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Post by pearly queen on Apr 28, 2009 19:57:20 GMT
You've had a right narrow escape, Reet - good riddance to that Colin. Not only is he a ponce, but also a nonce. Steer well clear - but don't disregard his grandson, who might well be worth a roll in the hay. He might not be rich - but he'll oil your joints and control your squeaking!
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 29, 2009 0:57:29 GMT
LOL! I don't think we want to know about her squeaking.  Patsy |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on May 11, 2009 20:05:39 GMT
Greetings peasants!
Well I had to give t'ring back. I found out he got it from a cracker. Now the peasant's got ideas on getting me out of me bloomers again. Even that Tony Gordon didn't cough up me cash after buying the shop and flat 9 months ago. I've only got £20 billion left. I'm practically potless! How's a sexy redhead looking 3 years old supposed to survive at a time like this? I'll just have to con someone else but who am I desperate enough to go for? Jack Duckworth again? There were a time he fancied proper birds, now it's the feathered type. He's gone a bit kinky in his dotage. Peter Barlow? Well he's always pissed so won't have a clue till it's too late. But he's skint. Tony Bug-Eye? Well Weatherfield does have its fair share of trams nowadays so need to take a trip to Blackpool. Dev Alahan? He's got pots of cash but am I really THAT desperate to shag a walking oil slick? YES!!!!! Just have to get rid of the Crazy Frog. It'll also take me mind off me woes then pow! He won't know what's hit him till I do with the wedding bill. And I know I'll be more lauded after seeing him off. ;D
Till next time!
Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan (soon to be Alahan)
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 7, 2010 17:00:42 GMT
Greeting peasants! Tis I, the one and only indestructably-wigged Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan. Whaddya mean yer thought I were dead? I nearly were since I were minding me own business polishing me MBE while scoffing sherbet lemons when a tram inconveniently crashed through me invisible flat and bounced off me bonce! I always said lacqueur were a great invention! Added to the fact I'm immortal the tram stood no chance. After all, one of its relatives missed me 21 year ago. Well here I am lying in t’rubble with me phone waiting for some rich hunk – or someone rich anyroad – to rescue me. But as I wait surrounded by dolly mixtures, I've been thinking about me life and being a mere 6 billion and 30 involves a LOT of thinking! So I just narrowed it down to me life on the street - and I don't mean picking up kerb crawlers! Well not unless they have flash cars and fat wallets. Hey, a girl's gotta eat and a sausage a day goes down very well!  Anyroadup, so here I am thinking about me millions - I mean me life and have come to the conclusion someone's definitely out to get me! Most of the attempts on me life have been here. The flamin' gas fire never got me so they decide on a tram! News for yer - missed! I'm not a Megastar for nowt! So do I live, die or finally quit? Well they can't kill me cos I'm immortal. Just carry on watching. I'll be getting them Best Actress awards again, yer see if I don't! Till next time! Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan MBE |
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Post by pearly queen on Dec 9, 2010 7:37:01 GMT
Hang on in there, Reet. You can't leave us yet. You've survived worse than a few sherbet lemons landing on your head!
