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Post by RitaLittlewood on Mar 1, 2008 17:28:55 GMT
 You're really asking for trouble there, Jezziekins. Her Regal Redheadedness won't be amused by you first calling her a Queen when she's an Empress and now threatening to call her a *gasp* peasant! Patsy |
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Post by sallywebster on Mar 1, 2008 21:28:56 GMT
LOL! Whats she going to do? Run me over!  She missed her chance, im not in Manchester at the moment. |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Mar 1, 2008 21:40:20 GMT
LOL! She can wait. Patsy |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Mar 8, 2008 1:20:07 GMT
Greetings peasants!
*hic* I am so depressed. Too depressed to even hurl abuse at Jez for daring to call me Queen Reet. *hic* I couldn't find Jack anywhere. I think he were hiding. *hic* Now why on earth would he want to *hic* hide from yers truly? *hic* I'm the best offer he's ever likely to get at his age. *hic* Easter is only two week away. I've booked the registry office. He can't disappoint me! *hic* Okay he can but I'd rather not think about his bedroom antics, ta very much. Be like thinking about the peasant in the nuddy. *hic* I feel sick now. Anyroadup I happened to catch him tonight on Duckiecam, what I secretly installed *hic* in his house, bookies and the Rovers so I can keep tabs on me next dead hubby *hic* and saw him hand over a wad of cash to bug eyes! How could he do that to me? *hic* How could he deprive me of me cash before I've even done him in? I mean, he dies and leaves me the lot? *hic* I've got to get that ring on me finger before I end up losing the lot to that Alan wannabe! *hic*
Till ne*hic*xt time!
Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-*hic*-Sullivan-Duckworth *hic*
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Post by amyablume on Mar 10, 2008 20:12:24 GMT
Wow you need to drink more and get passed the hickup stage! Really darling be consoled. If you don't get him there are always geezers popping off, I mean passing away. Surely a woman with all your plastic surgery, I mean all your beauty and skills will capture one or the other of them soon?
You're servant,
Amy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Mar 10, 2008 20:31:24 GMT
LOL! That's just it. She's throwing her money away making herself look more than 40 years younger so her zillions are dwindling fast. She's getting really desperate to go after Jack Duckworth! It's like hankering after Stan Ogden's body. You just don't. LOL!
Patsy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Mar 19, 2008 20:54:05 GMT
Greetings peasants! Tis I, the greatest and laziest redhead to ever live up in me penthouse above t'shop making me final preparations for the big day. Yep, in just four days I'll be Mrs Duckworth. Jack may have been avoiding me like I'm the Bride of Frankenstein or summat but he hasn't banked on me persistence. A Reetie always gets her money. ;D Because I've not seen him I still haven't managed to get him to agree yet but that's not important. It'll be a surprise! Can you imagine his face when he comes round after his liquid breakfast to find himself wed to me for the rest of his days? I haven't decided how many days it'll be yet. Depends on how much he aggravates me with his bad habits. Could be me shortest ever marriage then! I'm off to Marquees R Us for a fitting. Till next time! Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan-Duckworth |
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Post by amyablume on Mar 19, 2008 21:04:17 GMT
lol
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 1, 2008 6:17:00 GMT
Greetings peasants!
Well as yer'll have seen, I deigned to show me gorgeousness as I know yer were all missing me like yer ought to. I do like to brighten me fans' days before I disappear for more restoration work.
Why is Jack Duckworth avoiding me? I'm sex in surgically attached trousers. I'm gonna make him pay for making me lose the money I'd forked out on that wedding. I'll make him suffer more than the peasant for denying me me cash! Don't he realise wedding me then snuffing it leaving me considerably wealthier is his destiny? I'll get that ring on me finger by the end of the year if it's t'last thing he does! Though when I succeed it WILL be t'last thing he does. ;D I'm now flirting with Harry to make him jealous. He's me back up cos if Jack goes and loses all his cash TO Harry before I'm Mrs Duckworth then I'll wed Harry instead and get hold of it that way. I may have brain damage from all them years of dying me roots but I'm not daft.
Till next time!
