given me t'same effects on me memory as the carbon monoxide. Not to mention how overworked they made me last year. I made it clear to that lot what think they're in charge I do now more than 3 episodes next year for 10 million or I quit. That got 'em thinking I can tell yer. Anyroadup I were clearly so much better when I ignored Amy. Now she can boast to all her mates how the greatest redhead to ever live has snubbed her. Not many get such an honour, seeing as I don't get that many letters these days, so she can be proud. Well tis the season to be jolly and I'm sure the peasant slipped summat in me drink to make me pay for a meal out on Christmas Day. Me pay? And at Christmas? At them prices? They'll be wanting a tip next. Peasant'll get one if he's not careful from the end of me shoe right in his arrogant weasely face! If owt that little runt should be volunteering to cough up to thank me for turning his down daft proposal making sure he never had to wake up to me every morning and for seeing off the dreadful Doreen. But is he grateful? Moan, moan, moan. That's all I hear whenever we're in the stockroom together away from prying eyes. Complaining! Mucky minded fans. I keep telling yer I'm NOT desperate. He better get me what I want for Christmas this year or he'll not make it to 2008 that's for sure! Till next time! Empress Reet Hey yer said "peasants and Jez" so im not a peasant then I guess that is why you replied to me. |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 21, 2007 19:13:15 GMT
LOL! I'm sure she'll have something to say about that when she can drag herself away from the voddy. Patsy |
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Post by sallywebster on Dec 21, 2007 19:15:37 GMT
LOL! Well its true - she said "Peasants AND Jez"
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 21, 2007 19:17:15 GMT
LOL! She also said she was ill when she replied to you.
Patsy
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Post by pearly queen on Dec 21, 2007 19:27:37 GMT
Reet,
You must have earned hundreds of thousands of pounds in the sale of Christmas cards recently - why not break the habit of a lifetime and SPEND SOME OF IT? Norris puts up with a lot of grief from you, and Emily puts up with Norris - so you owe them both a slap-up feed, and lashings of expensive wine and liqueurs.
Don't invite Boreen - she'll only cramp everyone's style by trying to marry the waiters.
Pay for the meal - you might find you feel good providing for the needy and desperate. And don't forget to slip the bromide into Norris's eggnog or he'll be moaning and groaning in the stockroom, whether you're there or not.
Have a great Christmas - don't forget the huge stack of Valentine cards that you can put on the shelves on 26 December (with no more fear of Norris purloining one for you) and get richer and richer in the New Year.
Love PearlyQ
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And at Christmas?