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 9, 2010 22:37:23 GMT
Greetings peasants! Eee it's flamin' freezing lying on t'floor in me shop, especially now I don't have all me blubber to keep me warm. Funny I've been back nearly a year after supposedly spending 6 months on a cruise (as if I, the greatest redhead to ever live would spend money like that?  !!! ) and no one noticed me suddenly svelte figure, turkey neck, atrocious wig and legs flashing again. Ignorant lot! No wonder I'm still single!!! No one's even bothered to come to me rescue. That's it. No more papers for them! Well not unless they make it up to me by buying me 100 crates of voddy plus free drinks for life in the Rovers. Since I'm immortal, that's an awful lot of booze!!!! Well as I wait doing me award-winning acting by occasionally moving summat and calling meekly for help (mustn't overdo things and be called a ham like Ken Barlow since I'm a Megastar and he's a ham) I'm passing the time by eating the sweets what tried to do me in. That'll teach those Midget Gems to go for me hair. Took me months to find the right one and at 30p from Oxfam, it weren't cheap I can tell yer. If they don't hurry up and let me do some more of me award-winning acting, I'll walk out of here meself! That'll mess up their scripts. Now why didn't I think of that tonight? Beggar it! Till next time! Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan MBE |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 11, 2010 16:14:15 GMT
Greetings peasants from Weatherfield General! Yep, yer've guessed it - I'm saved!!!! I knew they couldn't kill me off even though I'm immortal. Oh the new fella what thinks he's in charge tried to by chucking a tram on me 'ead but nowt'll work and I told him that! I say when I do everyone a favour and quit, not some young upstart who thinks this is Doctor Who. He's a nasty piece of work. One complaint and yer out like Ashley and Clurr. All I did were point out I'm only meant to say a few words in ten eps a year and he said I'd regret that. He won't last long I can tell yer! I saw the look of lust the peasant gave me after the hunky firemen got me out. He's so thick after all the whacks around the head I've given him he misunderstands the basic things. Such as when I said I'd be in heaven without him, he probably thinks I mean dead rather than ecstatic if I never had to endure that little runt ever again! Why can't Scary Psycho Mary do us all a favour and take him on holiday? Nice beach with quicksand or summat! I just KNOW what's coming - or what he'd LIKE to come! He'll think I'm sooooooooooooo grateful I'll let him do owt to me - even if I'm in a coma! Come to think on it, he's probably into necrophilia where I'm concerned, he's that obsessed with getting into me bloomers.  I'm never grateful, he should know that by now. Makes me wish I weren't immortal since the only way to escape him is me snuffing it or he does and I go down for murder. Although I'd like to think of it more as a service to the community.  Till next time! Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan MBE |
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Post by CG Wendy on Dec 13, 2010 2:13:32 GMT
PML
Methinks Reet doth protest too much. That`s wasn`t Reet that the fireman was lusting over - it was a full jar of Mint Imperiels that managed to survive the blast.
Now that things have calmed down in Weatherfield Fire Station, they need those Mint Imperiels as currency in those endless nights of playing poker.
;D ;D ;D
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 13, 2010 14:33:22 GMT
LOL! Her wig's probably made from the same stuff as Mint Imperials. Maybe she thought it was the money jar Norris had hidden. Patsy |
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Post by Jez on Dec 13, 2010 15:15:04 GMT
Eee Reet im glad yer survived it even tho I didnt doubt for a second you would, what with yer being immortal and all that! |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 13, 2010 22:43:54 GMT
LOL!
Patsy
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Post by pearly queen on Mar 20, 2011 22:32:48 GMT
How's it going at the new shop? Don't let Mad Mary dominate things - she's only there for all the free competitions she can enter from your mags. Show her who's the boss, Reet.
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 4, 2012 18:11:39 GMT
Greetings peasants!
Tis I, Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan. Long time no hear! Bet yer thought yer'd heard the last of me, didn't yer? Norra chance! I've just been swamped in these oversized clothes so I'm having trouble typing. Though I know yer've been adoring me as per on t'telly box. Who wouldn't unless yer thick?
So I'm getting wed again - ugh! What moron who thinks he's in charge thinks that's a good idea? We need a new producer pronto - preferably yers truly! Who knows me best? Me! Dennis flaming Tanner. His sexual prowess is like his bank balance - non-existent! There they are all these years denying me me millions from Mike Baldwin and Fred Elliott by killing 'em off before they wed me, which is the natural order of things. So they keep having me proposed to by wallies, going right back to Gilroy! I'm worth far more than that! I've been slogging me guts out for 40 year and they don't even mention it. I deserve a reward and that reward is a zillionaire who dies within weeks of us getting wed and not potless, incapable Dennis flaming Tanner. I heard I get kidnapped. Rubbish! There's the Cunard cash-in Royal Rendezvous on the 5th June and I want to see the Red Arrows then sail away tempting rich blokes, which is far more important than fending off a madman after me cash, ta muchly.
Till next time!
Empress Reet MBE
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Post by Jez on Apr 4, 2012 21:53:02 GMT
Very good Reet! I must admit I was surprised to hear you were going to marry Dennis! And as for asking Norris to be the best man! lol!