Still Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan
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Post by pearly queen on Apr 1, 2008 13:56:42 GMT
You're barking up the wrong lamppost, Reet love. Forget the Duckman and go for Jerry 'Sinbad' Morton, instead. He's got his own house, his own kebab shop - and a daughter in the cops: always handy for when you want to batter little kids in the Kabin and get away with it. He's always busy working, or babysitting his tribe - so he'd be too tired to require you to 'consummate'  with him very often. Ask Eileen for a reference - I reckon that's the real reason she chucked him in (not enough meat on his kebab spindle!!) |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 1, 2008 16:30:06 GMT
LOL! I just woke up whichever one of Amy's cats is on the monitor by laughing. All I know is it's not Pancake or Monkey. The others are all black and white so I haven't the foggiest. I'm sure Reet will bear that in mind. Patsy |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 8, 2008 21:35:50 GMT
Greetings peasants! Tis I the greatest natural redhead to ever live. Fancy making me say I'm not. I've never been made to say owt so daft on pain of a pay cut. Course I'm a natural redhead. Don't all them seventy shades I've had since 1972 prove that? What's more natural than buying a bottle and squirting it on me head? Me neighbours never even notice. I could run down t'street starkers and they wouldn't notice. Well not entirely starkers since I'd have to leave me surgically attached black trousers on. All too thick, unlike yers truly. I'm wasted on drivel like this. I'm a Megastar and Megastars should have a decent storyline, not go round covered in foil like I'm an oven-ready chicken even though I am ripe for a good stuffing and I don't mean embalming. Pearly dear, as much as I would love to consider yer idea he's such a rotten window cleaner I'd end up wearing meself out ordering the peasant to do it. That'll mean I'll need more time off to recover and yer know yer want me on screen constantly so yer can continue to adore me. ;D No I'm sticking with Jack unless I get a better offer. He looked right at me yesterday and didn't even notice I were looking like a teenager and had me hair done. Told yer they were all thick. I'm only doing it to lure him into me clutches since he's never in me company long enough for me to use me other methods. If he don't cooperate and fast I'm gonna have to force the issue somehow. Don't know how yet so any ideas will be gratefully appreciated. Hang on. Why would I be grateful to yer lot? Yer all adore me so will be falling over yerselves offering advice on how I can get to be Mrs Duckworth for a few weeks. Till next time! Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan-Duckworth |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 28, 2008 21:26:55 GMT
Greetings peasants! Tis I, the teen-looking goddess of the cobbles with hair looking like I've stuck me fingers in the electric socket. Well here I am still trying to lure Jack into me clutches. What the hell is wrong with that man? Yer'd have thought he'd jump at being waited on hand and foot by a sex kitten who adores every single penny in his bank account - I mean every single thing about him. Course I wouldn't actually lower meself and skivvy. That's what peasants are for. I can lounge around as usual while Jack peels me a grape as I get turned on by how much he'll leave me in the will. Only orgasms I need and I've never had to fake them. He ran a mile after Vera died, even with his heart condition making me fret he'd snuff it before I got that ring on me finger. Now his Alan wannabe bug-eyed grandson has proved himself a chip off the old Terry block he'll need lots of comforting in me ample bosom. Yep, gravity's a marvellous thing at times though I'd better not comfort him too much. Don't want him suffocated. Not yet any road. Till next time! Still the future Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan-Duckworth |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Aug 21, 2008 13:41:16 GMT
Greetings peasants! Tis I again, the sexiest redhead on the planet who's looking 6 years old, Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan. I've been taking a break trying to snare Jack Duckworth since that there bug eyed Scottish Richard Hillman wannabe offered me wads of cash for a tinpot business and a flat that's never seen. Not a bad deal if I do say so meself. And that peasant expected me to turn it down? Is he a penny short of a quid???!!! Maybe Jack'll think I'm loaded. Well I am anyway but that's usually the alcoholic kind. I'll lure him before he quits if it's the last thing I do! Which it may very well be after that peasant gloated and told me them what think they're in charge have the nerve to cut me cash so I'd only be paid per scene. Suppose I should be grateful they're not considering per word! He's over the moon cos he gets more scenes so on that basis will get more money than what I do. How dare they treat me like this after all these years of loyalty - to me wages. Yer don't think I'm here for the thrill of it, do yer? I have enough trouble staying awake saying this drivel. If EastEnders offered me more I'd zoom down that motorway tomorrow. Anyroadup, they've got a nerve expecting a Megastar to actually WORK for their money. What do they think I am, a peasant??? I'll threaten to quit if they do this. That'll get them to change their minds. No Reet, no show. ;D Till next time! Empress Reet |
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Post by pearly queen on Aug 21, 2008 19:05:37 GMT
Welcome to the world of WORK, Reet. It's something that affects most of us at some time or another. Fortunately for you, it's not something that's encroached too much on your majestic privileged lifestyle of booze and toyboys. Now you get to find out how the other half live: you're going to find out how Norris lives. Terrifying isn't it? Anyway, although you do practically nothing for your £10 million a year, at least it's 2 days more a year than Jade Goody. You at least have the dignity of being classier than her. And with a better wig. |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Aug 21, 2008 19:38:14 GMT
PMSL! Have a K, Pearly. Love it.
Patsy
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Post by pearly queen on Oct 20, 2008 10:09:01 GMT
Reet - are you going to fill us in on this new girl at the Kabin? Is she the new Mavis?
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 22, 2008 15:04:02 GMT
Greetings peasants and Pearly Queen!
I'm not going to apologise for the delay. As yer know us girls have to keep ourselves looking youthful and these replastering jobs are taking longer and longer as I get older for some reason. I'm only 6 million and 28 so don't understand it at all! With a new fella on the horizon, who I hope has pots of cash - I mean personality, I need more work than ever! I've given up on Jack Duckworth. He's never around when I'm after him. Mind yer, neither am I! However, as the highest paid for the least amount of work I've more than earned me rest. It's exhausting counting all me millions yer know. Thirsty work an' all, just like deigning to talk to peasants like yer lot. Where's me voddy?
So the peasant reckons he's not a Cliff Richard fan. He always were a lying runt. If he don't stop getting on me nerves he'll be wired for sound - to the electricity! That'll sort him out once and for all.
Till next time!
Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan
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Post by pearly queen on Nov 22, 2008 16:30:08 GMT
What poor gormless sod have you got your eye on now? It must be Doctor Who - only his Tardis will turn back time in the quantities YOU need it!
BTW, have you ever considered vodka as an astringent? During your ablutions, after the sandblasting stage - splash on a handful of Blue Label as a toner, it will work wonders.
Try singing in the Kabin to Norris - it might make him stop obsessing over Cliff Richard, and appreciate true talent.
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Nov 22, 2008 18:48:57 GMT
PMSL!
Patsy
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Dec 25, 2008 23:27:41 GMT
Greetings peasants!
Tis I, the greatest redhead to ever live and I hope you're all celebrating me on this very special day.
I thought I'd grace yer all with me presences this way even though none of yer were kind enough to give me any presents! What's up with yer? Anyone'd think there were a credit crunch or summat. Surely yer can all spare about a grand or two to buy me gallons of voddy. Cheapskates! Anyway I couldn't be bothered to tread the cobbles today. I have meself a new fella! Haven't found out yet if he's loaded but I'm enjoying all the flattery. Not every day a lady of 6 million and 28 gets any attention so the sandblasting were worth every penny!
Till next time!
Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Feb 25, 2009 15:32:51 GMT
Greetings peasants,
And where's me presents??? Yer all getting as bad as the peasant. I'm waiting.......
Happy birthday to moi
Happy birthday to moi
Happy birthday to the Sex Goddess
Happy birthday to moi
In't it great I have meself a new fella? The peasant is jealous cos he hasn't got one. We all know he's gay and this Mary's his beard. He should come out of his camper van closet. Anyroadup Colin has no idea I'm really 6 million and 29 today since I knocked a couple of years off so he thinks I'm only 77. I always did look good for me age with a little help from tonnes of Polyfilla and scaffolding. I'm still trying to get a look at his bank statements before I drag him down t'aisle to make me a Christmas bride before I see him off at New Year. ;D
Till next time and I better get me presents!
Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan
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Post by pearly queen on Feb 25, 2009 19:13:18 GMT
Happy birthday to Reet the Regnosaurus!!
Will you be bringing cakes into the Kabin to share with your colleagues? Or saying the magic words 'Drinks all round' in the Rovers? Or is your purse safely hidden away from such danger?
You won't get a rich man by being mean - why not advertise in the Gazette, and give away free copies to likely candidates?
The advert could read like 'Lonely, desperate rich old lady seeks obscenely wealthy vodka distillery owner, with own teeth and wheels. Nice arse optional'.
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Feb 25, 2009 19:37:30 GMT
Regnosaurus. PMSL! Shouldn't she be extinct by now? LOL! She'll stay a tightfisted lonely old soak then. Patsy |
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Post by RitaLittlewood on Apr 28, 2009 10:44:50 GMT
Greetings peasants!
I'm so distraught! There I were, happy as Larry (whoever he were in me dim and distant past), looking forward to me next long-awaited union of cash with Colin Grimshaw before seeing him off only it turns out he likes 'em young! I know after all me plastering I look 10 but that's not good enough and I'm still too old fer him! What's a 6 million and 29 year old girl to do after such a revelation? I'll have to see if t'ring's worth owt. Be just like him to have picked up summat cheap and nasty from the market. Whaddya mean I weren't saying that when I eagerly put it on me fat finger before even accepting his proposal? Oh shut yer gobs! I just lost a will! Have some pity with a megastar! I dunno why I bother trying to get sympathy out of yer ungrateful lot. I’m yer favourite redhead. I want condolence cards stuffed with cash. That’ll cheer me up! ;D
Till next time!
Empress Reet Littlewood-Fairclough-Sullivan (almost Grimshaw - damn!)
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You're really asking for trouble there, Jezziekins. Her Regal Redheadedness won't be amused by you first calling her a Queen when she's an Empress and now threatening to call her a *gasp* peasant!
She missed her chance, im not in Manchester at the moment. 
with him very often. Ask Eileen for a reference - I reckon that's the real reason she chucked him in (not enough meat on his kebab spindle!!)