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 4, 2012 22:12:19 GMT
Since it's her 40th anniversary, they should have brought back Harry Bates. LOL!
Patsy
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Post by CG Wendy on Apr 7, 2012 1:56:42 GMT
LOL very well done Pats!!!
When the inevitable does happen, and we lose Reet for real, have you thought of writing a book full of Reets blogs Pats?
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 7, 2012 13:28:19 GMT
LOL! No. I still think all is not well in Barbara Land. She's too thin but persists in wearing oversized clothes. You only do that when you're hiding something.
Patsy
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Post by Jez on Apr 8, 2012 11:28:10 GMT
Since it's her 40th anniversary, they should have brought back Harry Bates. LOL! Patsy I wonder if they rememeber who Harry Bates is?! |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 8, 2012 14:47:48 GMT
LOL! Well they forgot she only marries rich blokes.
Patsy
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Post by CG Wendy on Apr 8, 2012 19:50:46 GMT
What was Harry Bates` son called? I remember Len Fairclough having a hissy feet because he visited Reet. Maybe he can come back for a visit.
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 8, 2012 22:50:33 GMT
Terry. His daughter was called Gail.
Patsy
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Post by Jez on Apr 9, 2012 14:36:38 GMT
Terry. His daughter was called Gail. Patsy Did we ever see Gail on screen? The only time I remember her being mentioned was on the Reet video (that Judy presented) and in various books! |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 9, 2012 21:14:59 GMT
I think you asked that before and I didn't know then. If Granada Plus had shown them from the start (missing eps aren't important) we'd know. LOL!
Patsy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Jun 2, 2012 11:31:26 GMT
Greetings peasants!
Tis I, Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan celebrating me own Boozilee by getting me kit off in Weatherfield as I try and lure me a rich fella before they force me to marry Dennis on Monday. I know I told them what think they're in charge I'd rather jump in t'cut, but they don't have to try and shove me in a canal. It'll ruin me wig, not to mention make a mess of me panda eyes! It takes hours to look this scary! Oh well. Looks like I'll be stuck with Dennis till death.... Wonder what insurance policies he's got? Sometimes I think I'll go through with it to make Elsie spin in her grave. I wed her Len, then I'll have wed her Dennis. Pity she's not mummified like me so I could see her face when I became Mrs Tanner! Perhaps Dennis could dig her up for the day so she can witness her disappointment marry her rival.
Till next time!
Empress Reet MBE
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Feb 15, 2014 19:46:25 GMT
Greetings peasants!
Yes, it's me, Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan-Tanner and I is back! No idea how long for, mind. How long do these teeth stay in me gob? Anyroadup, here I am blubbing into me vodka so much it tastes just like a P&O cocktail - 99% water! Why oh why did them what think they run the place wed me to that Twatty Tanner? I should be living the high life on me cruises and trying to bag a zillionaire on his last legs. Instead they got that Dopey Dennis to bag moi cos they think I'M on me last legs! I may be 6 million and 40 but I ain't dead yet. For t'past two year I've never been so unhappy as they forced me to wed a *gulp* POOR PERSON - the shame! I told 'em they shouldn't do it but they reckoned a wedding is a nice ratings boost and they wanted to see me legs to see if I still had any. They wouldn't even let me hide away, constantly reminding me they can always put a ginger wig on a mop and no one'd notice the difference. Flamin' cheek! I didn't mind him flogging me wedding ring really. I hated it turning me finger green. People thought I were going mouldy! He always were useless at everything he did. So drinks are on Stella if her mam manages to lure him away with offers of, well, owt really! I must say though, before I go, I'm so glad I took out life insurance on him....
Till next time!
Empress Reet MBE!
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Anyroadup, so here I am thinking about me millions - I mean me life and have come to the conclusion someone's definitely out to get me! Most of the attempts on me life have been here. The flamin' gas fire never got me so they decide on a tram! News for yer - missed! I'm not a Megastar for nowt!
!!! 
I'm never grateful, he should know that by now. Makes me wish I weren't immortal since the only way to escape him is me snuffing it or he does and I go down for murder. Although I'd like to think of it more as a service to the community. 
